my ex has a new bf. i didnt go looking to find out, some1 i handt talk to in a while her new bf's ex gf. just said it randomly. blah. it felt like i got stabbed repeatidly in the stomach. for the most part im past the missing part but now its just like holyy SH*T. its really really done. and the wierd part is i talked to her 4 days ago.
she seemed a little off. but i figured it was becasue it had been so long of NC. but wow im in a world of pain right now. i really just dont know what to say, i knew talking to her would put my hand on the fire i didnt think id be this bad. but from now on im just seriosly blocking her on AIM and myspace no possible comnication. how do i stop these visions in my head of her having sex with him.
i am dating i hook up with a lot of girls, my phone book is flourished, but shes still always in the back of my mind evan with almsot 2 months of NC, and strict NC at that. never looked at her profile or her mysapce, never asked about her, told people dont bring her up. i was doing NC, evan if i hadnt talked to her id still be this way
Man, the same thing just happened to me about 3 weeks ago. I dated this girl for 3 years, broke up about 6 months ago and barely saw/spoke to her, and then 3 weeks ago found out that she's been seeing my roommate's boss for the last couple of months. In my mind they've been having great sex ever since. You already sound like your handling it better than me; I replaced all my food with cigarettes and drank every night, watched my grades go to ****. I couldn't get the visions out of my head either, hence the drinking. But it's only been 3 weeks, and it doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to. At least you're dating; I'm a single-ass bastard, so while she's busy riding this guy's pole I'm stuck in internet-porn hell.
Advice? Destructive advice is to drink lots, and try to squeeze as much out of the fact that a man with nothing to lose is a man without fear. Constructive advice is to hit the gym alot. Make yourself go out and do stuff even though it's not gonna be much fun, you'll thank yourself later. It helped speed things up for me to talk to her one last time, and say what i needed to say, get some closure, etc. Problem with NC is that sometimes you end up sweeping things under the carpet instead of dealing with them. This might not be the case for you, but although it was incredibly painful to see her again, I got what i needed out of it. Talk to your friends, people on here, etc, about it as much as you can, because right now you need a perspective outside of what you're dealing with. And you will stop imagining them having sex eventually, but before that you'll get desensetized to it and it won't hurt as much. There's no easy way out of this, you just have to turn around and walk away, and things will slowly (Sloooooooooowly) get better. Good luck, if you find an easy answer let me know.
you knowi know this isnt an easy road to take, i know what i have to do to get better but its so hard. i do date other woman, i am doing things for me. my grades have gone to **** but in all honesty least of my worries. its just hard to see her happy and know that as much as i am hanging with other girls im not happy. I put up a mask to the world on the outside i look so happy usually smilling evan, but at the end of the day shes still the one i think about. i alreayd know shes the "one that got away"
i talked to a good friend of mine last weekend about how i feel, and he said bro if ur being really honest with urself and u trully love her atleast tell her how u feel, dont keep ur feelings bottled away forever cuz u dont know what could be if u never talk to her. thats wy i initiated contact on thursday i wasnt gonan drop serious talk right away, gonan wait a lil while. But at this point theres no point. I gues everything is ment to happen for a reason. the worst part of this i gues is that the kid shes dating or going out with or together with, him and i usto be part of the most powerfull hockey offense line in the state, and where really close, and he moved away and came back, and baggs my girl. i mean no shes not mine but u know what i mean.
I gues now i know for sure, it really is over, theres no more what if i talk to her, theres no more maybe she misses me now and then, what if we bump into eachother, thatsall over. Its amazing how powerfull woman are...i think at this point i just need to find myselfa new gf to fill her place...thats really what i feel is lacking
Location: From Marin County, CA. Go to Sonoma State in Rohnert Park, CA.
Posts: 268
yea im right there with you
I am going through the exact same thing as you guys. ****ing A its hard. But if you have really strong feelings for her, and she hasn't moved on to a new bf yet, and shes telling you the specific problems of the relationship, should you try to work things out? Should you do everything possible to get them back or NC? I am trying to fix the problems for myself and her, but she hasn't responded whether it would make things possible. I realize that she is going to date and even have sex..(god everytime it comes to mind, i put a whole in the wall(im a boxer)) Its so hard but i now know that my feelings for her are stronger than that. This doesn't mean that i am not gonna date or get it on, hell i already have a bunch a times, but i just dont think i could ever feel this way about anyone else, or want to. SHe was my first love and they say that is the hardest one to get over because it is a blind path. I don't want to give up on her or the thought that we could rekindle in the future. Course of action?
I'm on that same crazy boat and it is one hellacious ride. My ex dumped me in August and just last month I found out that he is seeing someone else. It just kills me because now I know the door is finally closed. And, it hurts like hell. I try to keep busy, go out with my friends, etc. I try to remain positive and put on a happy face, but the reality is I'm so sad and feel so alone. Each day I wake up, I think of him and the beautiful love we had that just got flushed down the toilet. He wanted to marry me, have children and now it all comes to this. Why in the hell did this have to happen? I just don't understand. I want answers. I feel like I don't have any closure because he never really explained to me what happened.
I'm sticking with NC to heal and move on. But, lately, I've been very close to contacting him. I miss him and love him so much. I often question the NC route, because I don't want to let this go. It is so damn hard. However, I just keep telling myself he is the one who dumped me. If he wants me back he will have to contact me. Otherwise, I have to move on whether I like it or not.
