I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone, not even those two!
I really don't know if I am in the right forum or not, but I will give it a shot anyway.
I was dumped by my live in boyfriend on November 19,2005. He moved out while I was at work, leaving a note on the table. I later learned he moved in with another woman and her daughter.
We had been together for almost 3 years. He had two children from his divorced marriage. the kids were my world. I did everything with these two kids including teaching his 14 year old daughter how to bake an apple pie.
Needless to say when he left he ripped those two children out of my life,leaving a blank hole there. I just never realized how much those two children meant ot me until that first weekend came and they weren't there. The pain is incredible.It is six weeks into the break up and the pain just doesn't get any better.
To top it all off I had become extremely close with his mother over r the past three years. She had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and pretty much needed round the clock care, that was provided by her daughter most of the time. But when her daughter wasn't there because of work, his mom always called upon me. I woul get the phone call asking if she could come over to my house. I would go get her and we would spend the day together.
We ended up having to put her in a Nursing home in September due to rapid failing with the disease. From day one her daughter and I would always try to be there for her dinner hour to make sure she ate and to re-assure her that she would not be forgotten. My ex would go up once a week for an hour because he could not handle the situation.
over the past six two months his mom failed rapidly becoming bed bound and needibg to be fed, with all lher liquids thickened to nector consistency so she would not choke. Again I would always be there for this hour or more, because her daughter was working her second job, and couldn't be there. Do not get me wrong I would not had given that hour or so up for anything. i continued to do it after he left, and sadly I have to say his mom passed away on New Year's Eve. I was there, as well as her daughter and oldest son.
The wake and funeral being this afternoon and tomorrow morning. I so much want to be there but am facing the pains of seeing mmy ex with the other woman.I wish I could explain the pain that I have been feeling over the past six weeks, but it is so incredible that no words could ever explain it.this pain I would not wish upon anyone not even my ex and the woman he moved in with.
I now have to decide if I can attend the wake and funeral, and face the painful situatiion all over again.
You are a friend of the family, a very good friend. You have contributed to thier lives in important and meaningful ways. His sister and the other family members will want to see you there, you meant so much in thier mother's final days and I'm sure the kids miss you terribly.
Your guy sounds like an immature jerk who aparently does not want to be in a committed realtionship. Bouncing from one house to another without regard for the lives he's impacted is the ultimate in arrogance and selfisheness. He's going to hurt more people, no one just wakes up a selfish jerk, it's honed by years of manipulating people to serve his self, and no one else.
His cowardly way of leaving- A NOTE?!, Running away, not facing you?? What a friggin loser! Once you heal from this trauma, you wll probably see the many ways in which he has hurt and insulted you. Don't give him that kind of power again. Ever. People rarely change.
Go to the wake and funeral. There's no question of whether or not you belong there, you do. You deserve and need the opportunity to mourn these losses. You are so mature. You can be polite and civil to him for everyone's sake. You ARE and have always been the better person.
Don't worry about the other woman, she has no idea yet of the "prize" she has really won in him, but she will, and then she will be the one crying.
Please do not miss the opportunity to say goodbye in an important and necessary way. This will get better. Really.
Best wishes and good luck, You are a beautiful person.
You should definately go. Support of loved ones is so very important to family memebers. They know you truly loved this woman, as I'm sure she loved you. You were a huge part of her life. Especially in the end when the situation was too difficult for many to handle.
I know it will be hard to see the ex. It will really suck, but you should go to support. And let him see that you are still doing well.
i have to disagree.
go if and only if, you feel comfortable going.
funerals are for the living not the dead. if going will stir up emotions you are trying to deal with then dont go sweetheart. unless the people there really need your help and you are in a good enogh state that you can be helpful, then dont feel you HAVE to go. consider everything though. will you feel worse or better afterwards if you dont attend? will you feel worse for seeing them, or worse for not saying goodbye to her in the traditional way?
Maybe you want to add to your Goodbye post from yesterday that you are back?? I'm sure all those people saying DON'T GO would be glad to know that you didn't leave.
Sorry EMJ I misread the post.
Anyway I honestly want to attend the wake and funeral but everytimne I think about seeing him with her, a person who didn't even know his mother I get the gut wrenching feeling that words can not describe!
He's not that important at this point, He really is not. This is about you.
YOU have every right to be there with the other people who care about you. I'm sure they ALL think he's a total disgusting loser for what he has done.
You might not even be there at the same time, and he may not even bring her given how he has messed things up. Although I would not be surprised, since he has not got a CLUE about appropriateness. Don't speak to him if you can avoid it, it's not the time or place for his BS.
Just show your respects, speak to the people who have cared for you. I'm sure they will want to thank you for everything you have done for them.
Be a class act. Get in and out and don't go back to the house and eat with them. That WOULD be a mistake. Just keep moving and start the healing process.
He will never know if you are crying for his mother or for him. And the reason does not matter, you are mourning several losses and have every right to do so. I just think it will help you and the people who care about you to be there for this ending. It will move you closer to closure.
Good luck sweetheart.
Maybe you want to add to your Goodbye post from yesterday that you are back?? I'm sure all those people saying DON'T GO would be glad to know that you didn't leave.
These folks sure do get attached, dont they??
temp hijack:
i am unsure.
it seemed like the right thing to do.
i think the folks are just nice.
You don't have to believe the words to know they are true
It's up to you. Always. But you are probably well aware that hurt people don't always see things as clearly as those not involved.
I would just hate to see that in a few weeks you completely regret NOT having gone. If you decide not to go will you feel better or worse about things?
Why are you giving the other woman so much power?? She's got her cheating, loser prize, and you have the chance, that most people don't get, to show everyone that your relationship with the family is/was important.
Please think hard. You may never get another chance like this. He's weak. You are strong. He runs from problems. You face them.
If you realized your REAL value you would never give a damn about what he and his hoochie mama think about anything.
You are so much better than them, so obviously, in so many ways. Again, you have to do what you think is right. But YOU did nothing wrong and have nothing to feel bad about. Be strong girl. Be the winner you are.
here's what I think I am going to do. I am going to call his sister and ask her to let the funeral home know that I will be over at the end of the wake, and then tomorrow I will attend the funeral!
I am the winner here and yes she is a hooche mama and he is a jeerk....unfortunately a jerk I love,, bt I do owe it to myself and his mother a final farewell.
Thank you!
I'm so happy you are doing this. I know it will be hard, but know that we are here for you when it's over. Keep rereading the posts, even if you don't believe them, because you will eventually.
Again, remember, you are strong, you deserve this opportunity to do the right thing. Think about the people who WILL be happy you went. I wish I could give you a big hug, because you have done a beautiful thing here.
Good luck, and let us know how it works out. We've got your back!
All right wish me luck as I am now getting ready to face this guy and to say afinal good bye to someone who I really did love so dearly.
The butterflies in my stomach and the pain in my chest are so heavy at this moment, but I knowit is something I have to do, as EMJ was right I do not want to ever regret this last chance I get.
And I think if the other woman is there with him as soon as I walk in she will probably more uncomfortable than I am. As I am the one that really belongs there with the family. She is just someone who has entered an open door that will slam in her face eventually.
I guess the other thing I have to keep in mind is that, if his mother ever knew what he did, she would
be very disgusted and this woman as well as the ex will always have to live with that feeling.
Here goes nothing!
Last edited by coasting; 3rd January 2006 at 5:20 PM..
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Maybe you want to add to your Goodbye post from yesterday that you are back?? I'm sure all those people saying DON'T GO would be glad to know that you didn't leave. 
You don't have to believe the words to know they are true
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