I have been haunted by a situation that I saw unfolding, and did nothing about. In one of my former lives I was a waitress. I watched another waitress that I worked with go after men - one man in particular. He was married. I didn't know him that well, but he'd come into the restaurant on a regular basis. She would spend every free moment she had chatting with him. It used to drive me crazy. I would hear her talking about how great he was and that he was the man for her. She was unbelievably manipulative. She absolutely set out to get him, and I heard later through the grapevine of former workers that she was calling him her boyfriend. . . so I guess her plan worked.
He was a nice man, married, always seemed to like his wife. He'd talk about her to me. Once she came into the restaurant with him and he introduced me to her. He wasn't your everyday creep. I really hope that the waitress, Patty, didn't get him.
What should I have done? Anything? Something? I thought I'd just trust in God to sort it out, but I just don't know anymore. I'm still upset about it, and this was like 2 or 3 years ago now.
I don't know that it changes my quandary whether it was because or in spite of - and to be totally honest, I don't know. I was not her confidant. However, it seemed that the men she flirted with the heaviest were the married ones.
So you seem to think that she was A-OK and did nothing wrong in pursuing this guy even if he WAS married? Is that what you are saying? It's certainly what I'm getting from your posts. . .
I suppose I'm wondering why you're worried about someone else's life, morals and behaviour 2-3 years after the event. Who are you to say what's right and wrong for them..?
Are you really worried about the idea you 'should' have intervened..? Because I'd say you were quite right, back then, to keep well out of it.
I have been haunted by a situation that I saw unfolding, and did nothing about. In one of my former lives I was a waitress. I watched another waitress that I worked with go after men - one man in particular. He was married. I didn't know him that well, but he'd come into the restaurant on a regular basis. She would spend every free moment she had chatting with him. It used to drive me crazy. I would hear her talking about how great he was and that he was the man for her. She was unbelievably manipulative. She absolutely set out to get him, and I heard later through the grapevine of former workers that she was calling him her boyfriend. . . so I guess her plan worked.
What should I have done? Anything? Something? I thought I'd just trust in God to sort it out, but I just don't know anymore. I'm still upset about it, and this was like 2 or 3 years ago now.
It sounds to me like there wasn't anything you could have done. I can understand your upset because at work I've been faced with similar situations (not identical, but similar) a couple of times.
People have to work out their own pain. It sounds like that other waitress was not a nice person - in the end, she'll get back what she has sown - whether it's karma, God or whatever. In the end we all pay for the evil we do.
yup - I've got issues. I don't like women who chase men who are married. Got issues. The woman bragged that she was going to get him didn't matter that he was married. Got issues.
Pardon me, but I bet a LOT of women (and men) have the same issues. This one still bothers me. Maybe more right now, 'cause I was just in contact with old friends.
What should I have done? Anything? Something? I thought I'd just trust in God to sort it out, but I just don't know anymore. I'm still upset about it, and this was like 2 or 3 years ago now.
If you'd seen this woman stealing another woman's purse, you could have spoken up and done something. Watching someone relentlessly pursuing another person's partner is a whole different matter. Do you tell his wife? What does that achieve, other than to make her insecure? She would be in no better position to prevent her husband from having an affair with this woman than you were....and her insecurity would only provide her husband with justification for going off with another woman. "You drove me to it with your lack of trust..."
Do you have words with the Other Woman? Have a look at some of the threads on this section, and observe what a fruitless exercise it is to try to reason with someone who has a married man in her sights. Disapprove, and you might just find you're only giving her another spotlight to bask under.
Regardless of how pushy this woman was, it wasn't within her power to force the man to have an affair with her - if that's what happened. He had free choice in the matter... and however nice he may have appeared to you, that doesn't absolve him of responsibility for his actions. Yet more proof that it's never enough for a man to simply be "nice". What value is a nice man, if his judgement is so poor and his loyalty to his wife so shaky?
Regardless of how pushy this woman was, it wasn't within her power to force the man to have an affair with her - if that's what happened. He had free choice in the matter... and however nice he may have appeared to you?
Exactly... he had a free choice.
Please don't have too many sleepless nights about people who are living their own lives. Perhaps God will intervene. In the meantime, you'll just have to make do with sending him prayers about the lost and disgusting.
Probably not. That person lives by their own rules and really wouldn't care what you thought anyway. You can't influence anyone who has their mind made up.
This guy was married. Apprarently he enjoyed the attention or why else would he keep coming back for more? So why does this disturb you so much? Slutty people always find takers somewhere or other. He was obviously receptive, so why do you think you could influence the sitiuation? Believe it or not, some very "nice" people have affiairs too. They are usually just very discreet about it.
This should not haunt you. You can't control anything other than yourself. All you can do is remove yourself from the situation. You aren't going to meet a lot of women like her. They are pretty transparent, never trusted by other women, and usually get their life lessons the hard way.
Don't give it another thought. Just call it an observation on the human condition, ugly though this one may be.
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connectedness, and attention. Small mind is self centred and focuses only on itself. It is compulsive, limited, and reactive.
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Last edited by EMJ; 19th January 2006 at 10:01 PM..
Slutty people always find takers somewhere or other.
.... You aren't going to meet a lot of women like her. They are pretty transparent, never trusted by other women, and usually get their life lessons the hard way.
Wow... nice, judgemental post.
ALMOST as judgemental and interfering as the OP.
I am wondering ... did you buy into her take on the situation (of which she knows nothing... it wasn't her life), or is this a case of an 'axe to grind'?
Give it to 'em Sami D.
The funniest thing about judgemental folk is it shows their own transparency - unhappy in their own lives or sufferers of the holier-than-thou syndrome.
Slutty behaviour? Nobody knows anything about the intricacies of what goes on between another man and woman. Nobody knows what is happening personally for them or why they are drawn to each other. And, to be honest, nobody should care if it doesn't directly relate to them.
Since the "offending" male is now with the "slutty" female, chances of his marriage previously being fine and dandy are slim to none. Maybe he just didn't feel the need to discuss the ins and outs of his marital problems with the waitress he didn't want.
yup - I've got issues. I don't like women who chase men who are married. Got issues. The woman bragged that she was going to get him didn't matter that he was married. Got issues.
Pardon me, but I bet a LOT of women (and men) have the same issues. This one still bothers me. Maybe more right now, 'cause I was just in contact with old friends.
In spite of what you think, oh judgemental one, most women don't CHASE MM. It's usually the other way around. If he was that happy, and he didn't want an A, he could've just said 'no thanks, I'm married'.. it's none of your business. It doesn't directly affect you does it?
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Why do some women seem to seek out married men?
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