Hello all-
I am in a wonderful relationship now, and feel a bit guilty about not being upfront to my sig O about my sexual past. After only one week of dating, my sig O pressured me to answer how many people I had slept with. I tried dodging the question initially, but my sig O kept pushing. I lied about the number because I felt as if it was 1.) personal information, and 2.) too early to discuss this. I have never, and would never cheat on my sig O, and I love my sig O immensely. I do, however, feel a bit confused as to what I should do. Part of me feels as though I have a right to my personal privacy, yet part of me wants my sig O to know all about me. I feel as though it may be too late to confess the truth, and that my sig O may not trust me ever again. I spoke to one of my friends about this, and he told me that this is very trivial, and that my sexual past IS my past and my personal info that I shouldn't feel pressured to share with people if I don't want to. Should I just consider it one small white lie and move on? Any advice??

[NYCmitch25]

Originally Posted by sk8brdr

Hello all-
I am in a wonderful relationship now, and feel a bit guilty about not being upfront to my sig O about my sexual past. After only one week of dating, my sig O pressured me to answer how many people I had slept with. I tried dodging the question initially, but my sig O kept pushing. I lied about the number because I felt as if it was 1.) personal information, and 2.) too early to discuss this. I have never, and would never cheat on my sig O, and I love my sig O immensely. I do, however, feel a bit confused as to what I should do. Part of me feels as though I have a right to my personal privacy, yet part of me wants my sig O to know all about me. I feel as though it may be too late to confess the truth, and that my sig O may not trust me ever again. I spoke to one of my friends about this, and he told me that this is very trivial, and that my sexual past IS my past and my personal info that I shouldn't feel pressured to share with people if I don't want to. Should I just consider it one small white lie and move on? Any advice??

I disagree with you completely and this is why, it's important for his health (and yours) to be aware of the sexual history. Remember that show called "Love Lines" on MTV? Dr Drew handled this question the same way as I stated and I feel that you should tell him before you have intercourse. Bascially you feel that you can have your cake and eat it too, but I think you should deal with consequenses instead of passing it along to him. Whats the number? Is it ridiculus? (I guess I'm pressuring you know). However, I think that if he was pressuring you about it, he probably know's it's higher than he would like it to be anyway. What do you think?

[prdeeva]

If you feel as though he is pressuring you to answer this question, then tell him to stop pressuring you. I do however agree with NYCmitch. He has every right to know if you have been with several people. If you are truly serious about this man, then you should be completely honest with him. Sex is not a game. Therefore you should not lie to him. However, have you asked him the same question... Remeber the rule of 3...... if a man tells you he has been with 40 women, divide it by 3 that is most likely the true number... If a woman tells you she has been with 3, mulitply by 3... that's probably the true number... Either way, be safe....

[lilmoma1973]

Originally Posted by NYCmitch25

I disagree with you completely and this is why, it's important for his health (and yours) to be aware of the sexual history. Remember that show called "Love Lines" on MTV? Dr Drew handled this question the same way as I stated and I feel that you should tell him before you have intercourse. Bascially you feel that you can have your cake and eat it too, but I think you should deal with consequenses instead of passing it along to him. Whats the number? Is it ridiculus? (I guess I'm pressuring you know). However, I think that if he was pressuring you about it, he probably know's it's higher than he would like it to be anyway. What do you think?

Totally agree when you are in a relationship and you are going to be sexual with this person i feel it is your right and their right to know who you two have been with!! This is something i want to know because i have only been with 2 people in my life and the second one is my h .. My h told me his indescretions and it didn't bother me atleast i know i will be his last and that is all that matters !! He has only been with 6 and that is still four more than me and it is for my health benefit!! So no it isn't wrong to want to know and you should tell !!!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

This is fairly easy. Instead of casting yourself in the defensive position on this topic, go on offense!!

Tell your new s.o. that you suggest that you each go to the local clinic to get a battery of STD tests. Heck, go to the free clinic in town together or if you're both insured, and it doesn't seem awkward, then make separate appointments at places which will print the results.

Then, after you've compared clean slates STD-wise, then know in your mind that you owe your s.o. nothing beyond that in terms of information. Then make that clear to him.

At present, the vibes you give off are weighing you down and making the other one more and more curious.

Hey everyone-
Thanks for your advice. I actually told my Sig O the other night, we had a long talk, and it went GREAT! It's such a relief. I pondered holding back, but decided to 'face the music'. It went much better than I thought.....I'm guilt free!
Thanks and good luck!