I had a very very close best friend, from when I was 8 yrs. old until about age 23. At that point, I was splitting up with exhusband, although we were legally married we were on the fast train to divorce land. When my exH was still living with me, but signing the lease for his own place - he was moving in a month, I went to visit her in TX to help her move. She knew that I was splitting up with my exH.
Anyways, long story short a guy she had been chasing for months met us for drinks and he hit on me. He was cute, I flirted back. We ended up going out to dinner and I spent the night at his house. But SHE NEVER TOLD ME that she was that upset. Just pouted.
Anyways, weeks later the guy calls me. I'm back in FL and he says that my friend told him I had an STD and he should get checked out. Well, he didn't have one, but he called to tell me that my "bestfriend" was being nasty behind my back. The way he put it, he didn't know why I called her my bestfriend at all.
I called her, of course she didn't answer her phone. I left a message saying that she was a bitch to do such a thing, who puts men before friendship, and she wasn't even DATING him.
Admittedly I went overboard, but spreading rumors about your bestfriend of 15 years is weak. She ended up being a casualty of the tech industry and move home, the city I live in.
Over the past 3 years I have approached her several times, online, in public. Trying to be friendly. I want to show her that I've forgotten about the past. I really need friends right now, who don't do drugs or drink all the time. But she is still a bitch to me.
I should give up on trying to rekindle our friendship, shouldn't I? I'm so vulnerable right now that I don't trust my own judgement. It hurts because I feel like she wronged ME more than anything else, could she just be embarassed about what she did?
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Anyways, long story short a guy she had been chasing for months met us for drinks and he hit on me. He was cute, I flirted back. We ended up going out to dinner and I spent the night at his house. But SHE NEVER TOLD ME that she was that upset. Just pouted.
You were her best friend and you shouldn't have done this. And if you were her best friend who knew how she felt, she wouldn't have to tell you that it hurt her what you did. If this had happened to me, I would wonder what a crappy friend I had. I'm not surprised that she is angry with you, I would. I guess, you didn't consider him the big love of your life, so why risk hurting your friends feeling for a one-night stand? She had been running after him for months, so you can assume that she did have feelings for him. It also must have hurt her ego that she had spent so much time pursuing him and then you came and snatched him away in one evening.
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I should give up on trying to rekindle our friendship, shouldn't I? I'm so vulnerable right now that I don't trust my own judgement. It hurts because I feel like she wronged ME more than anything else, could she just be embarassed about what she did?
I doubt that she is embarrassed at all, if anything she is angry that you didn't apologize and are not able to see what you did to your so-called best friend.
There was a LAUNDRY LIST of guys she had been "chasing for months" - I think there were like 5 other guys on there. Were they all the "love of her life"?
I did. I apologized 3 YEARS AGO. I apologized 2 YEARS AGO, I apologized LAST YEAR. Jesus. Hello, read the post.
Anyways, I just messaged her and told her I would leave her alone and never talk to her again. Of course she didn't respond. It pisses me off.
She stopped talking to me, but not when I went out with that guy. It was after I bitched her out for telling him lies about me behind my back.
I wasn't even INTO the guy. I was hurt that she went around behind my back and said nasty things about me, and never ONCE talked to me about the fact that she was hurt.
And years later she is just a bitch and ignores me when I do apologize and I don't make any mention of her nastiness to me.
Ok, I'm not sure if you should not let her be and look for better friends. You're right, she doesn't seem to be a good friend either when she starts spreading rumours around when you do something wrong. If this is not her typical behavior, then I would assume though that you hit a nerve when you flirted with this guy. This is something you must address when you apologize. Recognize that what you did hurt her feelings a lot, not just a little bit, but a lot.
So as I read your post I was surprised how you think she is in the wrong. Why would you go after a guy she was going after?? Funny thing is you dont even realize your in the wrong.
There was a LAUNDRY LIST of guys she had been "chasing for months" - I think there were like 5 other guys on there. Were they all the "love of her life"?
Sounds to me she was a player ... She shouldn't have told him that , she was jealous cause he liked you and not her.. My friend did this to me and i still to this day ,have had too much contact with her.. You was wrong to do that to a friend, but that doesn't justify the thing she done!! Not judging you at all .. She was your friend ,but you don't need to deal with this type of thing with all you are going through.. Good luck and congrats on being sober for so long ,im proud of you.. PM me anytime you need a friend!!
Over the past 3 years I have approached her several times, online, in public. Trying to be friendly. I want to show her that I've forgotten about the past. I really need friends right now, who don't do drugs or drink all the time. But she is still a bitch to me.
I should give up on trying to rekindle our friendship, shouldn't I? I'm so vulnerable right now that I don't trust my own judgement. It hurts because I feel like she wronged ME more than anything else, could she just be embarassed about what she did?
Well, you do think that what she did was worse than what you did, don't you? And that shows in your apologies and that's why she is still pissed off. She is not fully aware that her behavior wasn't right, she sees it as a way of getting back to you. The question is, do you sincerely regret what you did, apart of her own behavior? If you say, I did you wrong, and you did me wrong and therefore we are even, it won't work. She doesn't perceive her behavior as wrong. She thinks you are the one who started it all and who is not recognizing that what you did was worse than her own actions.
Is it because she was such a wonderful friend before the incident ... nostalgia for the past ... or because she's the only person you know locally who is outside of your normal social circle?
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