[Deveryn]

Hello, my name is Michael and I am in need of help.

I am currently in a long-distance relationship, and I'm finding it hard to deal with some of the problems that are coming up based on the people (men) that she hangs out with.

My girlfriend is the most amazing woman I have ever known, and she is my angel in every way. I love her, with all my heart. I find myself getting jealous at times because the only people she hangs out with is guys, and she hangs around them a lot., almost every other day and for many hours at a time. This normally wouldn't bother me, but they sometimes make comments about her body, or treat her with disrespect (which doesn't seem to bother her, but it sure bugs the hell out of me).

For example, one time she was in the car with them and they were talking about chicken breasts (for cooking of some sort, I was on the phone at the time because we have cell phones that have unlimited minutes to eachother, so she just keeps me in her ear with a headpiece just so I can "be along" with the ride when she's out with them sometimes) she commented on having to buy some, but that she had two already (meaning her breasts) and one of the guys actually said "I wonder what those taste like" when I was right there on the phone. This bothered me for obvious reasons.. but she just kept saying it was a joke and defended him to no end.

They (her guy friends) have also called her "their dishwasher" and said she needs to "get her lazy *** off the couch" to do their dishes when she's over their house making them food. I found this incredibly disrespectful but she laughed and went on with hanging out with them that day.

She's frequently gone over to this guys house and made him and his friend food, or went out to lunch with them and spent most of the day (she gets home from work at 6, then goes out and hangs out with them until 9 or so, then when it's just us on the phone she wants to go to bed almost instantly, claiming theres nothing we can do).

I don't know if they're looking at her in a sexual way, but a lot of the time I hear "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"
They swear, and use a lot of racist terms, which she disagrees with and dislikes but still hangs around with them.
When she's in the kitchen cooking for them I sometimes hear that they're getting playful with her and get food on her nose or face..

I am lost at what to think about this.

Please don't take this as a black-and-white thread asking whether or not I should leave her, but I'm lost when it comes to knowing what to do, or what to think for that matter, about this situation.

I doubt she will ever cheat on me, but why do I keep getting those thoughts that she might be in my head? What should I think, what should I do?

Edit:
While typing this thread I got a call from her, and instead of just going over to deliver something it turned into watching a movie, which turned into pizza, which turned into another movie, which turned into a total of 7-8 hours of being with them, even though it was supposed to just be a quick stop by. I am so incredibly lost.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

Let me get this straight. You have a girlfriend who apparently has no girlfriends and would rather spend all of her free time with racist and sexist male friends and acts like a surrogate girlfriend making them dinner and spending her evenings watching movies with them. What do you think her attitude would be if the roles were reversed and you were hanging out with a couple of hot girls spending all of your free time hanging out in their apartment watching movies with them and having dinner all the time?

I am sorry but your so-called girlfriend is acting more single than involved with you. You say she does not have time even talking to you because she is so tired working and spending her evening with these guys. What is wrong with this picture? You judge a person by their actions and not by their words and her actions speak volumes. You are not as high a priority to her as these males friends. Why would you accept this? Do you really need to have a piano fall on your head?
I wish you luck.

[Deveryn]

Thank you for your reply.
It's hard to believe that someone else is higher priority when she tells me every day that I'm the highest, but all the signs in her actions are there and I believe I've been blind to it for quite some time.
Again, thank you.

[clandestinidad]

I think she really likes the attention she's getting...even if its disrespectful/demeaning.

She's completely blind....cooking and washing their dishes!?! And being 'told' to???? come on!

I think shes oblivious that theyre not really friends, but are using her.

Dont worry about anything 'happening' with them......I dont think its that type of situation. I think she's just desperate for friends and attention, and likes it from guys.

If these were 'good' male friends then they wouldnt treat her so badly. Maybe you can open her eyes to the fact that they dont really like her as much as she thinks

[Deveryn]

Thank you for your replies, it's hard to tell what exactly to do =( I can try my absolute best to open her eyes, but the last time I commented on them she used things like "Would you rather I spend 100% of my time on you?" and "Would you rather I just didn't have friends" which puts a rip into my heart because I want the best for her.
She's truly an amazing woman, perfect in every area that counts, but when it comes to who she chooses to hang out with, and seemingly how she sets her priorities...it's just extremely hard to deal with =(

Thanks again for insight you guys, it's really helped.

[dnm1010]

well i am a girl who doesnt really like to hang out with girls.. i am in a relationship and i dont really hang out with guys without my fiance but he doesnt mind if i do.. and my guy friends might sound racist or whatever but they just joke and dont mean any disrespect.

i realized something over the yrs... hanging out with guys is much safer than with girls.. especially single girls... my friend's girlfriend broke up wiht him after 4 yrs when he was about to propose because her single frineds poisoned her mind.. and i have met girls when my fiance and i were havin a long distnace rship and these girls wanted to go on cruises and go party and get drunk and i knew they would pick up guys and i would be in bad situations..

both sides can be equally bad. talk to her about how you feel. have u met her guy friends?