[Hungryhorse]

Is any good way of ending a relationship? I probably haven’t handled this very well and I am not a horrible person. I had been seeing a work colleague of my friend’s boyfriend. Saw him for approximately once a week or less for approx 4 months. He was seven years older than me and felt he was very set in his ways, he was kind but wasn’t very chatty, his responses to conversation were really dead beat and boring and when I was talking he kept making me feel as if I was a horrible person i.e. if I was grumbling about a bad day at work, etc. I am 38 and he is 45. He wasn’t happy with me going when I booked a break away for 2 days with a friend the last time I saw him which I felt was the final straw. I am also so busy I didn’t have a lot of time spare to see him. Plus he was texting and emailing so much for a date etc I thought I had better end things because it wasn’t fair on him so I cancelled our Sunday night meeting by text saying I couldn’t make it due to family commitments then switched off my mobile because I didn’t have time to think about it plus I was dreading seeing him again in case he had a go at me about me not seeing him for a fortnight. Meanwhile he texts he will call me at 8, then 9.30, then texts “did I switch off my phone deliberately? I thought he would have got the hint. So this Sunday due to my email being down due to a phone fault I wrote him a letter. I kept the letter non personal saying I thought he was a really lovely and genuine person but I realised I wasn’t giving him the time and commitment he was looking for and it wasn’t fair on him and thanked him for the time we had spent together saying it had made me feel special but my best friend said her partner wasn’t happy about it which upset me a bit. Don’t feel any split up is good and suppose I did keep him hanging for 2 weeks but needed to put a break in the system I couldn’t have done it a day after seeing him and he lives a 20 minute drive away from me and I don’t have a car so didn’t think it was fair for him to drive back after telling him I wanted to part company he could have an accident if he was upset. I just feel really terrible about the whole thing with this guy and wonder if anyone had found a better way of doing it.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally Posted by Hungryhorse

switched off my mobile because I didn’t have time to think about it plus I was dreading seeing him again in case he had a go at me about me not seeing him for a fortnight...

I thought he would have got the hint.

And you ask if there's a better way of breaking up?

Hmmm let me see. You could have had the courage to face him. And the honesty to tell him what was going on, instead of the passive aggressive avoidance strategy you have going on there.

And you might have spared a thought about him, his evening and his feelings, rather than selfishly and ruthlessly protecting your own feelings at the expense of all others.

Kudos to you for reviewing your strategy for the future - I think this is great and reflects well on you. But this time honey, I have to say that you behaved like an utter bitch.