Whats going through my ex's head? Is she just confused?
I’m sorry this post is so long but maybe some of you know what could be going through my ex’s head. It’s a little long but here the details of what I know…there could have been more but in the time we were together this is all I ever knew. I know I go into detail but it’s only because maybe you can explain to me what’s going through her head.
My gf dated a guy before she met her husband(I’ll explain later). After dating him for 7yrs and having 2 kids, she married that guy but the marriage lasted 4yrs. After they broke up she moved back to her small town and from what I heard in a 5 month time had about 10 or so flings. Then last winter she met this guy and dated him for 2 months moving back to my area to live with him. That didn’t work out so she moved back home but she was only home maybe a month before she moved back to where I am. I met her soon after, moving in with her and 2 other roommates. I dated her for the past 7 months though we broke up a few times during. After dating her for the first month I had worries about kids and such so she broke things off. The same day I came and got my stuff and who was there at the apartment but the guy she had, had the 2 month relationship with and from what she later told me they just were talking about how they felt for each other. Nice….. I know…
Another thing that always bothered me back then was these two guys that her cousin and her met at some store. They came over once or so when I wasn’t home to play cards though from what I know her cousins bf (my ex buddy) was there too so I don’t think anything happened. It was 2 days after she broke things off I came down to the apartment to see her but I was told we couldn’t be long out because she had some friends coming over. (I was thinking “She doesn’t even know anyone here…”. Anyways we walked down to some café and while sitting there she said “Did you see those two guys who passed up on bikes (Bicycles)?…well they are the ones coming over.” Yep it was the two guys from the store. Why were they coming over… to play cards. What did I say to that? “Ahhh… so this 35yr guy and his friend are coming over to play cards with you….. yeh…playing cards is what they really want to do.” You know it snows in mexico too.
Fast forwarding to the past 4 months. I broke things off in the summer but I regretted it because I wanted to be with her but she told me if I wanted to be with her I would have to return with her back to her town. So I did. Well allots happened. In the time I was there twice she went to the local bar leaving me home alone, she didn’t want me going. I remember a time being at one of her friends houses and this guy walks in, says “Hey, you gone let me wear you out?” My gf responds “No I got my bf to wear me out now” to which the guy says “Well that’s never stopped you before.” Nice…. I asked her about that.
I’m from the big city and she’s from a small town and after no luck with work after 2 months I had to return back to my home but alone. The plan was I would return after 8 or so months of working but after I returned home I almost immediately made plans to return within a few days. So without telling her (because I knew she would tell me to stay) I hoped on a plane and flew back. I surprised her but the reaction I got wasn’t what I had expected. It was more like a fake smile but underneath she was saying “wtf are you doing back here?!?”. I wasn’t even back 10 minutes before I was told Halloween there was a dance at the local bar and I wasn’t going. Ok fine I could live with that….
Well she also made it very clear she wanted her own space in that she could come and go whenever and she would. In the first week back we were talking and I knew something was up so I kept bugging her. Finally she said it hurt her to tell me but she didn’t know what she wanted, a fulltime relationship or just to be free and do what she wanted whenever she wanted. She always told me she was never one to stay indoors, she wanted the freedom to go to parties with friends or whatever else was going on. I swear sometimes she was like a 5yr old kid who can’t wait to get outside and be with their friends. Anyways it was a wk later I got a job in her town and right before I went in for my first shift we had another talk. This time however it got more deep. She told me and almost in exact words although she enjoyed my company she wasn’t sure what she wanted. Said she wasn’t over her marriage and needed to get things straightened out in her life. She wanted to go back and finish school and get whatever else sorted out. No words can ever describe how I felt when she said she enjoyed my company. I mean I just hoped on a plane and came all the way back to be told I’m good company…. L
She told me we could still be together and work through things but she couldn’t promise me anything solid for the future because she didn’t know what she wanted. I wanted to be there so I wanted to make things work.
There was a small thing that came up, bothered me a lot but I never said anything to her. The first guy she was ever with was in the area and had told her he wanted to drop in and see her. Of course I didn’t like it but it’s not like I have much say…I don’t think he ever did drop by though.
On the second shift of my job before I left my gf really broke down, was depressed about her kids, and everything. Said she wanted me to move back home and she was going to live with a friend of hers. I was shattered and quit my job that night. Well quitting the job didn’t help things and after she had calmed down, I was told I had till end week to find another job. Luckily I got one but it wasn’t even a wk after I had that one she told me “I want you to move back home and make a good life for yourself.” You can imagine what I felt. Over the next week or so I tried to talk her in to me staying but eventually she started becoming upset when I brought it up. I even asked her to just let me stay then until after new years. One of the reasons I came back was because Christmas, new years and her birthday are all around each other and I wasn’t going to miss them. Well there was no arguing there, I had to return home she didn’t want me to stay. Said it would make her happy to see me come home and make a good life for myself. I was devastated…. Well I’ve been home for 3 weeks now and I have a new job which somewhat helps to take things off my mind but for the most part everyday is still really, really hard.
Last night though I booted up the computer I had brought home. Although I know how it was going to make me feel I stated looking at my pics and her pics, games we had played but then I came across an msn folder. It had a few log files in it from her chats with friend/family. I looked though a few and most were just family/friends but one….one of them shocked me… There was this guy who had rented a room from her husband and her when they were married. I knew this because we were on msn oneday and she looked this guys email up. He wasn’t online but she told me who he was. Well Im reading this log and the first thing this guy says is “Hi”. My gf responded with “Hi, don’t say anything, people are around.” She was referring to me sitting 10ft away on the couch. She was really flirting with this guy as if they had talked within the past wks.
Anyways I know it’s probably a lot to take it but I was just curious what you maybe though is going through my ex’s head. I do believe that she wanted me to have a better life in my city, there is a lot more for me here but I just can’t stop thinking there was something else. Did she really want her freedom? Was there feelings for someone else? I know she probably has allot on her mind, the broken marriage, kids, school, failed relationships… I wish I knew what she was thinking. She always told me I treated her better then anyone ever has but then I wonder why am I back here?
Also I called her a little over a week ago cause I was feeling really crappy. Anyways she wasn’t home but she called me back shortly after. I got “You can’t be calling me so often, my parents are getting annoyed” and when I just wanted to know what she’d been up too I guess she got upset. I mean at first she said nothing but I asked again to which she said “I said nothing, we aren’t together so I don’t have to tell you what I do now, but I went to the washroom three times today.” Well that floored me but we kept talking for a few minutes. Talking about my work, her school but it only lasted a few minutes before she said she had to go, laundry. Said she would call me this week, but she hasn’t yet. I haven’t called her either and it’s been over 1 wk since we spoke.
I just really wonder what’s going through her mind….
The more important question is: WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD??!!!!
Are you sort of on the verge of losing what's left of your mind...much less your dignity? This woman is over you. Face Facts! Now do yourself a favor stay away from her, strict NC and get yourself a journal...pour your heart out in that. Next, before every action you do in regards to recovery ask yourself 'what do I gain from out of this'. Happiness or Pain.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Whats going through my ex's head? Is she just confused?
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