[AltplanB]

How do you deal with all of a sudden being referred to as an ex boyfriend? How do you deal with knowing the one you love is sleeping with someone else? All day, ill randomly get hit with a ton of bricks and almost puke. I try so hard not to think about her but then i care for her so much and yet she is happy without me. Its so hard letting go. I know it takes time, but the only things that make it go faster (other women, friends, and hobbies), are not helping. I get all flustered and just can't sleep with other women. I just can't go through with it. My friends are tired of hearing me talk about her, tired of hearing me try to get her back, and theyve all stop returning my calls. My hobbies keep me busy throughout the day but when i get home i cry myself to sleep and wake up 2 hours later in a panic sweat. What makes it so worse is that she is not going through any of this, and although i did nothing wrong, and she thought i was wonderful; because we didn't mesh, its over.

So many emotions. I want to beat up the other guy but i realize that he did nothing wrong and he is treating her right. Im just the loser here. I got the short end of the stick. I know this and accept it but i can't get over her not loving me and falling for someone else. She knows im in pain and she is not willing to give me a second chance. So i sit and wallow, trying not dream about her and all the good times we had.

[chocolate_boy]

There is no way of dealing with it dude...

You just have to accept there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, you just have to ride it out.

But it always gets better. Look after yourself, don't rush to meet other women. Take it easy for a while, buy some DVDs you like, some new clothes, sleep late on weekends, have a sunday where you stay in bed and watch loads of movies back to back, just relax for a while I'm saying or you burn yourself out, these emotions take a LOT out of you, I was exhausted just thinking about it for 2 months.

[SMHappyface]

I agree w/Chocoboy. Now is the time for pampering yourself. It drives you insane - it did me. Imagining the man I loved F***ing another woman. ARPGH! And she wasn't even hot and she stole him from me! I DID puke, I did cry and seriously thought about driving my car off the side of a cliff. But the fact is NOBODY is worth you losing yourself. You are a good person with our without her. It's over. I believe in fate - if something good disapears, most likely something even better will take it's place. Don't force yourself to have sex - I know it creeps me out to even imagine myself with other guys and it's been over 2 months for me. No rush, you got your whole life ahead of you, relax, otherwise as Choco said, you'll burn out!

[rastafari]

do a lot of drugs and get trashed with your friends. dont really, i did that for a while and it didnt work out that well. (sorry, i have a weird sense of humor.) anyways, like others said, you have to "pamper" yourself. go out with your friends, eat, go excercise, etc. and remember to eat a lot because its always great. i would say hang out with a lot of other people and do things to get your mind off her while with them.perhaps new things you have never done before. go get new hobbies, put all the time you did into her into a new hobbie. if your alone all the time you might get board and think about her and may feel loanly. and like everyone else has told you, im sure, DONT CONTACT HER. No more begging, we have all done it. the best thing to do is stop now if you really want her back. I know for a fact man. my ex dumped me last year for mostly common 20yo issues+other crap, haha, and i begged at first. then i quit. didnt talk to her for 5 months. we started to pass eachother on the street. i still would not say a thing. she saw that i was over her, or at least i acted that way. the girl couldnt stand it any longer and one day grabbed me. now we are working on things. so if you really want her back quit being a wussbag and show her that you can live life without her. no woman wants a child that they have to take care of. good luck man

[chocolate_boy]

Yeah everyone handles it differently, but looking after yourself is the way to go.

Personally I hit the party scene straight after our split, did loads of cocaine and alcohol etc. but it made me feel 100x worse... also talking to other girls depressed me, and I hated being out with the boys when they were all joking and laughing and I just felt like being on my own crying

So I took about 6 weeks off all that, just relaxed... eat healthy food... had LOTS of sleep... I pretty much went to work, came home, relaxed with food and comedy TV, and slept, had friends round for evenings in, but I took a couple of months off alcohol and partying.

I found it helped living a bit of a "dull" life for a bit... I didn't go out, just relaxed constantly, spent hours talking to my friends on the phone (had a $400 phone bill in October!!) , visited my family, the only thing I tried hard at was my job, rest of the time I took it very easy. On Saturdays I went to city centre on my own, spent afternoons in a book shop with a coffee and read, put my ipod on and went for long walks on Sunday afternoons... took weekends off to go and stay with old friends in other cities..

