[naginal]

I was in a twenty two month relationship, well we broke up start of this year for three months and a lot went on during that time n both of our lives but when she asked me bk telling me her biggest mistake was in telling me she no longer loved me well i didnt question i took her back she proposed to me two months later and i didnt question that either but then in august 2005 she left me, broke my heart all over again told me she didnt love me nymore she didnt want me, since then well were still mates and talk often and ive seen her face to face twice for some time, but i get so jealous when she talks to anyone else, and i blame myself for our brakeup, and because i cant make her fall back n love with me, i think theres something wrong with me because she dont want me anymore, its been four months and i still cry madly over her and im still so madly in love with her i just dont know what to do

I have just being the dumper.

It feels terrible. I do not know about your girlfriend, but I will tell you my experience in the hope that it can help you somehow.

I loved my boyfriend, he was a fantasic guy. We got along quite well and we had a good life together. However, through no fault of his, things started to feel different. I realised that we both wanted different things from life, and after three years together, I realised some unresolved issues were still causing us problems and were ALWAYS going to cause us problems. I decided that I could not live my life like that. I also realised my doubts, my anger at some things in our relationship were not going away. I became more and more unhappy at the thought of living with things missing, and in the end I decided that I could not be in the relationship anymore.

So even if it is the hardest, most horrible thing I have ever done, I left my boyfriend. It tore my heart out to hurt him, and even now as I write this I feel like crying. I feel so guilty, so terrible, so mean. But I made the right decision, even through my pain, I KNOW I made the right decision.

naginal, I do not know you, but I do not think that there is anything wrong with you. There was no problem with my boyfriend, he was a great guy, but we were just not destined to be together. It is sad, it hurts, but unfortunately it happens all the time in life. I guess it is just one of those things that suck, it is no ones fault, it just happens. I am sure when she said she didn't love you, she didn't mean it quite in those words. She probably does not love you romantically, she still will love you deep inside. She probably always will. I know I still love my ex, but that does not mean I want to be with him. She will still love you, but that does not mean she want to be with you.

I suppose the reasons for her leaving are not that important. The important thing now is healing yourself. You need to accept that it is over. Say those words to yourself one million times until you believe them to be true. If you do start to think about her again, tell yourself again. You cannot make someone love you, they need to do that for themselves. If she does not love you nothing you can do will change that. I know that sound horrible, but it is a truth you will need to accept. She is not coming back and there is nothing you can do to change that.

You need to initiate No contact. If it makes you feel better, explain this to her. Tell her you need to not see her, not hear from her, not email her. This is the fastest and most effective way to heal. You may not believe me, but seeing her and speaking with her is not helping you. You need to cut her from your life until you heal.

Your feelings are normal, the hurt, the pain, the heartbreak. Most of us have been there at some point. And it hurts all the same. But IT DOES get better. You may not believe me, but I know it does. I have been dumped before, and it hurt so bad, but you know what, five years later I feel no hurt over the end of that relationship. I even look back on it and smile. My ex and I see each other sometimes and we talk. There is no pain. I moved on with my life and so did he.

You will be fine, no one ever died from a broken heart. You will live and you will learn some important lessons about yourself. One is that YOU CAN survive hurt. So use this time to improve yourself. Take up a hobby, take a new class. If you have some emotional issues that need fixing, go and see a counsellor. Working on bettering yourself.

You will find you are concentrating so much on bettering yourself, one day you will wake up and the pain won't be so strong. All the time it will get less, and one day you will be able to think about that girl and smile. And you will not be upset it is over.

Good luck, you will get through this. Ask us all, we all have!!

[suegail]

Well, she's now done this to you twice. You took her at her word after the first time and allowed her back into your life. I don't see why you're on a guilt trip about all this. She just doesn't seem to know what she wants. That doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. She is just pretty mixed up.

And you know it's never good when someone pulls you back and forth, "I love you...I don't love you....I want to marry you...and now it's goodbye forever..." It's just something you don't need. She's quite satisfied because she's the one in total control, but it's terribly unfair to you.

I hope very soon you'll feel better about things and you'll know in your heart you're better off not being in that kind of a relationship.

[naginal]

Thank you so much for your reply's it means a lot, i am trying to move on but as for no contact thats not likely, shes rele messed up in the head because of a nasty past and shes going to counselling to try and fix her life and she confides n me sometimes so i feel i cant turn away when she needs friends the most.