okay, almost everyone knows that if u r friends with a woman u can never ever become her boyfriend!!!
i just want to understand the psychology behind this... women, assume that u break up with ur boyfriend and after that one of ur guy friends that is interested in you expresses his feelings. would u refuse to date him just b'cos u started as friends?
__________________ "She keeps a picture of me in her apartment in the city;
Some things in this world man, they don't make sense" -- Bright Lights, Matchbox 20
I'm not sure this applies to noclobber's situation. She seemed more like she wanted all the fun and gifts of a boyfriend, with none of the responsibility or obligation. So she's either really selfish and immature, or there's one heck of a hang up on her religious preferences for men.
Having said that... The only guys I have ever really fallen for hard, and had long term relationships with started as good friends. I think I told the first guy about a dozen times that I didn't want anything more then friendship. Blew him off like crazy, over and over again. He wouldn't go away. Mostly I was just really scared of getting hurt again. Over time I fell in love with him too.
That one lasted 9 years.
Second guy, we never discussed "dating", we just hung out a lot. I wasn't attracted to him, and I didn't see him as "dating" material. Nor did I want to be in a relationship again. So we were friends. He never pushed the issue, or said he wanted more. Never said he liked me as more then friends. But he'd spend time with me instead of his friends, and we'd talk on the phone for hours. Over time I got to see who he was as a person, and I started really falling for him. I was still dating other people during all this, and realized I was comparing all the dates to the friend, and they all fell short.
Long story short. Friend turned into lover, and although rocky at times, it's been almost 2 years.
The guy's I've dated from the start never lasted. Think the longest was 2 months.
So, yes. I do believe friends can become lovers. But I also know I'm not the norm, and I tend to be really.... uh... weird. so take it with a grain of salt.
okay, almost everyone knows that if u r friends with a woman u can never ever become her boyfriend!!!
this is basically true because it is very hard for the female to "reframe" the relationship as something else. If you start out as friends then you'll remain friends (from her perspective).... by "friends" I mean good friends or buddies. Aquaintances are different. If you are an aquaintance with a woman you can most definiately become lovers.
That is the best thing....to have many female aquaintances and not friends. I always recommend to men to not be friends with a woman unless you are involved with her romantically.
BTW...if the man chooses to become friends with the female then he will most likely never become her lover. Now....if the female chooses to become friends with the man then she may like him.
BTW...if the man chooses to become friends with the female then he will most likely never become her lover. Now....if the female chooses to become friends with the man then she may like him.
Ahh... I am enlightened. I think that's probably very true.
Ahh... I am enlightened. I think that's probably very true.
I usually found out later on that most of the women who befriended me were actually romantically interested in me.... I remember I ran into some chick at a bar last summer. We used to work together 15 yrs ago and she befriended me back then. She confessed at the bar that she was totally in love with me back then and I thought we were just friends.
I've heard this story over and over again from women. When it is the woman who encourages and fosters the friendship then she probably likes the man.
When it is the woman who encourages and fosters the friendship then she probably likes the man.
Someone - I think it might have been Outcast, actually - put this very well on another thread. Something along the lines of "there are just friends and then there are guys you like so much you'll take them any way you can get them. Including as just friends".
A good way to tell the two apart would be to see how much effort and initiative the woman puts in. Which is back to Alpha's comment.
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That is not me in the photo. Nor is it my ass
Friends can become more, but it takes a helluva long time for the girl to see the light. Some guys are willing to suffer it out, even though there's no guarantee she'll come around.
My boyfriend and I were really good friends for three years first. We got to know each other extremely well and be completely comfortable around each other.
Then, during the third year, he started acting oh-so-subtly different. He'd ask me to movies (as friends, I thought). He asked me to prom. Sometimes he'd give me little touches... a hand on my back, etc. At first I didn't really connect them, but finally I realized he liked me as more than friends. I decided to give the relationship a shot (just for the heck of it) and ended up falling for him with emotions stronger than I've ever felt for anyone before, and he feels the same.
I'm not saying that every friend you have might become more. But sometimes, when you are least expecting it, a friendship blooms or takes a turn, and those, I think, are the most valuable. No nasty surprises, no akwardness -- you already know the person, and he/she knows you. You've seen each other at your best and worst, and have a deep emotional connection to build upon, making the rest all the sweeter.
I honestly do not believe guys can be *friends* with women - unless he is involved with them.
Oh, sure they can. I have more guy friends than girl friends, I think. None of us are interested in each other romantically -- some have girlfriends at other colleges even -- but we still hang out and enjoy one another's company without any romantic feelings between us whatsoever. It's kind of a brother-sister relationship. In fact, they feel sort of protective of me and call me their "little sister."
I think the problems come up if you only want a friendship and the other person wants something more. Then you feel strange around them. :/
Oh, sure they can. I have more guy friends than girl friends, I think. None of us are interested in each other romantically -- some have girlfriends at other colleges even -- but we still hang out and enjoy one another's company without any romantic feelings between us whatsoever. It's kind of a brother-sister relationship. In fact, they feel sort of protective of me and call me their "little sister."
I wouldn't know of any of that.
I consider any females in my life (besides my GF) to be acquaintances only. No *hanging out* or anything *social*.
If YOU ARE friends with a woman, YOU can certainly become her boyfriend. It does happen.
Totally agree with Outcast you have to be friends in a relationship before you can be lovers so i would say yes but it can also hender yoour friendship if it doesn't work as long as you are willing to take that chance then go for it!! Good luck
At the very least, he has to be attracted to the girl in some respect, otherwise he wouldn't be friends in the first place. This is true of most guys.
I agree totally WEST....personally, I don't even give fat and ugly women the time of day unless I am forced to.... as in someone you have to work with or a fat and ugly friend of my girlfriend, you know what I mean.
What I'm trying to say is I am not mean to them but I don't give them any extra attention either....
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