Since we started dating several months ago, my boyfriend and I have both had issues with each other's pasts, but mostly him with mine. We have both had sex with a number of people prior to meeting, but he is constantly bothered by my number - mostly, he says, because he doesn't feel like he is "special" to me.
He knows that I love him and admits to being hypocritical, but this has become a serious issue for us. I don't know how to explain to him that although sex hasn't always been a special thing for me, it is different when I am with him.
We were discussing it last night, and he mentioned that maybe we should stop having sex until we're married!! He said that it is something that neither of us have done before (which is true), and maybe NOT having sex would be the best way for us to prove our commitment to each other.
I am trying not to be totally close minded about this...but I just don't think it's something I want to do!
You need to exorcise yourself of this selfish man..
your numbers are fine IF you are married but not while your dating..
This guy is going to do nothing but hurt you.. it has only been a few months.. I would consider rethinking this relationship and decide if you really need this kind of drama..
It is a window to your future with him.
sounds to me like his ego is blurring his judgement
He can't expect you to just stop until you're married, especially if you've only been dating several months, that's just downright silly!
Not to mention he shoud be flattered you were willing to share all of your past with him, rather than hide it from him
You need to talk to him and figure out what is going on with him that he is so stuck on your past, instead of the present
"I am trying not to be totally close minded about this...but I just don't think it's something I want to do!"
so maybe the number freaked him. If the roles were reversed, it might "freak" you a little bit, maybe not. But it's not incomprehensible why he might at least feel a bit weird about it. his reaction is extreme, and your above quote sums up what you want to do. you don't want to miss that part of a relationship. giving emotion/shock time to wear off for him can help, but in the end you need to figure out what youre willing to do and what youre not.
Personally I think its a test. He without a doubt currently thinks your a whore. So would I, neverless he still likes you, but he feels he can't trust you. The whole idea of waiting till you marry is a test to see if your a whore or not and with a statement like "I am trying not to be totally close minded about this...but I just don't think it's something I want to do!" just proves ya are. I think he has become confident in his commitment to you. Abstaning from sex is a way to test his own resolve and find out if you truly are faithful.
Personally I think its a test. He without a doubt currently thinks your a whore. So would I, neverless he still likes you, but he feels he can't trust you.
You think she's a whore? Why don't you also think he is a whore when he too has been with the same or more people, she says "We have both had sex with a number of people prior to meeting". What makes someone a whore? Maybe your religion brainwashes you to think sex is bad, but if two adults enjoy it, then a 3rd person has no right to judge them, especially when he himself has slept around. Rickymoemoe, this is the worst post I've read on LS.
Quote:
The whole idea of waiting till you marry is a test to see if your a whore or not and with a statement like "I am trying not to be totally close minded about this...but I just don't think it's something I want to do!" just proves ya are. I think he has become confident in his commitment to you. Abstaning from sex is a way to test his own resolve and find out if you truly are faithful.
Her wanting to have sex with her controlling, hypocritical, low-self-esteem boyfriend makes her a whore? so all the girls out there who want to make love to their boyfriends prior to marriage - proves they're a whore? Maybe he should check his resolve by living realistically. She should definitely find a man who will like her for who she is and her past is part of who she is. She doesn't need lame tests and to sacrifice a big part of her life for a selfish guy with double standards.
The fact she would even consider such a stupid thing he's asking of her makes her amazing and proves how much she must like him, not as you say proves she's a whore. He's not asking her to not have sex with the neighbor or his friends, but with HIM! Gimme a break. Talk about insecure, judgemental, controlling men! I'd run fast before investing (wasting) any more time and feelings into an undeserving person.
You think she's a whore? Why don't you also think he is a whore when he too has been with the same or more people, she says "We have both had sex with a number of people prior to meeting". What makes someone a whore? Maybe your religion brainwashes you to think sex is bad, but if two adults enjoy it, then a 3rd person has no right to judge them, especially when he himself has slept around. Rickymoemoe, this is the worst post I've read on LS.
For the record I think they are both whore's which is why they are good for each other. Even still there is not the level of trust that should be and would of been if they both had been abstaining from sex. That is why religions teach asbstance before marriage, as not to bring pain and lack of trust to relationships. For the record I am not a religious person at all I do not go to church or anything of the sort but I do believe in a moral life and social accountibility. And if "especially when he himself has slept around" applies to me I have every right because I have never slept around. But just because people make poor decisions in life does not mean they are bad people.
My partner and I both have pasts. We both know the other is fairly experienced. We've left it at that. Neither of us has the desire to know more.
We also both agreed that the past is the past, and that who we are now and how we treat each other is the important thing in our relationship.
What's the point in worry about who someone may have been in the past. People grow up and change, the important thing is that we're both in the same place now, and expect the same things from each other.
I agree with his right to be not thrilled with your number (despite his -- yes it is a double standard but there are TONS of double standards that apply between the sexes because the sexes are different), but I think his remedy is to decide not to date you.
This is just the thrashings of a young, insecure guy. If he had more going on upstairs, he would just accept that he doesn't like the number (smack himself in the head if he was the one who asked...) and move on to a different girl.
He is basically exhibiting signs of high maintenece emotionally and is essentially functioning on this topic with all the manliness of a 16 year old girl. he is trying to punish you simultaneously with getting reassurances from you.
It will only spiral down. You should dump him, for his own good, but more importantly, yours.
Rickymoemoe, if you'd like your posts taken seriously, then you need to stop using name calling, and abusive language.
The second you called her a whore, I discounted everything else you said in your post. Your life is different, your choices are different. If you want to contribute, then play fair. But name calling is childish, and immature.
A mature adult realizes everyone looks at a situation differently, and gives suggestions. They don't attack someone for it, like you have done.
For instance, if I said that I think you need to go ask your mommy to change your diaper, that would be an attack. If I rephrase it to say, I believe that you are not looking at this from a broader perspective, and perhaps haven't had the life experiences this woman has had, then that would be an opinion.
Point taken Walk I understand the use of the word Whore may of been offensive, it was just however meant to illistrate a point. I mean Whore in the sense of a person who is been frequently sexually active.
whore Pronunciation (hôr, hr) n. A person considered sexually promiscuous.
Instead of using the long phrase A person considered sexually promiscuous, i choose whore which has the same meaning, still I stick by my points on trust.
Point taken Walk I understand the use of the word Whore may of been offensive, it was just however meant to illistrate a point. I mean Whore in the sense of a person who is been frequently sexually active.
whore Pronunciation (hôr, hr) n. A person considered sexually promiscuous.
Instead of using the long phrase A person considered sexually promiscuous, i choose whore which has the same meaning, still I stick by my points on trust.
This has to be the most ridiculous thing i've ever read.
I would agree to not have sex with him, but I'd ask him if I can have sex with other men. Oh! Second thought! Why ask him? You're a whore so you can sleep around without his permission.
Indeed, in his eyes, you're guilty for having men in the past. You should either erase those men and become clean or accept the whore status for the rest of your life.
I think it'd be less painful to remain a whore and keep enjoying your lfie without being judged by this hypocrite who will very likely cheat on his wife some day. Oh, it won't be cheating if she is a whore!!!
Run! Run fast, lady!
Last edited by RecordProducer; 16th December 2005 at 8:16 PM.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
