[Mistaken Identity]

I'll try to make this brief. I've been married six years. I have a 14 year-old from a former long-term relationship, and a five year-old by my current husband. Our marriage has never been good. I married him after he attempted suicide. (He was distraught because I didn't want him to move in with me.) He was diagnosed with schizophrenia and depression. He also has restless leg syndrome and he rocks back and forth when he's alone. It's only recently that he quit drinking. He used to drink--to get drunk-- a minimum of four times a week. In the first years of our marriage he was jealous of the friendship I had with my eldest daughter's father (who is now deceased), and he would leave me without warning. I would have to track him down (I was always worried he was off somewhere about to commit suicide) and beg him to come back. I should add that he rarely holds a job for any length of time. Now we've moved to another state. He has a job he loves. But I know it's only a matter of time before he loses it. We don't sleep in the same room, don't kiss, etc. We don't have anything in common. Worse, he has started looking up porn on the internet--mostly college-freshmen-in-panties and "upskirt" stuff. My eldest daughter hates him. But coworkers and other acquaintances think he's a great guy. I just want a divorce. Am I wrong?

[Mz. Pixie]

Perhaps you could get one on the grounds of diminished mental capacity.

[Becoming]

Why do you think you need our permission or validation? Because you're afraid of being a bad person? Because you promised?

You know you shouldn't have married him in the first place, don't you?

[933KJL]

Grounds? Are there really "grounds" for divorce any longer? You are not happy in your marriage for whatever reason--this is irreconcilable differences. Either get help to make it better or move on.

Nothing to be ashamed of. If you are unhappy, it is up to YOU to make the changes necessary.

[Mistaken Identity]

Thanks everyone. Once again, I had to wake him up to tell him to go to work. He overslept by an hour. He's been there a little over two weeks and he's already missed two days and has called in late twice. I think I'm going to move back home to friends and family and just call it quits.

It seems unfair to this fellow for the fact that he appears unaware of what is going on right now. Having a mental illness is a horrible disease that needs support from loved ones, as the defecits you have described will and do occur with individuals suffering from an SMI. Have you tried therapy? A good psychologist could help...if it is a joint effort...if you've already given up, then its too late...