Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
I am married and have recently got caught cheating. Not in the act but from me not being too discreet. I don’t think I wanted to get busted but I couldn’t help myself, I wanted to be with my girlfriend so much that nothing else mattered. I was very careful at first but we both started to fall for each other and spending a lot of time together. I stopped being careful and my wife started to spy on me. My wife knew something was up for a while and asked me several times if I was cheating and of course I always denied it. My wife and I have been together for a long time and only married for about a third of our relationship. We do have kids and a lot of history together so I had to try and work things out. I could have stayed with the OW and I do imagine what things would be like had I left my wife. We have been trying to work things out and I’m not sure either of us can cope with what I have done. She must really love me for even giving me a chance. I could go on forever, so I guess the advice I’m looking for is should I try and work things out, be alone or try and get back with the OW. This whole ordeal is very confusing
[quote][quote=Mr.Terrible]\ She must really love me for even giving me a chance. I could go on forever, so I guess the advice I’m looking for is should I try and work things out, be alone or try and get back with the OW. This whole ordeal is very confusingQUOTE]
You need professional help.
You need to stop being so concerned about yourself, think of those kids! You barely mentioned them or the effects on them.
How about asking yourself what the OW gave you that your wife didn't. How did she make you feel? What image did she have of you that you liked?
Work on these things with your wife. Talk to a therapist. There is always a door of opportunity to work things out with a spouse. Is the door still open?
Believe me, it's not the OW that you want. It's how she made you feel. She could have been anyone...but you only have one wife. And I bet one day a long time ago she made you feel great, too....
If you want your marriage to work, you must cut off all contact with the OW. Commit to six months, one year, whatever you want, to see if things can work out with your wife. Then, after this time period, evaluate where you both are.
Just don't romantize the OW. She wouldn't look so great if you had to go through the daily grind with her.
Good luck. You deserve to be happy. Do the right thing. Be single if you pursue any other women. I hope things work out for you.
[quote=a4a][quote][quote=Mr.Terrible]\ She must really love me for even giving me a chance. I could go on forever, so I guess the advice I’m looking for is should I try and work things out, be alone or try and get back with the OW. This whole ordeal is very confusingQUOTE]
You need professional help.
You need to stop being so concerned about yourself, think of those kids! You barely mentioned them or the effects on them.
Forget the other woman.
a4a
Like I said, I could go on forever. My family is the main reason why I'm trying to work things out with my wife, not because I got caught. This does effect my kids and I am aware of it. They mean everything to me and even if my wife and I split up I will still see them no matter what happens. I think being in a marriage where either parent isn't happy isn't healthy for the kids. I hear what your saying about "forget the other woman" and I am trying very hard to do that. I wish things were that easy, its a little more complicated.
Why is it you even care it is obvious you have no intention on working on this you are still wanting and longing to be with OW !! Was it an emotional connection or a physical was it both of them!! You need to forget about OW and start working on your marriage go to counseling and try to make it work!! Good luck
Hello. Well, giving advice to you when you're really mixed up about things is really hard. How do you feel about your wife? Is it really over with her? What is she saying about what happened..? What were the reasons you had something going on with OW..? Can you rebuild your marriage..?
I'm in a similar situation. I'm married and have been in a 7 month relationship with a married woman.
As far as forgetting the OW, there's a reason you went to her. Was it for fun? Is something important missing in your marriage that the OW provides? Are you a serial philanderer? Advice to just forget her is too simplistic. You need to look at yourself, your relationship with the two women, and come to an understanding of what went wrong, why it led to your infidelity, and whether the OW is truly someone you're in love with. Understand yourself and your motivations and you'll come closer to the truth.
I am a cheater too... I cheated on my wife and my wife forgrave me too. I however didn't really understand 1) why I cheated in the first place 2) what it meant for her to forgive me 3) What I needed to do with my life
So you need to take some time and decide what you want in your life, if you make a decsion because of your kids or because of money or because any other reason than what you need in your life or heart then it will fail. Don't stay with your wife unless you love her unconditionally... meaning own up to your faults and excuse her's.
My wife and I are in counsiling now and it helps, it also helps just to talk. Communication is the biggest problem in our relationship its what started us down the path we took.
So decide for you what is best, if that is to leave then leave and work out the details with your family. However if you love her and you are committed to the relationship then that is something you need to work on the rest of your life.
You dont know at all what you want right now do you? I dont know whether you have cheated in the past or if this was a one off. If this has happened before, or if you are prone to fantasies of being with other women, you might want to ask yourself if your wife is trully the women for you. Just because you have a long history and children it doesnt necessarily equate that you are right for each other now, relationships change, people change. Alternatively this may have been a one-off and the plain and simple reason that it happened is because the connection between you and this o/w was so strong that you actually were following your heart rather than your trousers. Only you know the answers to this. If you have been a cheater before or feel that you may well be in the future, do yourself and your wife a favour and let her go. If you were following your heart in engaging in this affair, it may be that o/w is the one for you, but it is wise advise to remember that people really can be a whole lot less attractive when the day-to-day grind kicks in. Whatever you do, make a decision and stick to it, DONT DITHER BETWEEN THESE TWO WOMEN, you'll end up breaking both of their hearts and may lose them both. Please consider your children too, they dont want to witness constant arguments and head games.If you decide to stay with your wife, go for counselling together AND WORK REALLY HARD AT IT. Otherwise break up as cleanly as you can and put the children first in all your decisions.
GOOD LUCK !
Believe me, it's not the OW that you want. It's how she made you feel. She could have been anyone...
I have never been "anyone", I have always been "me" with this man. How is it that I get different advices on the "The Other Man/Woman" forum? Things don't make sense anymore.
I would have given everything to this man. I will always love this man. I love him and only wish the best for him. If his family and wife means a happiness to him, I hope they can all achieve that.
I truly do not think it was 'the way the OW made him feel', it was how we made each other feel. It couldn't have been 'anyone'. It was me.
Get your head out of the clouds, quit acting like a goofy teenager with all of this “love” ****. The sooner that you realize this is all bull****, the better off you will be.
The other thing you need to consider is your appearance. You need to take a hard look in the mirror and realize that you don’t even measure up to the standards that he could get so you might think that he had good reason to keep you as a side dish and tell you all of those things to keep you all silly in love.
WOW! Some people just don’t see things for what they truly are. WAKE UP!!!!!
Get your head out of the clouds, quit acting like a goofy teenager with all of this “love” ****. The sooner that you realize this is all bull****, the better off you will be.
The other thing you need to consider is your appearance. You need to take a hard look in the mirror and realize that you don’t even measure up to the standards that he could get so you might think that he had good reason to keep you as a side dish and tell you all of those things to keep you all silly in love.
WOW! Some people just don’t see things for what they truly are. WAKE UP!!!!!
Lostinthewoods here
Thanks UknowMe for your concerns. I will take a better look tomorrow morning, when I wake up.
We are having a nice threeway here. I found this site first, dangit!
Well, I'm out of here, no need for more drama.
I will go and spill my jelly-love-beans elsewhere. I'm sure you will find me.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
I found this site first, dangit!
Linear Mode
