There is a man I am interested in who I work with, but I can't tell if he is interested in me. We are both married, but both in bad marriages, trying to get out. He has kids, I don't.

We've both shared our marital problems with each other and he seems genuinley concerned and is very sweet about it. But when we talk about it for more than 5 minutes he wants to change the subject. It's like he doesn't want to have any serious discussion with me about our depressing marriages and is more comfortable just joking and flirting.

I'm having a hard time reading him. We email each other back and forth at work all day long, flirting and kidding with each other. He says he really enjoys talking to me. He gives me compliments on my appearance and he tries to cheer me up when I'm having a bad day. He touches me on the back or rubs my neck sometimes. But he's done that to another woman at work before too only not nearly as much as me.

We went on an errand together the other day, but I couldn't tell if he was interested or not even though we spent the entire hour flirting. When we got back to work he sent me an email saying he had a "great" time with me. He's a wonderful man, very sweet, but very shy. Most of the messages I get from him are that he is attracted to me - but when I try to act on them in any way - like suggest we go to lunch - he seems to back away. Is it beacuse we are married or because he's just not sure if I (or he) is ready to go out and take that chance?? I know that he hates his wife and would have no problem leaving her except he's terrified she'll take the kids. We've known each other about a month now, but I feel like it's been much longer.

Am I expecting too much too soon? Should I just wait for him to make the first move? Or is he just being friendly. I don't want to scare him off. Am I just entertainment for him? Could it be that he's afraid to get caught and his wife would then take the kids?

I need to know what to do before I end up getting hurt. I really care about him, but if all he wants is a friendship then I need to back off. This is an unusual situation, obviously, and I want to do the right thing. My marriage will proabably end - regardless of what happens with this man.

Thanks -

Lost in Vegas

This man that you're attracted to has A LOT to lose by committing adultery. Putting aside the issue of working together -- which should make anyone hesitate -- if he commits adultery, that can easily make the "fault" of a divorce his -- and hurt his chance of keeping his kids. I'm sure he's aware of that, and is probably rightfully hesitating to make a decision that has major consequences. It's obvious he is attracted to you -- he's told you as much. He probably knows inside that if the two of you get close to each other, something might happen. Attractions can take on a life of their own and sometimes people put up safeguards to prevent them from doing things they are not ready to do -- even if they want to do it. I'm sure he does not want to do anything to hurt his relationship with his children. If you truly care about him and may want something more, then do not become a source of pain later on because his wife's lawyer successfully argued to a judge that he was having an affair at work -- and those arguments hurt his chances of custody. You've both known each other for what, a month? Maybe focusing on a friendship right now is more what you two need if that's possible. It sounds like you both are going to need a strong one. Best of luck to you.

There is a man I am interested in who I work with, but I can't tell if he is interested in me. We are both married, but both in bad marriages, trying to get out. He has kids, I don't. We've both shared our marital problems with each other and he seems genuinley concerned and is very sweet about it. But when we talk about it for more than 5 minutes he wants to change the subject. It's like he doesn't want to have any serious discussion with me about our depressing marriages and is more comfortable just joking and flirting. I'm having a hard time reading him. We email each other back and forth at work all day long, flirting and kidding with each other. He says he really enjoys talking to me. He gives me compliments on my appearance and he tries to cheer me up when I'm having a bad day. He touches me on the back or rubs my neck sometimes. But he's done that to another woman at work before too only not nearly as much as me. We went on an errand together the other day, but I couldn't tell if he was interested or not even though we spent the entire hour flirting. When we got back to work he sent me an email saying he had a "great" time with me. He's a wonderful man, very sweet, but very shy. Most of the messages I get from him are that he is attracted to me - but when I try to act on them in any way - like suggest we go to lunch - he seems to back away. Is it beacuse we are married or because he's just not sure if I (or he) is ready to go out and take that chance?? I know that he hates his wife and would have no problem leaving her except he's terrified she'll take the kids. We've known each other about a month now, but I feel like it's been much longer. Am I expecting too much too soon? Should I just wait for him to make the first move? Or is he just being friendly. I don't want to scare him off. Am I just entertainment for him? Could it be that he's afraid to get caught and his wife would then take the kids? I need to know what to do before I end up getting hurt. I really care about him, but if all he wants is a friendship then I need to back off. This is an unusual situation, obviously, and I want to do the right thing. My marriage will proabably end - regardless of what happens with this man. Thanks - Lost in Vegas