[chickenleggs]

My ex dumped my about 3 months ago now and i was devasted at the time. She left me for a married man with 3 kids, who has since left his wife and they are living together.

As i said to begin with i was devistated but over the coming weeks gradually got a little better and founf myself getting used to the idea of not seeing her again. Now all of a sudden it seems to have come back to me again and im almost as bad as i was to begin with, is this normal? Does it get worse before it gets better?

I dont know whether its the begining of a new year and the realisation that i probably wont see her again. I have come to terms with it being over and would not want her back if she asked, but still miss her badly.

It doesnt help when she sometimes texts me to ask how i am like the latest text when she spent christmas in France with her parents ......"did you have a good christmas? im back from France now where we had the christmas from hell. How are you?" Whats that all about then? I just sent a polite reply saying sorry she had a bad christmas i hope the new year is better for you.

Basically all i want to know is, is this feeling worse bit all part of the healing process?

Thanks

[In Sync]

Originally Posted by chickenleggs

My ex dumped my about 3 months ago now and i was devasted at the time. She left me for a married man with 3 kids, who has since left his wife and they are living together.

As i said to begin with i was devistated but over the coming weeks gradually got a little better and founf myself getting used to the idea of not seeing her again. Now all of a sudden it seems to have come back to me again and im almost as bad as i was to begin with, is this normal? Does it get worse before it gets better?

I dont know whether its the begining of a new year and the realisation that i probably wont see her again. I have come to terms with it being over and would not want her back if she asked, but still miss her badly.

It doesnt help when she sometimes texts me to ask how i am like the latest text when she spent christmas in France with her parents ......"did you have a good christmas? im back from France now where we had the christmas from hell. How are you?" Whats that all about then? I just sent a polite reply saying sorry she had a bad christmas i hope the new year is better for you.

Basically all i want to know is, is this feeling worse bit all part of the healing process?

Thanks

Of course what you are feeling IS normal. You were betrayed and left by your wife. You have every right to feel emotional (and believe me 3 months is still early to be considered recovered when dealing with a breakup) So don't question your feelings and having expectations that at a certain period you shouldn't or wouldn''t be up and dowm on an emotional rollercoaster.
Right now I recommend strict NC. Of course you must deal with the facts about being married. But cut out the small meaningless chit-chatter until you both have concluded whether separation or divorce is something you are considering. Truly those little msessages will hinder any healing you are going through. You need time to get grounded, and reminders of her will do you in.
So for now, unless it's a serious conversation...cease with accepting "friendly messages." It's already proof that you are still hurting so NC until you feel stronger emotionally.

[bluechocolate]

Unless you have children together there really is no need to maintain contact with her.

Her keeping up the friendly chit-chat appeases her guilt. I'm not saying that you should be vindictive & try to make her feel guilty, but you need to do what is best for you. If that means stopping the idle chit-chat then do it. It doesn't have to be forever. One day you may wake up & realise that you're fully recovered & able to start a friendship. And one day you may realise that you couldn't care less whether you talk to or see her ever again. Whatever the outcome, the path that takes you there is yours alone, not yours & hers.