I have started going out etc. now, but it can be nice just to take small steps and not rush into anything that feels uncomfortable.

All my buddies were like "come on lets get some coke, go out and f*ck some women!" the night my ex and I broke up! It's a guy thing to say, but not sensible.

[chocolate_boy]

Good quote I heard:

One of the benefits of being shattered into a thousand pieces, is that when you pick yourself up-and you do-is that you can choose the pieces you pick up and shape the person you want to be and the ones you throw away.

[CaliGuy]

Originally Posted by AltplanB

How do you deal with all of a sudden being referred to as an ex boyfriend? How do you deal with knowing the one you love is sleeping with someone else?

What is working for me is remembering how indifferent and cold she was to me. And I thought "How on EARTH could I care so much for someone who cared so little for me??" That helped a lot. Just imagine in your mind how utterly rude and selfish she was. When I think of my ex sleeping with someone else, I remember this: "She slept with men before me too." You can't stop it, you just have to learn not to care. It happens in time.

All day, ill randomly get hit with a ton of bricks and almost puke. I try so hard not to think about her but then i care for her so much and yet she is happy without me. Its so hard letting go. I know it takes time, but the only things that make it go faster (other women, friends, and hobbies), are not helping. I get all flustered and just can't sleep with other women. I just can't go through with it. My friends are tired of hearing me talk about her, tired of hearing me try to get her back, and theyve all stop returning my calls.

Well that is a hint your are obsessed with her. Try the above suggestions but you need to go full NC with her now. Get out of the house and excercise, that helps a lot. Exercise is good for helping you feel better, that's scientifically proven.

My hobbies keep me busy throughout the day but when i get home i cry myself to sleep and wake up 2 hours later in a panic sweat. What makes it so worse is that she is not going through any of this,

If she doesn't care, then you shouldn't care. It's as simple as that.

and although i did nothing wrong, and she thought i was wonderful; because we didn't mesh, its over.

You put her on a pedestel. It freaks women out and alerts them that you are insecure with yourself. Focus on healing yourself, rebuilding your self-esteem and confidence. In due time, it will get better.

So many emotions. I want to beat up the other guy but i realize that he did nothing wrong and he is treating her right. Im just the loser here. I got the short end of the stick. I know this and accept it but i can't get over her not loving me and falling for someone else. She knows im in pain and she is not willing to give me a second chance. So i sit and wallow, trying not dream about her and all the good times we had.

Take solace in the fact that though she isn't right for you and her, there will be someone else.

There always is..........

[AltplanB]

Thanks for all the support. I met a girl that likes me and i think i might pursue it. Maybe if it goes somewhere, ill tell her what happened. I dunno, seems to me that shes kinda going through the same thing.

lol ok heres a question. Can people rebound with other rebounders? is that safer????

[Art_Critic]

Originally Posted by AltplanB

lol ok heres a question. Can people rebound with other rebounders? is that safer????

Don't worry about rebounding..

With the crap you have put yourself thru just go out and have fun with the girl that likes you..

Forget about the ex..

[AltplanB]

I like your attitude. BTW, sorry for not listening to you guys, you were all right. **** that slut! She goes out and starts sleeping with someone a week after me!? she can go to hell for lying to me. I can't wait to hear how she gets her come-upance. I bet this new guy won't be able to handle her problems once shes not able to cover them up anymore. I.E. Bulimia, not eating when they go out, depression from her dads death, job depression, random crying fits....etc. I put up with it cause i loved her. He might but really, its his problem now, not mine.

