I decided to meet a man for a coffee date. To make a long story short. Though he was perfect gentleman, polite, listened attentively... I could tell about five minutes after meeting with him..I was not in the least bit attracted to him. I was sitting there (and this is horrible of me) comparing him to my "X". (The Narcissistic one who was completely a charmer and had plenty of sexual chemistry) So there I was trying my damdest to be into this first gathering and thinking "What am I doing?" By the time I got in the cab to go home an hour an d half later, I was really thing about the X and missing him?
No I did not do anything such as breaking NC. But that coffee date did not help matters and only reminded me of wanting the good bits I had with the ex....That's all I can think about now...My ex lover.....uggghhh.
Feeling disappointed now.
It's hard to let go of someone you felt connected to. I have found that the people we really connect with are so few and rare that when we meet them and it doesn't work out it is so f^cking disappointing.
Do we really have a choice? All we can do is try, try again.
Just don't feel bad about the situation. NOT AT ALL. You tried...but it failed. No problem. Just feel better knowing that he is still on your mind, and you thinking about him makes you better. Do what ever you need to do babe to feel better about him.
... I could tell about five minutes after meeting with him..I was not in the least bit attracted to him. I was sitting there (and this is horrible of me) comparing him to my "X". (The Narcissistic one who was completely a charmer and had plenty of sexual chemistry)
and women say they are not attracted to the "bad boys"....tsk tsk
Keep going out on dates like this.. this is what it takes to get over someone..I call them sacrifices..You are sacrificing them till you get over him..
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and women say they are not attracted to the "bad boys"....tsk tsk
Uh Alphamale,
I didn't say I miss the Bad Bits of the Narcissistic X, i.e. the rage, the belittling, the lying, the distancing and coldness...I said I missed the "Good bits"..I am very sorry that you can't see the difference in that. tsk tsk
This happens to me also. I'm not yet at the point of going out on dates -- but I feel I will get there soon. Well put Art Critic, the first series of dates are like sacrifices... they have no idea just how high the bar has been raised! Under different circumstances, some of them would last to date 2 or 3, but when you aren't over a breakup yet, it is like one of those midieval battle scenes, where the hero or heroine is just slashing through the onslaught of attackers....
Uh Alphamale,
I didn't say I miss the Bad Bits of the Narcissistic X, i.e. the rage, the belittling, the lying, the distancing and coldness...I said I missed the "Good bits"..I am very sorry that you can't see the difference in that. tsk tsk
the good ALWAYS comes with the bad IN SYNC...its a fact of life.
It's really disappointing when you're not quite past a damaging relationship and you just fail with every person that you meet afterwards. Sometimes people can be very nice people but you just don't have anything in common with them or you know something about them that is a deal breaker. It's good to get out there but don't do too many of these sacrifice dates or you will only feel worse. It's tough not knowing if you will ever find a relationship again. You can get out there just to get out there but at some point you need to stop and just wait until you find someone who works for you.
Last edited by JS17; 9th January 2006 at 11:33 AM.
the good ALWAYS comes with the bad IN SYNC...its a fact of life.
I'm sorry but I don't get what your point is. I know in life that the good comes with the bad. My point wasn't that I want to go back to an abusive relationship, but that the coffee date reminded me of missing the good stuff I liked about the ex. If you've never experienced that (And I certainly don't wish it on you or anyone I can see why you think I'm talking about misssing a bad boy quality..I assure you, alphamale no one misses a relationship with a N. What we miss are the parts that attracted us to them. And the chemistry.
So I've made my point as best I could, there's nothing more I can add to clarify to that.
Thank You Art Critic. It was a small sacrifice. Afterall I wasn't leading him on, and it was casual. An uphill battle. I was testing the water and it wasn't too soon for me to dive in.
I assure you, alphamale no one misses a relationship with a N. What we miss are the parts that attracted us to them. And the chemistry.
.
what I am getting at IN SYNC is that it was his bad qualities that creadted the good chemistry. And both come as a package deal. You cannot seperate the two.
It's really disappointing when you're not quite past a damaging relationship and you just fail with every person that you meet afterwards. Sometimes people can be very nice people but you just don't have anything in common with them or you know something about them that is a deal breaker. It's good to get out there but don't do too many of these sacrifice dates or you will only feel worse. It's tough not knowing if you will ever find a relationship again. You can get out there just to get out there but at some point you need to stop and just wait until you find someone who works for you.
After that one little sacrifice (and we only just met for coffee and dessert..a pineapple with rum sort of thingy by the way) I certainly shall not put myself through that sort of disappointment repeatedly. I appreciate it for having been another lesson for me to learn from...Of course afterwards I started thinking..damn my "X" is probably hooking up left and right. It's no problem for him to keep hooking up..It's like he still has the laugh laugh ....SO it's just January 2006 right???? ughhhhhh!!!
I'm kinda afraid of the same thing. I want to get on out there and date, but I have this fear that nobody is going to blow my hair back like my ex wife. the problem is that our first date was one of the best days of my life - we were immediately attracted to each other and had a fantastic date. I'm not saying that couldn't happen again, but it's gonna be hard. Even during our worst times, I was always mesmerized by her. During our 3 years together, i never saw or met one woman who turned me on the least bit. I thought that was great then...now I don't. The f'd up thing is that I know logically it wouldn't be difficult to find someone who treated me better than she did. One day I will look back and time combined with logic will outweigh the painful irrational feelings I'm having now, hopefully.
what I am getting at IN SYNC is that it was his bad qualities that creadted the good chemistry. And both come as a package deal. You cannot seperate the two.
Yeah you can. Not every guy has ROTTEN LOUSY qualities. Most normal guys' 'bad' is not taking the garbage out when they said they would. And you're missing the fact that it's the 'bad' that drove her away. She only misses half of him and since she can't have the good, she's chosen 'nothing' as better. So his being 'bad' did him no good at all since she's gone.
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