My wife and daughter moved one hour away from me this past New Year's Eve. She said she was not sure she wanted to be married anymore and for the past four months has had at least an emotional affair with an ex who is currently engaged. I am sure this added to her feeling less for me. I dropeed them off and helped her unpack, kissed my daughter and told my wife goodbye with no emotion or anger. I actually smiled. Saturday night was a little rough but now things are much easier than I thought. I have not called her ONCE since she left and I think it made her think some. She called me this morning at 1am. She said she was calling because I haven't called to see how she is doing. I spoke to her about how she and daughter were doing. Not once did I mention our relationship or the separation or ask her about her "friend". She sounded depressed and said things just didn't work out. I agreed with her totally. I asked her about seeing my daughter this weekend and she said it was too soon. I did not argue with her I just said okay. I believe this shocked her. I have made a promise to myself that I will absolutely not pressure her or ask her to come back at any point.
Please read "Love Must Be Tough." The advice you will find in that book will help you should you wish to reconcile.
I think you're handling things the right way. Continue to make yourself unavailable to her. She needs to see what she's giving up. I do think reading the book will help a lot.
Take this time to reflect on what you might have done to contribute to this situation (if anything at all) and focus on improving yourself wherever you can. Now is the perfect time to focus on yourself.
__________________ ...the purpose of a doormat is to wipe your feet on it, not love and respect it. - Balthazar The No Contact Guide
Sorry you spent New Year's alone you could have got your chat on with me,Touche,Traveling,Mopar and Kat23!! We rang in the New Year in yahoo in a chat room ! Maybe she is realizing you are ok with it and she found out it isn't what she wanted!! hang in there and keep making her think you don't care !! That is what made my h come back !! If it is meant to be she will be back!! Good luck i know you miss your daughter!!
Sorry you spent New Year's alone you could have got your chat on with me,Touche,Traveling,Mopar and Kat23!! We rang in the New Year in yahoo in a chat room !
And wasn't it a great party? We'll have an even bigger one sometime soon.
btw, like the new avatar, not as much as the old, but you know
Things are getting ugly I am afraid. I called to ask about visitation this weekend. MIL said I was not taking my daughter for the weekend. She said that any visitation would have to be supervised by her. She said she was getting her daughter custody and divorced from me. She said she would "hide" my daughter if she had to because there were plenty of "woods" where they lived. I have never said I wanted full custody of my daughter. I just want standard visitation. As hostile as her family is, I don't feel comfortable visiting my daughter under their noses. I guess I won't see her for a very long time. I feel bad because she is only two years of age.
Things are getting ugly I am afraid. I called to ask about visitation this weekend. MIL said I was not taking my daughter for the weekend. She said that any visitation would have to be supervised by her. She said she was getting her daughter custody and divorced from me. She said she would "hide" my daughter if she had to because there were plenty of "woods" where they lived. I have never said I wanted full custody of my daughter. I just want standard visitation. As hostile as her family is, I don't feel comfortable visiting my daughter under their noses. I guess I won't see her for a very long time. I feel bad because she is only two years of age.
Whoa.. first off. Don't talk to your MIL. Your wife has made herself look good in their eyes. Only talk with your wife and write down everytime you have and what the conversation was about. If you want to reconile with your wife tell her that you made (and do so) an appointment with a counselor and would like for her to come. If she refuses don't push her & go yourself. Just tell her that you would like to talk sometime when she is ready. Sounds like you've been keeping alot inside which is dangerous. I hope you are doing ok. Whatever you do, do NOT get a 3rd party involved in this (ie. MIL, FIL) etc.. They will only add fuel to the fire. You married her, not her parents. That daughter is YOURS not theirs. If it continues to get worse contact a lawyer.
Like the OP said, get the book 'tough love'. Your wife didn't fall for you because you were a pushover. She fell in love with you for your confidence, strength, reliability and everything else she wanted. You are not showing confidence when you don't take the initiative of setting up a counseling session, giving her the opportunity to work through this if she wants to. Glad to hear you aren't begging for her back. It's making her think that she could lose what she has. Remember she's the one having the affair on you! Nothing you did gives her the OK to do this. She will go through alot of emotions before really coming to terms on what she did and to take full responsibility for her actions. Hang in there!
See, those are the reasons why I advised not letting her move far away from you and take the daughter. It's just beginning my friend. I wish you had hung in there and refused to let her take her with her. I hate for your daughter to come out of this feeling abandoned by her father.
When things turn ugly one of the first things that gets held as a bargaining chip is seeing your children. Happened to me. When my exwife and I split she refused to let me see my kids. The advice that follows comes from my experience.
What you need to do is contact a lawyer. File for divorce and then ask the court for a visitation schedule. The court will move fast to give you a temporary schedule a final and permanent schedule will come later.
Your wife and her family will be served and notified about the schedule.
When you go to pick up your daughter have the court order with you. If they refuse you your visitation, call the police and have them fill out a report. The report will be needed for later court dates if it comes to that. Sometimes the simple act of having the police show up will cause the parent interfering with visitation to change their mind.
The important thing is to start the ball rolling NOW. If you wait then your wife will make the argument that you don’t care about seeing your daughter.
If you still want to try to put your marriage back together, that can even after you’ve filed. Filing merely states your intention and protects you.
Never, EVER, EVER, back down on your need to see your child. Just because things didn't work with you guys doesn't mean you can't be in your daughters life. The mother of your child needs to realize she is only hurting the child by holding you back on your visitation RIGHTS!
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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