[riobikini]

For those of you encountering this issue,

SEE THE THREAD LINK BELOW:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/show...t=78836&page=2

-Rio

[CaliGuy]

IMHO, sex with someone after you've broken up is especially bad. It's like "NC Lite" only worse. If you want to be with someone and they just want you for sex, you will never get them back.

Trust me, withholding sex from them will gain nothing but respect for you. Giving it away to them is essentially telling them you can have the "milk for free, no need to buy the cow."

Bad, bad, bad.

[Geoffrey]

moooooooo.....mooooooooo

[riobikini]

CaliGuy...the thread speaks to the issue of having sex with someone else after you have resigned to the end of your break-up and are not currently in a relationship.

-Rio

[CaliGuy]

[quote=riobikini]CaliGuy...the thread speaks to the issue of having sex with someone else after you have resigned to the end of your break-up and are not currently in a relationship.

-Rio[/QUOTE

I didn't read it, just wanted to toss my 2 cents in there, having experienced this myself and wishing I had never done it.

[riobikini]

THE BASIS FOR STRINGENT NO CONTACT

PREP:

While many of us have experienced the pain of breaking up, most do not experience severe, life-debilitating emotional trauma resulting from it.

The majority of our experience with break-ups happen during our teen-age or young adulthood years; the rest occur mostly, somewhere between age thirty and before age fifty, usually the result of divorce, although, with our present lifestyle choices, social and interpersonal relationships, that is quickly changing, and the entire statement could be obsolete by the time I'm finished with this sentence.


So we are by no means strangers to the pain of break-up.

During our teen-age years, we begin to learn how to deal with the first pangs of jealousy and how to cope with the ache of lost love.

Those first break-ups felt traumatic and quite painful, which was due, in a large part, to the 'newness' of our emotions to the experience.

Most of us can barely remember the pain of those first break-ups now.

But we do remember alot about how we reacted.

By young-adulthood, our background schemata had developed through experiences thus far, which enabled us the ability to value our romantic relationships with more emphasis, and when we broke up, we let go less easily and felt deeply saddened for a time over the loss.

We may have even agonized, some.

But eventually, if we were in an over-all healthy state of well-being, both physically and mentally to begin with, we automatically entered into a process of emotional recuperation, which took us through stages in which we were often confronted with emotions, thoughts, realizations, and conclusions we may not have even known we were capable of.

Not much has changed with breakups, -only you may have changed in how you deal with them.

At whatever crossroads we are standing, at whatever age we have reached, the pain of break-up does not simply bypass us, nor necessarily 'go light' on us just because we've 'been there' before.

The stages are the same; the process is the same, -and inevitable.

And everyone will have their own set of individual circumstances and background schemata which will determine the degree of impact of the break-up and how well they will deal with the stages.

Fast-forward past the detail of 'normal' stages.

If you become 'stuck' in one of the stages of emotion, and remain there for a prolonged period that obviously is affecting your ability to heal and move on, it's best to seek help.

If friends are not available or ineffective in nudging you on, seek out the help of a professional therapist.

It could be more than the 'fixable' emotional trauma of the breakup, it could be that you need medication to help you.

Depression is common during break-ups, but when the feelings and dark, sad thoughts persist for months, it may be time to get help.

Now, -this is where the NO CONTACT issue comes in:

Number One: Strict NC should be self-imposed when you KNOW the relationship is over.

Number Two: A good reason for implementing NC is when you know the relationship cannot be repaired and realize that seeking contact will only hinder your recovery.

Number Three: Should you adopt the plan of No Contact, you should be fully committed to the idea and guard your position fiercely.

In other words: keep your promise to yourself.

No Contact is a form of PROTECTION.

It is protection, self-preservation, and a necessary (chosen) method for both those who truly see no healthy basis for the relationship to continue, as well as for those who react with acute negativity in regards to emotional trauma of a break-up.

Strict NC is a vital healing tool intended for use in relationships that have permanently ended.

With the emphasis here, being on the characteristically painful and difficult business of break-up and recovery, I should not have to add that NC, if it is chosen, should not be look upon as a game-piece to be abused by the immature or insincere.

Hope this helps someone.

Take care.


-Rio