Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
A few months ago, my boyfriend promised to stop looking at porn. he broke his promise one time, and we almost broke up. but i decided to give it another chance. playfully, i'll occasionally ask him if he's been looking at it. and he always says no. well today, i found some videos on his on his computer, in his limewire. (a place to download) i think he thinks i won't find it there and he's hiding it from me. i'm going to bring it up tonight. what should i say? and what should i really think about this.
now don't get me wrong, i know that every guy looks at porn. but he made a PROMISE to me that he wouldn't do it anymore. and i'm not just mad about the porn, i'm mad that he's broken my trust again! i feel like he's hiding this stuff from me and i just don't know what to do!
If you are mad about the trust issue then I say first give him a chance. Ask him to be honest with you and if he has been downloading anything before you tell him what you know. Maybe he will come clean which I think would make a huge difference in how pissed I would be.
He is looking at porn, again! He lied, again! He broke your trust, again!
You're still with him, why? I'm sure you love him etc, but sometimes thats not all it takes to hold a relationship together. Trust is a main factor and it seems you do not have that. I see it like this, either you accept it, or you get out of the situation, and find someone who shares your views on porn, someone thats not going to lie to you about things, and someone you can trust. I see this as a vicious cycle that needs to be broke. You will confront him, he will say hes sorry and PROMISE to stop. You'll be ok with it, just to find out a few weeks/months later hes back on it again. I doubt he is going to stop just because you said something.
Jade
__________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
you say "now don't get me wrong, i know that every guy looks at porn" - but you extract a promise from him that he won't? what's up with that? just flexing your control of him?
that's like saying "ok, I know you are going to notice pretty women walking on the street, all men do, but I want you to PROMISE me that you won't, even when I'm not there, and if I find out you did - then it's a lie - and I'm going to end this relationship"
Yeah he's gonna lie about it, it's unreasonable to extract that promise from him - you already admit you do not have some great deep-seated moral or religious issue with porn and accept that men look at it. You going to extract a promise from him that he'll never *think* about another woman? That he'll never lie to you when you ask if your butt looks fat in these jeans?
Be reasonable in your expectations, and be reasonable in your demands.
He promised you he wouldn't do it and yet he done it again .. Personally if this happened to me with the porn issue and he continued after promising me then i would think he had an addiction .. I know of people that look at porn while their significant other is sleeping !! That is an accident waiting to happen doing that while the spouse is sleeping ,i think it is very disrespectful to the spouse that is sleeping ,when they could be in the bed with their spouse instead of getting their jollies off the porn, could be doing it with their spouse !!I just don't care for porn at all don't do nothing for me.. Maybe your bf has an addiction and needs help good luck
It's not an 'addiction'. It's just something that's stupid to have to promise never to do. It's like promising you'll never again eat a potato chip. You like them, they're tasty, but you're not 'addicted' to them. You just don't want to live your whole entire life never having another chip. This 'addiction' business is stupid except when someone spends hours and hours or tons of money on porn and neglects his partner. Otherwise, it's harmless so to force people to promise something that dumb is to set oneself up for disappointment.
Tell you what. You promise to never again eat chocolate or some other food you like and you just see how easy that is to do for your whole life. Oh, and tell the bf that if you ever have so much as a bit of chocolate, then you're a hateful liar and he has every reason to drop you no matter how good the rest of the relationship is.
It's not an 'addiction'. It's just something that's stupid to have to promise never to do. It's like promising you'll never again eat a potato chip. You like them, they're tasty, but you're not 'addicted' to them. You just don't want to live your whole entire life never having another chip. This 'addiction' business is stupid except when someone spends hours and hours or tons of money on porn and neglects his partner. Otherwise, it's harmless so to force people to promise something that dumb is to set oneself up for disappointment.
Tell you what. You promise to never again eat chocolate or some other food you like and you just see how easy that is to do for your whole life. Oh, and tell the bf that if you ever have so much as a bit of chocolate, then you're a hateful liar and he has every reason to drop you no matter how good the rest of the relationship is.
