[a4a]

Holy bat bananas I think I stumbled on a conclusion!

Need some input though.

For those of you that have had an emotional affair of sorts could you please inform me how this works?

I think that is the problem with my Husbands friends wife......is she having some sort of one sided emotional affair with my H? Is this what spurs her rantings and need to be in our personal life? I have been trying to figure this out for months.......why she seems to keep putting us in the position to give her attention......or to get my Hs attention.

I am confused........ I think........ is this the problem with this woman? Do EAs act out on feelings of jealousy?

a4a

[JadeStar]

I have never been in an emotional affair, but I would think that its possible shes acting out of jealousy. Maybe its not so much an emotional affair shes having with your husband, (then again I don't know the whole story) but maybe she is just jealous of the relationship you have with your husband. Its something maybe she wants or craves for herself. Just my 2 cents.



Jade

[a4a]

Well they have known each other for probably close to 15 years..... I swoop in and wisked him away from her. .....she is the center of attention in most cases or throws fits.....Literal fits......to get the attention. She has now destroyed financial ties......this behavior escalated to the extreme once we married.

see my huge blow out post in the friendship section to understand her current clawing into our relationship.

Is it possible to deal with a person like this..... I do not want my husband to drop his friendship with her husband. However I have had enough of her crap at this point and I am on the brink of most likely getting nasty if she continues to push buttons.

I feel like I am dealing with a Nellie Olsen for sure!

a4a

[JadeStar]

Oh nooooo not Nellie Olsen! Wasn't she a b*tch, She really needed a good paddle to the backside.

Is it possible that if your husband is friends with her husband that it can just stop there? Meaning your husband and hers can remain friends but doesn't mean you have to be friends with. She sounds like a drama queen no doubt. Is she like this with others too, or do you notice its just with your husband? Does it bother him she acts this way? Or is he used to it and really pays her no mind?



Jade

[a4a]

They (husbands mine and hers) ignore or appease her to stop her tantrums.
Other friends will make comments like "oh no.....she is pissed again, I better get out of here"


The thing is I guess my H is so used to it and excuses it. This woman literally threw papers around in front of us and stomped during a casual meeting......why?

She has her husband mention to me and my husband that my H no longer stays and chats with her after work and her feelings are hurt because my H does not have time for her in his life now that I have come along.....well no shyt! He is married and wants to go home to his wife......doh!

Upon the announcement of our wedding to them she proceeded to drag out a huge assortment of her wedding mementos and go on and on about them for over an hour..... thought that was kinda weird??

She is sure to mention my husbands ex in front of me often and keeps in touch with her as well...... I do think this is done on purpose, as we never ask nor does my husband about his ex......and this woman has stated how much she disliked my husbands ex but yet still contacts and makes statements about her and feeds the ex info about our relationship......weird.

It escalated to the point of a blow up over him not paying attention to her that the business dealings are now gone...... yet she pulls this New Years invite..... wtf?

There is no way to actually avoid her while maintaining a relationship with her husband..... who I do like and is funny as all hell. A overall good person in most respects.

I was thinking of getting her a Nellie Olsen T-shirt for xmas

Now I think I need a damn beer because adding up the total sum of the rotten things she has either said or done has just pissed me off again
above is just the tip of the ice berg.

a4a

[JadeStar]

"This woman literally threw papers around infront of us and stomped during a casual meeting...why?"


Because she is an attention wh*re! Its all about HER HER HER! She displays lots of personality disorder traits no doubt. I feel sorry for her husband as well. However, he has probably learn to ignore her or possibly is numb to her behavior. I have no idea how to tell you how to handle people like this. I'm sure its very frustrating to be around.




Jade

[lindya]

Originally Posted by a4a

They (husbands mine and hers) ignore or appease her to stop her tantrums.
Other friends will make comments like "oh no.....she is pissed again, I better get out of here"

Ignoring the tantrums is maybe the best way to go, a4a, though I can see that it would be difficult not to react. I'm thinking of a guy I used to work for (who I've indirectly referred to in a few threads) who frequently behaved in a totally idiotic manner at work - shouting, swearing and throwing papers around. I found that the best way to react was to silently watch with a blank expression on my face....then once he'd finished, I'd say whatever I'd gone into his office to say, as if nothing had happened.

Initially I really had to steel myself to react calmly, especially as he'd often start shouting (it pissed him off when he didn't get the reaction he was looking for). If I'd gone with my natural reaction, I would have stood there biting my lip and giggling nervously and he'd have eaten me alive. Eventually it just became second nature to deal with him dispassionately, and he then tried to turn his behaviour into some sort of shared joke between us. Not pleasant to have to cope with that sort of arsehole on a regular basis, but having a set strategy makes it more bearable.

It must be incredibly annoying to have this woman featuring in your private life so much. I hope your husband appreciates how supportive you're being in trying to find ways of coping with her.

[basscatcher]

I have a similiar friendship.
Since Mr. L. came into my life one of my gfs gets pissy with me because I won't drop everything to go to her when she is having a bad day or doesn't want to be alone in her apartment.
When I am out with Mr. L. and she knows it she will call me several times during my date and try to keep me on the phone with chitter chatter that isn't important.

She has admitted she is jealous. She admitted she feels like Mr. L. has taken me away from her.

I get so annoyed with her always spewing that I dont' spend much time with her anymore, that I don't come over like I use too, that I spend all my time with Mr. L,..

It is pure jealousy.... Mr. L and I go out. we do things together. we don't sit at home much. he takes me to lots of places around the city.

My gf and her bf havent been on many real date. (possibly 2 altogether) They moved in together with in a month of consumating their relationship past friends. She has two small children that need babysitters if they go out (one is handicap and the other is a handful), they are very tight on money too so they cant really go out..

Mr. L. buys me stuff all the time (even thought I tell him not too.) My gf doesn't get much from her bf because they don't have money to spare..

She is very jealous and she is always interferring by calling me all the time when she knows I am with him and trying to guilt trip me for not spending as much time with her as before...

I think an emotional affair is more like someone desireing someone else romantically when they are already married or committed.

[Outcast]

a4a, you really have to let this go. I keep thinking there's an underlying bit of jealousy that focuses you so much on her actions. Your H has made it clear that he's not interested. So other than deciding she's got 'issues' and that you won't let them get to her, I'd just let it drop and quit thinking about it constantly.

Bottom line - you don't need to know why she's doing what she's doing. All you need to know you know - your husband isn't going to let it sway him.

[a4a]

It is a tad hard to let go of if you don't have a choice but to interact with the person. Her husband is my husbands friend of over 20 years. No choice but to have run in with her or tell my H that he can just count me out of his life with his friends.

I have no worries about my Husbands reaction to her........ she is not his type.... I am cetainly not jealous as she is a frump at best.

This Bitch just destroyed the hard work of my husband, could have almost financially destroyed us (but we have back up funds), and is ruining a good friendship.

So forgive me for posting about something that is important to me and asking how the hell to deal with this person when I have no other choice but to do so.

a4a