CantDecide - She's not as happy as you think she is, believe me. It's easy to talk yourself into thinking that they're handling their **** just fine, that because they got a new man that everything's cool, but thats just not the way it works. If it was, you'd be happy with your new girl(s). I've heard from a lot of people that the only way you really get over this is to find somebody new, so I think you're right about that. I live in NYC, so it's actually easier to find someone to sleep with than find someone to have a relationship with, although both are surprisingly hard with 8 million people on an island. I turned down some easy ass a few times because I "wasn't ready", and it turns out that at the same time my ex hooked up with the first midget alchoholic that rolled in front of her. So don't I feel like a jackass.
AltplanB - I used to box; if you don't live in an apt. get a heavy bag and you can pour all this **** into that. If you really want her back, then you should probably try for it, even if it's doomed. I did, just because I didn't want to look back in a year or two and wonder what would've happened if I didn't try. I actually realized, while trying to get her back, that I didn't really want her back (she's kind of a controlling bitch, though she's ****ing hot), I just wanted to go back to the last time I was happy, and that was when I was with her. Though it still messes with me, things got better when i realized that. It's your call, but you lose the option to try to start things up again when she does move on. And by the way, get ready for that, because as much as things suck now, they'll get way worse when you have a name and face that she's dating; when she's actually sleeping with someone new and not just in your head. You sound similar to me, in that you'll have to resist the urge to go wreck the new guy when you find out about him, I have to avoid the new guy for a while now because I'm worried about what I'll do if I see him, knowing he's balls-deep in my ex.
I think every guy who ever got dumped goes through this
And every girl. It's a gut wrenching thought picturing someone you've loved and been with having sex with another. The mind can wreck you with those images. But let's realize we are feeling that way because we are comparing ourselves with some imaginary image. Of course if you've actually seen the other in person yeah you have a face to go with the ugly image...still, I think it hurt me most because I was comparing myself and thoughts of "I was not good enough" were underneathe it all. All very self damaging to my ego thoughts. I'm still hot as I am sur you are too so let those destructive ideas go. You are the winner in this picture because if someone doesn't appreciate us WHY CONTINUE TO WORSHIP THEM OR CARE ABOUT WHO THEY ARE WITH? No one is as special as you are. And they are too dumb to realize that.
I tried to get back with my ex but she strung me along then as soon as she found someone new she dropped me like a sack of spuds. that was two weeks ago and it hurt like hell, thinking of them together rips me up inside and I dont know what to do.
However in the last few days things have gotten easier for me because I began to look a things from a different perspective.. is she actually really happy? well in my view she is going through the honeymoon period of a new relationship, give it a few months and all the old issues she has will slowly leak out again because she associates all her issues with otherpeople rather than looking at herself.
Remember guy if a relationship fails always look at yourself objectively and try to focus on the cold hard truth, itll help you get over it.
For instance I am the nicest guy imaginable, I would do anything for anyone and am quick to forgive and forget in most situations, when I go out with people I treat them like gold, I buy them drinks, take them to restaurants buy them great gifts on birthdays and christmas and support them in anything they want to do.
My flaws are that sometimes I am not as romantic as I could be, I should buy more flowers and small gifts etc and spend a little more time away from work or playing games to be with my partner, a little less of the beer at weekends also would be better (im not an alcoholic but I do like a few beers at the weekend).
When I have down moments I look at who I am and realise that I am a nice guy and I deserve to be with someone who is decent. then I feel better and it comes across to those around me.
always look at your up points and your flaws equally. my Ex doesnt and she will fall into the same problems, again and again and again unless she is lucky....
whos the better person? and do use NC it helps alot.
thank you everybody for all the replies there helping a lot, and FYE i do havea face with her new man. u know and im not evan sure if there actually Bf-Gf or just together. all i know is the guy my ex is dating, his ex gf told me by axcident last night nd said hey did u hear about ***** and ***, how there dating.
im just so confused people are telling me if i tryulkly love her tell her how i feel? evan if that means getting just compeltly hurt cuz ulle always wonder what could have been. I want to tell her i relize there will be pain, but what if. i dont think there official yet. what would u guys do if u already feel shes the one that got away, leave her alone, or tell her how i feel the doorway for comunication is open, what would u do.
Location: From Marin County, CA. Go to Sonoma State in Rohnert Park, CA.
Posts: 268
yea crap
yea i should really get that heavy bag because i keep putting holes in the walls and covering them with posters. I told her that i was going to make changes for the better and that all i wanted from her was the openness to watch me change and give thought to a possible future someday. She turned me down. On top of that, she did it coldly. Everytime i talked to her, i asked for less from her and each time she turned me down. The reason this is so hard for me is that i didn't do anything wrong, she just felt that we didn't mesh. Now shes dating others and i am in the dust. Ive got dates lined up and **** but all i want is her back. IVe slept around and all i want is her back. All my tactics of happiness, over powering feelings, and caring...have all failed. SHe loved me, dropped me, then never looked back. Makes me feel like she was lying to me all along. Personally, i would rather believe that she was lying to me then she actually fell out of love with me. I think if love is true, ther is nothing that can break it. That is why i feel she lied. You can't tell someone that if your not absolutely, positively 100% sure because if dump them, you didn't have ability to have your love conquer all. A dismal appeal but it makes me feel better.
so the ex got a hold of me...she doesnt have a bf???? there not together, suposedly the other girl lied to me and a lot of other people. what the hell? so yea thought id share that, i asked her to cofee, next week, yup next week ill be at day 1 all over again, i know i know. i gota tell her how i feel. the kid she hooked up with in front of me like really wants us to talk and was like the way u guys talk about eachother, i dunno im crazy but im doing it, any adive for me? bring tissues for afterwards??? lol..
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