Here is my story:
My husband and I are in a "controlled separation". We both agreed to it (really his idea and his need to figure out what he wants, we have discussed handling finances & custody of our daughter, and we've given a ballpark date for reevaluting...March 2006.)
Married = four yrs & been together = eight yrs. When I first met my husband he wasn't very "active" outside the home and I was. I suggested and supported him in taking up old and new sports. Boy it seems to have bit me in the butt too! Since then he has increasingly spent more and more time with his softball & karate. To the point that when he comes home now he is still in "sport mode" and just prefers to watch t.v. or be in the computer than do things with me and/or our daughter.
I noticed about two years ago when I was prego with our daughter that he was obsessed about his body. Trying to lose more weight than necessary for karate weigh in's, claimed he was fat (165 and 5'11" and he thought he was fat? uhhh that's pretty skinny. When we met he was 205 and in very good shape with ripped muscles). It was so bad that family & friends were asking if he was anorexic and they weren't teasing. He claimed he needed lipo and was constantly weighing himself and watching what he ate. He was always tired and crabby. Only had enough energy for karate. Made me feel bad about myself at times.
After our daughter was born he swore he would cut back on his karate & softball. It worked...for awhile...now he is playing ball 2x week (that doesn't bother me) and karate 2-3+ days/week and monthly year around tournaments and several out of state every year (that bothers me especially since I am NOT invited to go with to his out of state tourneys).
I have felt neglected and thought something was wrong. I figured if I left him alone he would come to me with his issue(s). He hasn't. Then I pushed too much to try to work on things he wasn't ready to do.
I suspected adultery but he swears up & down that he hasn't. He's been pushing me away. Told me in October that he "loves me but is not in love with me" "is not attracted to me" and "has no desire to have sex with me". I have lost ALL of my weight and more since having my daughter, been taking very good care of myself internally & externally. Self-esteem & confidence are good for me now. So that's not it.
I have initiated sex the majority of the time the last year or so and he feels "obligated" he says to do so. He hasn't worn his ring in a few months. Says it bothers him. He's never liked wearing it.
We had some bad fights that put us to the edge of "ok we need to separate". He moved out December 1st, 2005. He wants to find out if he'll get that desire back for me. He wants "inner peace" he said and to figure out his issues.
We are going to counseling. Communication is getting so much better but that's it. Conversations are good unless we try to talk about issues 'cause he blows up and takes off. He yelled at me this weekend and said "You annoy me, I hate you, that's why I'm leaving! I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you unhappy!"
We haven't spoken much since. I'm am getting numb. Ready to throw in the towel. I'm staying because he does go to counseling. He says he has issues he has to deal with. What should I do? What advice is going around? Anyone else dealt with this? I suspect he is depressed for one. He has touched on that subject at times then denies it. He is a non-confrontational person. He walks away more times then dealing with things.
Sorry for the novel. I REALLY appreciate that you have read this and ANY & ALL comments/advice/suggestions would be wonderful. Thank you!
-Amethyst020
Handling a new separation...help!
That is a typical thing. My XW didn't think going on an 8 hour motorcylce run with the OM was dating, or going over to his house or having him over to our house when I was gone should be considered dating. I think cheating spouses are the only people that seem to have difficulty in defining the term.
)
Linear Mode
