[Walk]

Life was going great for a full month. I mean Great. captial G. It was awesome. *sigh*

The last couple days though, My bf's been... agitated, and angry. His job is horrible, but he's supporting us right now. I'm going to college (starts the 9th so I'm on a "vacation" I don't need), I'm not working. He hates his job. Truck driver, for example, his company will send him out sunday night at midnight and run the dog crap outta him until wednesday afternoon with no sleep. Then shoot him into NY for a Wed evening drop he can't possible make. They seem to think those pesky federal regulations don't apply to them. If he puts up a hassle about it, they don't give him any loads, which means no money. And can't pay bills.

This morning he gets up, (actually he hardly slept last night at all) and he was all fired up about anything, and everything. He was talking about the rights of miniorities and as bad as it sounds, I really had no interest. I tried to give my opinion a couple times, and he cut me off, or talked over me. Which really irks me. So I just let him rant til he was done. I can't stand when someone cuts me off constantly. But I swallowed my annoyence for his sake. It's the job...

Then this afternoon, he was going off about his job, and how it sucked. Normally I listen really well. Keep eye contact, ask questions pertaining to comments, etc. But (and I know this is no excuse) I'm pms'ing, I feel like a basket case, and every time I tried to bring up a problem I've had in last two days with life, I've gotten shut down and blown off, or a long winded lecture on what I should do. I'd just wanted to vent and get some support, instead I got a lecture on work ethic, drive and the ever popular Yoda philosophy of do or do not... whatever it is.

Last night my stomach hurt so bad I was crying, and the best I got outta him was one "you okay?" He's wrapped up in how to pay the bills, how much he hates his job, how bad his life sucks. It does. I wouldn't last a minute doing the job he does. And I know how it feels to be in a position where you can't quit, can't find a way out, and your only option is to go back in and let them rape you again and again. It's probably the worst feeling in the world. Versus me, who has no job, no classes right now, and my problems compared to the rest of society are small and pathetic.

(this is convoluted, I'm sorry.)

This afternoon he had to leave at 4. I'm sitting on the couch with him, and he's talking about different aspects of the job that are horrible, and how badly it affects the drivers, the pay, and the moral of people. I've listened to the same rant for nearly 2 years now. I know it doesn't get any easier for him in what he does. I know it's stressful, and there's a lot of animosity involved. The drives are treated like second class citizens, called lazy and stupid for not breaking the 14 hour work day like the company wants. He works more in 3 days then anyone works in a full week. I know this because I've ridden with him before, watched him, and seen what he goes through. It's not a life I'd wish on my worst enemy. Anyway....

I played with the cat while he talked... I didn't want to listen. I'd heard it all before. I was angry he didn't listen to me. I was angry that he was withdrawn and moody. I was angry that I can't seem to do anything well in my life, and when I try to express my frustration to people, I get lectures full of cliches on how I should just "do it". I'm angry because I'm no good at "it", so why do "it". and if I suck at what I love, then what the hell am I doing? And trying to talk about it with those closest to me, has ended up with them basically telling me I'm a pathetic loser who needs to just stop talking about it.

He got mad at me for playing with the cat. He got quiet, got up and filled his to go cup, and put his shoes on. I asked what I'd done wrong, and he said I obviously didn't want to listen because I'd rather play with the cat. Then he walked out, got in his car, and left.

I text messaged him 4 hours ago. Apologized for making him feel as though I didn't care about what he was talking about, and that I was sorry.

There won't be a response. I'm either the biggest ******* in the world, or he jumped this way outta proportion. Maybe I'm just an ungrateful bytch. I hate this. I'm torn between extreme anger, and wanting to lay crying on the floor. Am i the biggest self-centered bytch? *sigh* I just didn't want to listen to it anymore. I was tired of hearing about it. tired of listening, yet never being heard.. I realized what I was doing when I was playing with the cat and stopped. I realized I wasn't being the "attentive partner", and tried to listen. But he was over it by then. and walked out.

[Outcast]

Two people each wrapped up in their own problems. And you with PMS. ugh.

First things first - you have to take care of you. PMS SUCKS and can turn pussycats into lionesses.

So go here and try some stuff to get a handle on that.

http://www.pdrhealth.com/content/wom...s/fgwh03.shtml

Secondly, I thought drivers were in demand. Can't he get another job with a better company? Maybe while he's gone you can hunt around on the 'net to find other possible jobs for him.

[Walk]

They are in high demand, as long as they are willing to stay on the road for 2 to 4 weeks straight. My bf's comprimise in the relationship, was to get home every weekend. But they will work him 18 hours a day 5 days a week, and still call him lazy when he demands time off to sleep.

There aren't many trucking jobs in the area that guarantee home time every weekend. Most are "home occasionally". or one 34 hour period per 7 days... if possible.

I know he's looking for a better company, better job... I've tried to help, but all the ones I bring him he's talked to already. And frankly, I found this last company, and they are probably the worst in the industry, so I'm hesitant to suggest another one to him.

Five hours, and he's so pissed he won't even text message me. What do I do...? I'm feeling about as low as possible right now.

[Walk]

Good website outcast. That whole list... that's me. Spent all day yesterday crying over nothing. Tried so damn hard not to. I'm a head case. It's not usually this bad though. I don't understand it.

[johan]

Hey, Walk. Sorry to hear about your stress. You just had a fight is all. You'll work it out. You need to be able to communicate to him that all his complaining is more than you can take, particularly because you have some of your own to do. Maybe set a timer or something so you can trade off. He needs to be able to lighten up a bit, if possible.

[Walk]

Johan... do you think that would fly with an SO? Wouldn't that come off as... uncaring.. cold?

"Hunny, I'm only going to listen to you for 10 minutes. Then shut up. Okay?"

I'm joking, but semi-serious. How would a person approach an SO with an idea like this? Not sure it would stop him from thinking about it though. I need a none cash way to get his mind off his problems. (other than sex)

Do you think, from a man's point of view, that if I explained my pms head crazed state that he'd show a little compassion? Taking into consideration that he's working his azz off, and I'm sitting around the house waiting for classes to start up again.