[confusedgrl]

I'm 25 years old, no kids. I've been married to my husband for almost 3 years. We got married after just 3 months of dating and now I'm scared it's never gonna work. We are so different. He NEVER shows me any kind of affection. He never tells me I'm pretty. He NEVER wants to talk to me. He just comes home from work and stares at the TV. Lately I've been going up to my ex fiance's bar and hanging out with him and some old friends. The problem is, everytime I go up there HE gives me the attention I need by telling me how good I look and just focusing on me. The past few times we got drunk together, we ended up making out (when no one was around.) I told my husband about this and he said he can forgive me and we just have to try to work things out. I told him I felt like our marriage is over because we are so different but he said he will change if I do. He always says that. He told me, which is understandable, that I have to stop talking to my ex. I dont know if I can. I know I dont want a relationship with him, but I love the attention he gives me. And the kissing. I dont know what to do. Should my husband and I seperate? I feel like I'm not gonna be able to stop what's going on with my ex. Please help. (By the way, we've decided to go to counseling.)

[Neptune]

Well then you are doing the right thing. Just go to counceling and tell it like you told it here. Seems like your husband is at least a somewhat tolerant person.

[CoolAunt]

I feel like I'm not gonna be able to stop what's going on with my ex.

What? Are you no longer a free agent, able to control your actions and behaviors? You stop what's going on by not going to the bar and getting drunk with your ex-bf. If you want to continue with your ex-bf, then blow off the marriage counseling with your husband because you can't seriously work through your issues in your marriage while fooling around with your ex-bf. Choose whatever is going to be best for you and your happiness but don't pretend that you can't help the situation.

[bigbrowneyes]

ConfusedGirl,

Yes, you are very confused. Do you think that you can strengthen your current relationship by allowing a third party into your life? Instead of turning away from your partner you need to turn toward him. Your relationship obviously suffers from communication issues that are preventing the two of you from understanding your needs. It appears that you need his companionship for comfort and he finds comfort in his solitude. You obviously had interest that brought you together to begin with and you need to rediscover that. Counseling is a great way to begin the process of understanding each others needs. Approaching counseling with an attitude that you want to learn about how you can adapt to being a better partner to your spouse as apposed to how can I fix him is usually a more successful method. Stop putting yourself in tempting situations that momentarily meet your needs. Cut the relationship off with your xBF…remember, he’s your X for a reason. It will only destroy what little hope you have left to salvage your current relationship. Best of luck!

[scaredinlove]

Dear confused,

Why did you break up with your ex? I soppouse you were not happy either right?Why you thing that will help you this time?think about it....

[Kenyth]

You are at the brink. The point of no return for this affair.

Do you express your needs to your husband? Does he simply turn you down? You can't hope for anything unless you express your feelings and ask for what you need.

If he just stares at the TV every night, has a low libido, and doesn't seem overly upset about you making out with another man, perhaps you should check him for signs of depression. That doesn't sound normal or healthy. He sounds depressed.