[Torrent01]

Hey guys, so I'm stuck here. Every time I find myself in a situation where I want to approach a girl I quickly make up a routine in my mind and go for it, however, every time I'm through, I never feel like I made an amazing first impression or something that would hint her on that I'm interested in her without making her feel in control of the situation(my understanding is that you can't let a girl feel that way, if you do you've already lost).

Tell me what you think of this generic approach:
Me: I approach her with a casual smile and say "hi"
I wait for her to respond with "hi", then I say "My name's Derik, what's yours?(here's where my first problem comes in, should I say "my name's Derik, what's yours?" or "I'm Derik, what's your name?")
After she tells me her name I'm pretty lost as to what I should do- how can you initiate a conversation after you meet someone and finish introductions? The only way I know to get around this is to throw something out like "were you at Jason's party this weekend? I think I saw you there" or "you look familiar, have we met before?"
The problem with the above two conversation starters is that they will encourage a negative response as I know that I have never met her before and I know taht I never saw her at Jason's party that weekend. Furthermore, I would be lying and lying's never a good way to start a relationship.

Please offer help with how to overcome this obstacle, thanks in advance!

[whichwayisup]

Practice this infront of a mirror, make direct eye contact with yourself. The more you do this the more confident you will feel!

Start off with a smile. Introduce yourself and ask her about her interests, school, work, where she grew up etc...Just go with the flow. Be funny, think of some good funny movies you've seen recently and ask if she's seen them.

How old are you? Would help me more if I knew your age.

[Devildog]

Originally Posted by Torrent01

Tell me what you think of this generic approach: blah blah blah

I think your generic approach is just that, generic. It sounds like you are trying to approach total strangers. And you are looking for some way to make an impression. So "Hi, I'm Derik, who are you?" doesn't make much of an impression. Pick up lines can be lame, especially when you use tired lines like "Are you tired, cause you been running through my mind all night". Humor is good, and so is originality and sincerity. If you can be complimentary without seeming vulgar it is a plus. One I have had some luck with is asking " How do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"The whole choir of angels singing when you walk into the room".

But it isn't all about the line, it's also how you carry yourself and act. You can't say something like that with a sincere face, then you look desperate and pathetic. If it is said in a humorous way, she knows it is a line, but it is atleast an original line, and she sees you have a sense of humor. Then offer to buy her a drink, and ask her what she does when she isn't conducting choirs of angels.

The biggest asset you can have is being knowledgeable about a wide array of topics. Because you need to be able to carry on a conversation. If she has a job that you are completely clueless about you are already losing ground. But if you can atleast connect it to something you are familiar with you have room to manuever.

[Torrent01]

Just for your reference- I'm 17 but she's 16.
One thing- wouldn't it just seem obvious that I was trying to hook up with her if I approach her and introduce myself? I'm trying to see things from her perspective and I don't see why any girl would think I would approach her for any other other reason other than trying to get with them- can I get some feedback as how to go about this in a manner that works?

[archbean]

how about you go for friendship first? try to figure out a few things you have in common, like classes or activities, and just go from there. you'll be all set when the conversation isn't just you asking questions and her answering, it'll go both ways. good luck!

[slubberdegullion]

Originally Posted by archbean

how about you go for friendship first?

Nonononononono... that's a surefire way to get stuck in the morass of the "friend zone," never to escape.

Torrent, here's a quick tip that's been working for me for years.

Most people are way more concerned with themselves than they are with anything else, so don't worry too much about coming across as nervous. Your intended target is more interested in how she's feeling, not how you are.

So use that to your advantage. There'll be something about her - a piece of clothing, a necklace, a ring, bracelet, something - that will be unique. You can use that as a way to break the ice.

"Say, that's an interesting necklace. Did you get that in Tahiti?"

"No, my folks picked it up for me when they went to Florida."

"Have you been to Florida?"

"Yes, a few years ago when we went as a family."

"Where did you go? What was your favourite part of the trip?"

etc etc... I think you get the drift.

Good luck.