[billskrill]

I won't go through how my ex gf broke up with me and under what circumstances again but if you're curious look back at my previous posts in early october. Anyways I have had no contact what so ever with her since November 6th...or about 7 weeks. 49 days which is mind boggling just how fast these days have gone by. I am now dating a girl who almost anyone who would compare her with my ex would say she is so much better for me. The only problem is I still find myself longing for my ex. I hadn't ever been in love with anyone before her in my 24 years on this earth. This new girl is great, I'm getting to know her better and we are taking things very slow as her last relationship was somewhat similar to mine. I no longer have the nights where I cry myself to sleep and I find that I am not thinking about my ex near as much as I used to, but I am still thinking about her at least daily. I guess I have a question that refers to something my ex told me after the breakup. She wanted to remain friends and I told her remaining friends would make it to where I would never get over her and would slowly go insane. She wasn't ready for a relationship and before anyone says that's a BS excuse (which it very well could have been), I believe that she was in fact telling me the truth because of everything that was going on in her life at the time which you can look back on my posts if you're interested. She told me if we are meant to be together how in the world would it ever happen if we can't simply be friends and let things happen naturally without having any kind of expectations. So my question is in the coming weeks or months should I contact her and try to stay in her life, or should I go against my gut feeling that we were made for each other and move my life on completely without her in my life at all??? The girl I've been dating is amazing like I said, but her, like every other girl, just doesn't get me the way my ex did. I almost know for sure that everyone's going to tell me to move on but I just want to hear some opinions from a few different people to see what everyone's reaction is outside of my friends.

[Yamaha]

If she is so interested in friendship she will contact you. You are still in love with this girl and if she isn't interested in more than friendship you will just start hurting again. My advice is to stay with NC until your feelings subside and you can look upon her as a friend. If things develop after that than so be it but now is not the time to be her friend.

hey bill,

My ex is doing much the same thing. She doesnt want to pursue a committed relationship with me because she's not 'ready' even though she 'loves me' and etc. So we broke it off about 4 weeks ago. Ever since I have cut contact with her...but she still seeks me out. Almost daily. She really REALLY wants to be friends and says she cant bear to have me just pass on from her life. Well...that plays havoc on my heartstrings as you can imagine as her idea of friendship is pretty ambiguous (see my post from a week ago). But heres my take on both our situations.

If she breaks up with you but doenst understand that in doing so she has hurt you and blown a hole in your world where she used to be then she's being about as selfish as my ex is. And she is not respecting you. She has a right to end a relationship, but she also has the responsibility to accept the consequences as well. She has to leave you be so you can put your heart back together. Afterwards, the decision to be friends or not...well, that one is YOURS. You decide, and she gets to live with that decision too.

If you continue to play at being friends, especially with this idea she has given you that this COULD lead to reconciliation of some sort, imagine the kind of tension that this kind of yearning ambiguity is going to create between you two. I promise you it will be unbearable and will probably end badly. If she wants to get back with you she should go away, figure out if thats what she wants and then ask you if you'll take her back. But any of this 'just being friends' in the meantime is, apart from being selfish and possibly even downright manipulative (of you and your feelings), a lot like trying to have her cake and eat it too.

Tell her she made her choice. Tell her to respect your right to get yourself back together and once you do, you'll call her. Thats what I think and thats what I think I need to do too.

salmagundi