I haven't posted here in awhile but here goes again, same man 6 1/2 yrs we've seperated and our son and I moved out, back in july. We decided to try again, start conselling and still nothing seems to be working.
Friday night he was acting strange, giving me answers about going out to dinner that just weren't firm answers. He ended up at home with a friend instead of coming to see our son, who was waiting. We ended up a dinner later after son was asleep by this time he had a bit to drink. He told me all about his bad day, then he picks a fight over a cig. I was going to smoke(he tried again to quit), he call me a B*tch for about the 5th time and I said no more. He gets back in the car and drives me home to leave me with no vehicle, while our son is with me.
Just totally turned in a heartbeat, I didn't hear from again until yesterday when of coarse I called, he can't tell me why that happened and doesn't want to talk. He picked up our son for about 1 1/2 hours late yesterday and again I say can we talk, he says I'm going home to sleep I'm tired, he leaves doesn't even say bye, and no phone call.
Right now I feel horrible I just want it to work so bad, I feel misserable and depressed, and I'm sure he's fine, he knows that he hurt me and I feel he is tourchering me on purpose.
What can I do????? Help please this really hurts....
Noone has replied and I need some imput he still has not called, I think I want to try NC just for myself because I am too much dependent on him, because mylife falls apart when I'm not w/him. I think thats my problem I need to have my own life and be happy alone, but I can't get him out of my head, he knows this and uses it against me.
How would you do NC when you have children together and when should I and How can I just say enough is enough I love this man and I just can't get this family I have imagened in my head out of my head. Would NC be the right thing to do I'm so confused and a mess right now.
ill try to give you some advice, i know he is the father of your children and that could make it alot harder...im sure you want to have that perfect family.....but if hes acting like that and caling you a b*tch its really not healthy at all.....
dont let your life fall apart with out him, it sucks to get dependant by some one because yes when they dont do something right everything falls apart....think about how bad it will be later on....you need to start trying to make your self happy, and Make it so your life doesnt fall apart with out him......honestly dont let him no your dependant upon him...
and you cant do Nc because you have kids...but you can take it to a different level...make calls strickly about the kids....and look at it from an objective point of view.....
if he acts strange, like he did before and you guys are separted than please back off and dont try, make your self happy and your kids, and his job right now is to be daddy...i know you want it to work...and maybe it will but for the time being this is how you should make things
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When the doors of perception are clensed, things will appear as they truely are
brittanyjean, thank you for your reply, as I sit here with tears in my eyes reading it because I know your right, I guess what I have a problem with is how to make myself happy without, because right know I'm sitting here by the phone upset, hurt, confussed, depressed and don't want to move. I got myself into this state of mind and I need to snap out of it, I just don't know how. Right now I know he is probably out w/friends riding atv's while I sit here and cry. It makes me so angry and I know what I should do I just can't get myself to do it. I need a kick in the a$$ in the right direction I guess.
[quote=jhurtinct] he call me a B*tch for about the 5th time and I said no more. He gets back in the car and drives me home to leave me with no vehicle, while our son is with me.[/QUOTE
Any man that calls a woman a bitch is horribly abusive.. He is showing disrespect to you and the child.
All of the shiot he has put you thru isn't worth the drama and crap that be brings to you and your child.
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~~ One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.. ~~
Art- I knew you would see it that way and I always know you have the best advice, I know you are right. Why do I feel so lost with out him and why am I so afraid to do it alone? I wish I had a crystal ball that would show me what mine and my sons future would hold. Why so I keep letting him abuse me in this way, what is wrong with me, I really now I'm the one with the big issues.
well dont worry, i have make up smears on my eyes right now haha......well its because you love him so deeply i feel so lost to, devastated still....im sure its harder because you have kids with him..but just get it all out now, and please try to make your self better.......
even if it feels gunt renching to try, trying is a start...have you gone through this b4 maybe when you were younger?....
Why do I feel so lost with out him and why am I so afraid to do it alone?
Because you are codependant on him.. you are addicted to the feeling..
It could be a tape you are playing from your past or just the fact that he has gotten into your head and his abusiveness has lowered your self esteem to the point that you think you don't deserve better..
You do.. You and your child deserve a lot better.
you need to get away from him to clear your head and get yourself back on an even keel..
oh please just get your self out, seriously i look back on all the times when i sat by the phone crying my eyes out wanting to like die, because he would ingore me....i wish i went out ........i regret so many times i let him cut me down and make me feel so worthless....dont let him do that....pls just go out go shoppin change how your" regret will be later ...if that makes sence
i can sit here and feel exactly how you feel...and i can visulise what your going through right this moment and im telling you get out get out it will help
art thank you again I know your right, I have lost myself in him so many times, I only work part time because I'm raising my son, I work when he is in preschool 3 days a week. I completely forgot who I was before him, independent and did everything for myself.
Right now since I moved in july I am still living with my mother, with very little income and a vehicle that is on its last leg. I was borrowing his until mine was fixed until he took that back friday night(great father again). So going anywhere that is not a emergence is really out of the question, and brittany- shopping is also (very little income) unless it's window shopping.
ART_
"Because you are codependant on him.. you are addicted to the feeling..
It could be a tape you are playing from your past or just the fact that he has gotten into your head and his abusiveness has lowered your self esteem to the point that you think you don't deserve better.."
How does one get over being codependant on someone, and get their self esteem back?
thank you get it does just feel better to talk to someone
Brittanyjean- I feel horribly that your going through it too, why do we do it to ourselves we sit and smear our make up while they go out and party up on life. they suck Well we can try not to cry together.
How does one get over being codependant on someone, and get their self esteem back?
You have to start by understanding yourself and working on yourself and not the other person..
Figure out the things that you do that are codependant and work on not doing them..
You might want to pick up a book on codependancy.
Your self esteem will come back if you start working on yourself and remove him from your life.. or if you can't remove him remove the codependant behavior..
Remember that you are not the problem.. he is.. you have just been affected by his problem.
that makes perfect sence, my ex has been removed ( miles wise and emotinally wise)...but i should have known this from the start, i was so naive at 14...and was in lala land.
thanks so much, im sure we probally cried at the same time, but the thing is these guys arent really worth the pain, my mom always tells me wait till i have kids, if your going to try to make someone happy let it be your kid im sure that would bring a smile to your eye.... if you dont have time to do the things you want to do because of your child....and there are money issues just try your best with whats around....it will slap him in the face one day if he wasnt there for both you and his children !
Don't be afraid to find a therapist to talk to. Maybe by doing that it will help you cope and to learn HOW to be happy on your own. Your emotions are raw right now. Time will heal this and also focussing on other things. Keeping busy and NOT allowing your mind to think about him. The more you do that, push him OUT of your head, the easier it will be to care less about him and what he thinks.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
I might not make much sense but I try 
GOOD LUCK 
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