Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
I just recently found out that my boyfriend has a problem with porn. I have caught him a few times and he just lies to me about it. I have evidence to prove that he was looking at the porn and he still lied until I started naming the sights that he went to and then he just makes excuses. He has told me that most of them are celebrities but some of them are not. He said that he looks at them because they are in a different category from me and that he gets the urge to look at pictures or videos sometimes and so he does. I have done everything that I possibly could to keep him sexually satisfied and that is not enough. I work out and I thought that he was happy with my body and our sex life. I don't understand why he would want to fantasize about other women. I do everything that I can think of to keep him happy with me and it just isn't enough! My self esteem has been shattered because of this and I don't know if I can ever forget that he gets the urge to look at these things. He tells me that he loves me and that I am the only one that he wants to be with but how can I believe that when he wants to fantasize about being with other women?
Search on 'porn' on LS. Every week there's another thread about it. There are a flock of females who believe, wrongly, that their bfs are 'addicted' to porn just because they look at pictures of women. Men have been looking at pictures of women since men could draw on cave walls. If you can't handle that, find an ultra-relgious guy or a prude to go out with.
Unless he stops having sex with you to look at the porn then he is not addicted. In most situations there is nothing that a woman can do to get a guy to stop. Not that the guy should stop anyway. Men are very visual and extremely sexual. Even in a very healthy relationship with someone they love they will still masturbate and look at porn. It has nothing to do with how he feels about you.
The only thing I would be worried about is the lying. He should have no reason to lie about what he is doing. It is nothing to be ashamed of. But why were you snooping anyway?
All you are going to do in this situation is push him away.
The reason he lies is because she insists on believing that it's 'addiction' and probably 'cheating' and he can't manage to talk her out of being unreasonable. She'll always freak out if she finds the horrible porn so he attempts to hide it from her to avoid the predictable freakouts.
This is the first time I've disagreed with Outcast. It may not be a "porn addiction", but there is NOTHING more hurtful to a woman --which you are not--than to know your body is not enough. Guys suck if all they do is look at other women, whether they know them or not, especially naked. Women have issues with their bodies BECAUSE of this bull@#$# with this whole media for men thing. It's like a whole category of magazines, websites, movies, nudie magazines, all which comfort guys into thinking this is perfectly normal, since there's so much of it around.
My bf had bikini girls as screen savers, and got rid of them as soon as I saw them. Another had gotten rid of his whole collection of stupid magazines. Well at least he told me that, they're not in the house anymore anyway. It simply disgusts me.
I think it would be a different story if the two of you go to a kinky store together and get some fun sex toys, and mutually get some porn to play with. No one can be mad here, because it will be both men and women, and the two of you agreed to purchase it. If you find you don't like it, say so. Stick to the other kinky stuff.
I am so fricken TIRED of women having to DEAL with and accept the porno situation…..WE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO…….Bottom line, its not fair…..Why should it be fair to sit there and wank off to OTHER women? How is that not considered cheating??????? Hello, you are LUSTING after another woman!! It doesn’t matter if she is in a book or on the internet or in a store……ITS NOT FAI R……
What beentheredonethat2 said is right on the money:
“Women have issues with their bodies BECAUSE of this bull@#$# with this whole media for men thing. It's like a whole category of magazines, websites, movies, nudie magazines, all which comfort guys into thinking this is perfectly normal, since there's so much of it around.”
And the fact that she exercises so she can look good for HIM is proof enough…it’s a rat race…..and I am tired of men getting away with it…..
I am considered to be a good looking gal, but in the past I STRIVED to look the best to the point where it made me sick…physically, mentally, it was EXHAUSTING to try to keep up with it all, just so my man would appreciate me…..its disgusting and unfair…and I have had enough……
Tell that little weak jerk that if he cant get a grip on anything besides his d*&^ then maybe he doesnt deserve you...........
