[Kanejd]

Hi everyone! I would appreciate any suggestions you can offer.

My girlfriend is sweet, caring and funny...until she has a drink. I've been with her for 17 months. I didn't know she had an addiction to alcohol until four months in. I thought she could overcome it; I believed in her. She tried rehab and AA without positive results (she refuses to go to AA or counseling because she thinks that she is smarter than the counselors). She seems to drink at night so she can sleep and not deal with a job she hates, a weight problem and excessive financial hardship. She is a happy drunk until you say or do something she does not like, then all hell breaks loose. She has managed to prevent the addiction from affecting her job because she only drinks at night. However, she has gained 40 pounds in the last year and is misserable and highly self-conscious.

I have been hanging on a string for a while now. I do not believe I can change her; only she can do that. I am running on optimism because she is so wonderful in so many ways. But every time she drinks, I get so dissappointed...I just want to run away. The day after she drinks, she does not even acknowledge anything from the night before, even if she said extremely hurtful things to me or embarrassed herself. Her friends don't come around much anymore. Her mother is oblivious. I seem to be her only advocate. I don't want to give up on her, but her whole life is in shambles and I don't want to be dragged there too.

I have tried to talk to her several times, but she just gets defensive and starts cursing at me. She does not want to hear any critisism or insight to how her behavior is effecting herself or others. She has gone so far as to drink Niquil every night because she things it's better than having a drink. She hides her drinking from me because she knows I get upset. I'm away at work every week and she regularly gets drunk when I'm not home and tells me she hasn't been drinking even though I hear it in her voice. She is not willing to take responsibility. I'm fed up but I don't want to leave her high and dry. However, if I leave it might be a wake up call to get some help.

Bottom line is I love her and want to be there for her, but it's taking a huge toll on my feelings and my personal satisfaction in the relationship. My optimism is starting to turn to realism and feeling that I need to move on. I'm very confused!