[impuls3]

im gonna offer abit of different advice if u care to hear it...or maybe if u dont, its up to you il start with the biggest chunk

What is working for me is remembering how indifferent and cold she was to me. And I thought "How on EARTH could I care so much for someone who cared so little for me??"

i wouldnt go about thinking the person u love is a total @$$hole, whether or not she may be, i tried to use this mechanism last time i went thru this (2 months ago) and i really just made a hippocryte of myself...becaus ei was telling myself how much i hated her and wat a wh0re she was and whatnot, but really, in the back of your mind, u know u still love her, and dont tell me u dont, cuz i know u do.

secondly, really, u can think or do what u want, but the only thing thats gonna cure it is time, and alot of it... my brake up was 2 months ago...on my birthday...yup thats right. But, the trick is to just keep yourself busy and remember to ALWAYS ALWAYS have respect for yourself... wake up every morning, think something positive, i know its hard, but do it. then brush your teeth, take a shower, do your hair, shave, etc... make sure u remember that its YOU that comes first...

lastly, remember, it WILL pass, theres certain people *looks away from himself* that did very stupid things to deal with very harsh pain...like abuse drugs, alchahol, cut themselves, etc... but just remmeber take it one day at a time, make some damn goals for yourself, and move on, that doesnt mean go out with new girls every day, but hang out with ur friends, go do stuff that make YOU happy... and once again take care of yourself...good luck, you have a long road ahead

[Brittanyjean06]

Yes. Do not become bitter towards your ex- thats not who you want to be--some "tragedys are blessings in disguise--- you dont see it but you say she cared for you little---well nature is taking its corse and wants you out of her life for you to be with someone who will love you as much as you love them---its a lesson ---for people who know in the back of their head that they are too nice to the person who treats them like crap....sooner or later it will hit you and its ment to hit you because you are not supposed to be in this persons life-

thats how i believe things work-and if not ...there will always be something better for you-- its normal what your going through first cuple of weeks will be like that---everyone has/is/was going through this....listen to all the lyrics from performers who write their own lyrics)----and you'll see..and you will be glad to know that every one YES every one experiences this



Good luck-dont eat to much like my self i gained some weight!

[meltwithme]

Well I'm trying to take possitives and you should too.
I'm going out much more now, which I never really did before and I'm really starting to like it. Plus I seem to be having more sucess lately because quite simply I go out to get out now, and I 100% honestly don't give a damn if I hook up with some broad... I think for some strange reason they like that attitude

Thing is theese strangers are treating me better than my ex ever did, they don't even know me yet they seem to care about me more and are actually fun to be around instead of always hearing nagging about what's wrong with whatever.

I'm also in the best shape I can remember and it really helps working out, if you are stuck in the house yell super duper loud, it feels good.

I'll testify to fate - Even though some things you can control, dreams aren't one of thoose. I had a dream before my ex left that she was unfaithfull and that started to put in motion the end of our relationship. Lets just say if my breakup didn't go down I would have never met a girl that I'm really interested in and would have probably been cooped up in my room without working out, instead I'm hitting a club with a good buddy of mine tonight and probably a movie as well. Things aren't as bad as they seem, just remember you were living a perfectly happy life before you had the bitch, you can do it!

[LoveApple]

That sounds like a really bad situation hun You must have loved her alot if all those other distractors aren't working Personally I'd always give someone a second chance.. unless they were a psycho or something..

If you're trying to get her back, why not start seeing someone else casually? Make sure they don't mistakenly believe it's serious however! The theory "we all want what we can't have" is completely true. I know this works a treat for me.. when I see an ex partner with their new one

Good luck!!!

[CaliGuy]

Originally Posted by impuls3

i wouldnt go about thinking the person u love is a total @$$hole, whether or not she may be, i tried to use this mechanism last time i went thru this (2 months ago) and i really just made a hippocryte of myself...becaus ei was telling myself how much i hated her and wat a wh0re she was and whatnot, but really, in the back of your mind, u know u still love her, and dont tell me u dont, cuz i know u do.

I think you misunderstood my advice.

I never said that he should hate her and by no means did I insinuate that. The point I was trying to make is you remember how 'indifferent and cold' your Ex treated you, then you can start to see them in the proper light, take them off the pedestel and begin to understand they just aren't right for you.

By focusing in on how they didn't love you, you can feel your love for them start to wain as well. That comes from the realization that your Ex just didn't care for you.

Imagining my Ex sleeping with someone else doesn't even bother me anymore. Why should it? She wasn't a virgin when I met her.

Hating her won't do any good. You just have to learn to let go and stop worrying about things you can not control.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

I believe that is the best way to put what I am trying to say into words.

Cheers.