1. It is pitiful and insulting to the men who love you to think they love you solely for your bodies
2. If you want a decent relationship, you'd never have a man who was with you ONLY because of your appearance and would drop you because you don't look like a porn star
3. You assume the men lust for the porn stars INSTEAD OF YOU. That is wrong. Ask your man sometime if he'd rather one of them than you.
4. It is absolutely NOT TRUE that this bothers 'all women'. It bothers people who are cripplingly insecure about themselves and who have bought into all the bullshxt about men wanting women only for looks that the beauty industry has sold. What's needed is a little maturity and the understanding that quality people seek quality in personality and that can be found in women of all shapes and sizes and flaws.
5. It's beyond pathetic that women would prefer to hold on to false beliefs (that 'beauty' is everything) rather than to understand the marketing industry has played a game with their brains, reject all that bs, and understand that their men WANT AND LOVE them and no two-dimensional image can possibly change that.
This is not just something insecure women say, Outcast. From the very earliest years of life what are women taught by society to enjoy? Dolls, makeup, just take a walk through the girl's toys section. Barbies, clothes. As a tomboy who would rather punch a jerk in the jaw and get dirty playing tackle football than sit around and "talk" I find this particularly offensive. Girls are socially conditioned to care about their appearance from the very beginning, I mean what is ballet all about or tap or jazz or cheerleading? It's not about competition it's about showing your body.
So don't blame women for feeling insecure because we live in a paternistic society, created by and for men.
If you reject the ills of society, then don't fall prey to the message it sends you. And find a like-minded bf. Why would you want some guy who bought into the bs (assuming you even have one)?
Be an independent woman and refuse to be threatened by others just because they are models or whatever.
Cripes - it takes several hours of makeup , special lighting, and all sorts of stylists for photo/movie shoots. If you've ever seen photos of those stars without all that, they'd look just like you or even worse.
Don't buy the BS! Be your own self and let him look because you know it's your bed he's in and that's because he wants to be there. Don't you look at Brad Pitt or Heath Ledger or Jude Law? Would you want them in your bed instead of your bf?
I kind of suspect that the most jealous women are the ones who aren't that satisfied with their own guys and project their dissatisfaction onto the guys.
I have to agree in only one way with the men on this, they are animals just as us females are, and if you look at the trend in nature, very rarely do you find a species that mates for life. Typically a male has many more partners and is always on the lookout for a new hot-mamma to procreate with. So in a way, the inability to find one woman fully satisfying goes back to nature. Females mate and procreate and care for young a majority of their lives (often solo after the actual mating process), and for the success of the species the male has to find many females.
??? Still hurts tho.
I guess I figure any guy's gonna check out other women in public, it's unavoidable. But naked women is a whole other ball game.
Bravo Outkast!!!! Seriously you women need to relax! Are you telling me you never fantasize about bradd pitt going down on you while using your vibrator. (Even better if Angelina jolie is in the fantasy) I get turned on by porn, woman included does this mean my boyfriend isn't enough for me. Should he go and change his body perhaps get some t*ts? Of course not. It just means that I can get turned on by a variety of things and that lookign at beautiful woman with gorgeous bodies are a turn on. But I'm secure enough to know that if a man has decided to be with me he has accepted my little budda belly and finds me hot despite any flaws I have.
That 'biology' argument has been made numerous times - and discounted. If you look into nature, you'll find that the females mate with numerous mates, too. So that argument is bogus. In nature, it's the males that are the ones that have to worry about attracting females and not the other way around, BTW. It's the females that decide who to mate with based on whether the males have the better feathers or mane or whatever. And you don't see the male animals who don't get chosen going off and sulking. They just go find the female that does like their feathers.
Men like to look at naked women - so what? They best like the naked women in their beds. Again, if you never laid eyes on any male movie star then you'd have a case - maybe. Can't women have fantasies of love and romance very easily without looking at naked men? Shouldn't the men object to women going to movies with hunky men in them? OF COURSE NOT!!!! Because in the end, you love your partner. You don't fall in love with pictures. You fall in love with the warm human being in your arms.
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and finds me hot despite any flaws I have.
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