In Search Of...Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.
I have been without a boyfriend for 6 months and I have not met one relationship worthy person since. I'm involved with something casual now to tide me over until I find a relationship and I'm working on myself. I've never really had to try too hard in the past, previously they've all just fallen in my lap. I can't help but feel that I am doing something wrong....whether it's being too picky, looking in the wrong places, etc. but it's getting frustrating. I don't know what to do or where else to look but 6 months is my limit. Advice, anyone?
I know it feels interminable when you're lonely, but really...it's not that long of a time to be single.
It concerns me that you're with someone 'casually' in order to 'tide you over'.
Does that mean you can't stand to be single? I'd take a look at that. If you are not comfortable being on your own, what is that about? Are relationships a major source of security for you?
It's easier to find men to date during certain points in life; I mean, college is one big meat fest, isn't it? But as we get older and more entrenched in careers and jobs and adult life, people don't tend to just 'fall into our lap' anymore.
Since you are finding it more challenging to meet date-worthy people, I'd suggest the following;
* Find things to focus on that are meaningful to you and that you enjoy (i.e. fitness, hobbies, church, lectures, volunteer work, etc). You are more likely to meet people with shared interests if you get yourself involved.
* Don't date people you don't really like just for the sake of doing something. It's really sad and you risk hurting another person.
* Learn to be OK being single. It's not a crime.
I'm sure you will meet a quality person along the way. I think part of the key is to BE a quality person and to try to meet others who share your values.
Thanks for the advice. Wow, these are things I never thought I would hear uttered to me. I am consistently single and I have been for all of my life. My relationships are spotty to say the least but its time for things to change. I have not had a boyfriend in a year and have not been in anything even remotely resembling a relationship in 6 months. I have a wealth of issues (yes issues) where I should be encouraged to open up to relationships rather than shy away from them. I know most people here wouldn't know that and I can see why the advice was given from an outsider's POV but I don't think it's right for me. I need to be more involved not less involved and I'm just looking for advice on what I'm doing wrong and how to meet relationship worthy people.
As far as my casual relationship, it's someone from my past and if anyone will get hurt it will be me, not him, I can guarantee that. In this case, hurting someone else is not something to be worried about.
No body likes a dry spell JS17 and I'm sorry you are expierencing one. Trying to look for a boyfriend/girlfriend is like watching for a pot of water to boil....it doesn't always happen when you are looking. Don't let your frustration get the better of you.
It is New Year's weekend coming up which is a big opportunity to meet people. When you have opportunities like that don't spend them at home, get out there and go to a party or some event. Your mission should you choose to except it is to make the most of this New Years and have some lips to lock on to at the stroke of midnight.
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It concerns me that you're with someone 'casually' in order to 'tide you over'.
* Find things to focus on that are meaningful to you and that you enjoy (i.e. fitness, hobbies, church, lectures, volunteer work, etc). You are more likely to meet people with shared interests if you get yourself involved.
* Don't date people you don't really like just for the sake of doing something. It's really sad and you risk hurting another person.
* Learn to be OK being single. It's not a crime.
I'm sure you will meet a quality person along the way. I think part of the key is to BE a quality person and to try to meet others who share your values.
Good luck!
I think you just wrote out my New Year's Resolution. Now instead of staying home writing it out I can sit at home and uh...study maybe.
I'm not about to go to a party by myself and hope to "lock lips at midnight" (Tudor)
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I'm not 40. I'm $39.95 plus shipping and handling.
I just feel really abnormal, like this doesn't happen to other people, because it doesn't happen to anyone I know.
Happens to plenty of people I know. I've never understood the urge to date just to date. If you want to go out in the evenings, go with friends.
Given that every person is a combination of attitudes, values, interests, etc. that is unique, it's unreasonable to expect that you can mesh enough to have a relationship with many people. Think of a lottery - the chances you can pick six numbers are one in 14 million. You're trying to pick many more times that as a combination of interests, etc. So you're not going to find 'relationship material' everywhere. You maybe find a few such people across a lifetime.
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I have a wealth of issues (yes issues) where I should be encouraged to open up to relationships rather than shy away from them.
Why 'relationships' plural? Isn't the goal of going out to find a mate?
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I need to be more involved not less involved
So get involved with groups. Develop more friendships. Widen your social circle. In fact, getting into a 'relationship' usually pulls you out of social contact with others.
Well I have lots of friends or at least acquaintances and I have lost quite a few from a past relationship but most of them are usually busy with boyfriends or girlfriends. Not dating for any period of time doesn't happen in my social circle, I'm the odd man out, always have been. My close group of friends usually makes a point to get together every week or at least every other week. My problem isn't having too few friends and it never really has been. My problem is with relationships. I don't have them and I don't know how to find them. It seems to come easier to most than it does to me and I'm not trying to cop out I'm trying to figure out how to fix it. But you're right, for me the goal is to find one relationship, not plural.
Well JS, hang in there and don't lose hope. I think everyone thinks that things that happen to them don't happen to other people. It's not true! Many people have dry spells (heck, I had friend who went 2 years without a boyfriend!).
Just be involved in things you enjoy and that bring you happiness. being a happy person is the best way to attract someone positive into your circle.
Good luck and by the way, your avatar is the cutest!!!!
As far as my casual relationship, it's someone from my past and if anyone will get hurt it will be me, not him, I can guarantee that. In this case, hurting someone else is not something to be worried about.
Well this happened sooner than I thought. He changed his mind, he's seeing someone now. I guess its 100% back to the dry spell.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Wow, these are things I never thought I would hear uttered to me. I am consistently single and I have been for all of my life. My relationships are spotty to say the least but its time for things to change. I have not had a boyfriend in a year and have not been in anything even remotely resembling a relationship in 6 months. I have a wealth of issues (yes issues) where I should be encouraged to open up to relationships rather than shy away from them. I know most people here wouldn't know that and I can see why the advice was given from an outsider's POV but I don't think it's right for me. I need to be more involved not less involved and I'm just looking for advice on what I'm doing wrong and how to meet relationship worthy people.
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