[hopekills]

Hey ya'll I'm so new at this I'm not even sure if I am doing this right meaning will I even be able to post my question? We shall see. I need help big time! I hate and love my ex at the same time. He's made me miserable an emotional rollercoaster ride only he has no idea. Ya see we broke-up in September 3 weeks later he's using little tactics to see me, of course I'm still in love with him, vulnerable, and missing him so much. He's actually the first guy I've really ever been intimate with we dated for about 8 months. The thing is within 3 weeks after our break-up I have no idea how it happen, but basically I have , I fear, become his sex buddy and I hate it. This isn't how I was raised I feel disgusted and it makes me sad and I'm not doing it anymore...it's been going on for about 3 months at first my motive had more to do with still being in love with him, wanting to be close to him again, and fulling myself that it might mean something to him? I'm beginning to realize if it meant something more we would be back together? But we are not he hasn't even talked about it, when i mention what is going on what do you want his response is always I don't know. How can he do this to me? He is so cruel and it is so painful. I've cried so much and have been in so much pain I am so f-ing tired of it, nothing is worth this much saddness so I have decided to distance myself. He txt me the day after x-mas a day too f-ing late I did not respond, I was quite hurt. Then he called me the day after that I did not pick-up. I just want to understand how he could string me along like this? What is his motive I don't want to believe it's just sex it would break my heart that he could have no feelings, but maybe I am just in denial. He once told me he could imagine seeing himself spend the rest of his life with me? Whatever happen to that? how could I even be in love with someone who does not have good intentions for me. I hate him right now! But then I've notice other times I fluctuate. I can't wait to get through this...I just want to understand what does he want from me! He's already dating someone I found out through my friend who happens to be mutual friends with the other girl...first of all she is 7 years older than him. Secondly he was seeing me the whole time he's been courting her I confronted him and he has denied it all. Basically this older woman has connections for him...do you see how evil he is! Anyways so turns out the 1 or 2 times I'd see him a week was at night all this other time he's hanging out with her...I confronted him but he reassured me that there is nothing going-on. However action speak louder than words and I could tell something is going-on. Why is he doing this to me? Is it because he still loves me...I guess that's what I'd like to belive but if someone loves you they wouldn't be doing this to you. Or is it because he's just Selfish!??? Any advice?

[Becoming]

Why is he doing this? Hello? He gets what he wants with no commitment, no strings. Why wouldn't he do this?

The real question is why do you let him?

End it once and for all. You'll hurt a bit longer, but you'll recover and learn from it that you're worth not having to compromise your values for.

[hopekills]

Thank you Becoming. It's so interesting that when it's happening to you you are so blinded by it all? I know it's so obvious what I need to do even I know what I need to do, but it's almost a fix for me seeing him just one more time. Then I do when he calls which he has it down to a "T" calling me every 3-4 days it use to be 2-3 now it's drop down to 3-4. Anyways I've realize that I have an addiction to love and it really has been tugging at my self-esteem and the bottom line is it's making me sad. So I just have to be strong and let him go even though I don't want to, but in the long run I'll be way better off. Plus it's as easy as I'm just not happy. I can't do this to myself anymore. My question is should I talk to him about my feelings and let him understand where I am coming from or just ignore him?

[Becoming]

I didn't mean to be harsh, but just the way you wrote your post indicated that you knew what you needed to do. It's already over, right? Closure is something you have to obtain within yourself, and this last post indicates that you have done just that. Why do you need to tell him about it? You might want to check out the no contact (NC) posts for further help, but I think if you contact him at all, it needs to be to make it clear that you don't want to hear from him again.

And I applaud you for choosing to be true to yourself and what you want/need and value. It seems like it should be easy, but it actually takes a lot of self control and courage, which in your saner moments, you have.

Best wishes!