[mememememe]

i have ALWAYS had trouble with this, and i fear it is a vicious cycle i will never be able to get out of.

i just moved to a new city and i took a new job in sales. i am terrified of losing my job because i ALWAYS have terrible issues with bosses.

i become mousy, nervous, self-concious, etc. and they realize that i am not the person they thought they hired. i slam out interviews like you wouldn't believe, but then when it comes down to actually performing, i freak out. slowly i fade into the corner, i become desperate to fit in, it feels just like high school all over again. it is crazy.

outside of the office or a job where i can't perform, i am FINE. i have just overcome a lot of relationship issues from my childhood abuse (mostly verbal/psychological, sometimes physical). walking down the street, i am everyone's muse and friend. socially it still takes me a whiiiiiiiiiiiiiile to warm up (i don't do well in new groups immediately) but when i do,i feel great about who i am.

so why this trouble at work? i am flat broke, 27 and terrified of not performing at the office. it has happened before and now i feel like i am destined to be the odd one, the weird one, the one who people think is an idiot. yesterday was my first day and i felt like i wanted to die. i sat there and didn't know what to do, who to ask questions. i lost all confidence and acted detached even though i didn't want to.

help??

[Outcast]

When did this start? Did you do OK in school? Can you trace this back to a time when you feel you failed at something and felt ashamed about it?

[mememememe]

i've always felt scapegoated with authority figures. even my therapist i have felt bad with, and she was my ally!

i have always been like this. unless you have a bad relationship with your mom or dad, it's hard to understand. basically you just feel like no one likes you. i even had my flute teacher tell me, at 13 years old, ( i was VERY quiet and shy and introverted ) " you have this look about you that says 'just try me' " ) so apparently i give off a bad vibe. i do everything i can to behave, fit in, etc....

i don't know -- i did well in school, honor student. i just suffer from poor inner-confidence with authority figures...almost all other aspects of life i am extremely confident.

i don't know. most of it is in my head.

[Outcast]

Well if you understand the problem, you have the key to the solution. Google 'affirmations'. Essentially, brainwash yourself out of the negative thoughts you keep having. Whenever one starts, replace it with one like 'I am competent and bright; I was an honors student'. Make a list of all your accomplishments and read it daily. Then vow to add to them. And view authority figures as people you can learn from. If one turns out to be an idiot, then learn how to be patient with him.

You understand your behaviour is self-defeating so make up your mind to change it. Refuse to allow yourself to fall into dysfuntional patterns of behaviour.

[Craig]

This might help, have a look, it's free...

http://mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/