What if the her bf was looking at girls that are college girls that have the body of a 13 yr old ? Would you still say that is ok Outcast? Just curious to see what you say to that .. I think it is sick..
moma we're not talking about underage porn here. Don't let's start talking about 'what if he wants to have sex with farm animals?'. Those are different issues.
moma we're not talking about underage porn here. Don't let's start talking about 'what if he wants to have sex with farm animals?'. Those are different issues.
Roflmao!! I wasn't going to but you said it was like taking away chocolate and that is why i stated that !! Big difference with chocolate and porn !! It is making her feel insecure with him on the porn and making her feel she isn't good enough for him !! Porn can bring alot of issues in a relationship such as not feeling worth and think that they are wanting someone else that was like that .. Porn isn't real they are doctor pics and none looks that way !! Perfect and all .. She asked him not to and he promised and that is the issue the trust !! You have to have trust in a relationship and it was broken and she feels betrayed and i would too!!
Last edited by lilmoma1973; 14th January 2006 at 3:06 PM..
My wife and I have different sex drives. I love her, and she is the only woman I will ever have sex with (I will never ever consider having an affair), but she just doesn't want it as much as I do. So I look at porn. I do feel some guilt about this, and I hide it from her because I want to spare her feelings and because she is very conservative, sexually, and would probably freak out. But I never neglect her, and never turn to porn instead of her. For me, porn is just a stimulant for self-gratification.
Seriously.....He said he was going to stop but all that happened was he kept getting more into it.....
I was like the rest of you chicks....I didnt care if he looked, I didnt want it rubbed in my face but I didnt really care....
I was secure with how I looked, I was considered a hot chick and whatnot but after a year of his crap i totally went downhill.....
his tidy little porn pile went from 30 or so pics to 749 pics and was STILL downloading more and more and more.....I couldnt handle it....
GUESS WHAT HAPPENED??
I LEFT HIS PERVERTED A$$.....
AND GUESS WHAT??
Its been 5 YEARS and he REGRETS EVERYTHING....wishes he never even started making the porn an issue and promises undying love and utter devotion if I would just go back with him......
For me, it wasnt that he looked at porn, it was that he couldnt STOP and be satisfied with the pics that he had, he had to keep hunting. and hunting and what hurt more than that is that looking at me wasnt enough...
You dont have to leave him like I did, but make him aware of the severity of broken promises and what porn does to you.......and basically, its not fair....maybe you should f with his mind a bit.......start downloading naked men and leave these pics around in a place where he can see them openly, hide some in files, leave up the websites in history bars and then say "sorry, i promise next time i wont do it" when he confronts you....then...DO IT AGAIN....AND keep doing it until you get it through his head...
Oh fergawsakes. Dropping a guy because he has a collection of photos is ridiculous. And no, if your wife isn't as horny as you and you use porn to fill in the gap, that's cool. You're not fantasizing about past relationships or possible relationships you could have.
I want every woman who thinks a man should just forget about horniness to quit eating fries and chocolate immediately and never sneak another bite of either. And their husbands to divorce them immediately if they do sneak a fry or a bar.
There is nothing wrong with liking porn just like there is nothing wrong with not liking porn and not wanting to date someone who looks at it. What is wrong is to try and shove your viewpoint down his throat. I am a woman and i wouldn't date a guy if he had a problem with me watching adult films and obvioulsy I have no problem with my boyfriend looking at porn. An addiction to porn is different entirley. I wouldn't date anyone who let anything control his life, drugs, porn, etc. As for all the comments that say the woman make you feel bad about yourself---Get some self esteem. No one and nothing can make you feel bad about yourself. You control how you feel. My advice, pop in a movie light some candles and invite your boyfriend over for the show. You might be surprised how hot it can be.
Porn makes women feel insecure because they think their h doesn't have what he is wanting and wants more than what she looks like be it big boobs ,butt etc and this can create a low self esteem .. Some men would rather be with their porn than with their wives and will even view it in the same room as the spouse is sleeping!!
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Porn and lies...
Linear Mode
