Is calling your kids names, such as brat, damn idiot, f*cking spoild child, saying what in the sh*t is your problem etc etc the list goes on, is that considered verbal abuse?
I have a neighbor that talks that way to her kids. Shes a very unhappy woman in her current situation and I think she tskes things out on her kids. Its awful to hear. She hollers at them really bad when she says things to them. I hear her call them names and sometimes ugly names alot. I feel bad for the kids I really do. They seem to be good kids, smart etc, but the way the mother treats them is terrible. So is this abuse?
This is not just a form of abuse..... but a very serious form of it that usually goes on without a way of stopping it.
This will have serious long term consequences on the kids. If you can talk with the kids........ let them know that they do hold value, that they are not dirt...... one person can make a difference.... one sentence can help them.
Do not confront the parent.......it will end up coming out on the kids!
Yep, this happened to me. My mom was really depressed and she took it out on me. Anytime I'd screw something up, I was stupid, an idiot. Once I was going on a trip and packed a damp towel, that's the time she called me a f**king idiot. My older sister was home and immediately took me to my dad's house. She and mom had quite the blowout. Anytime I would drop something,"What did you break now?" As if I wasn't capable of holding anything. It killed my self-esteem.
I truely believe it is what caused me to allow my ex-bf to become emotionally abusive towards me. Since then my mom and I have had some heart wrenching discussions, and I have forgiven her because she is honestly remorseful and has obviously stopped that behavior. Her mother did it to her too. We now have quite a close relationship, although we have a limit to the total amount of time we can be together. 2 weeks tops. But I don't think this is that unusual.
I'm scared to death that I'll do it to my kids. I've talked to my fiance about it at length, and he will be on the lookout to make sure I don't pass it along. Ironically, I also don't think I would be where I am today if I didn't strive so hard to please her.
bab, its good that you have reconized the fact that you may have those abusive tendencies, and hopefully if you have kids one day you will be able to keep it in check.
bab, its good that you have reconized the fact that you may have those abusive tendencies, and hopefully if you have kids one day you will be able to keep it in check.
Yeah, I really don't think that my mom knew how much it was affecting me. I think since I am aware of it, it will really make a difference.
My fiance was talking to a councelor once and my F told him that he really enjoyed "violent" sports, i.e. football, rugby, wrestling, lacross.... and was worried that when he stopped playing them he might start taking out aggressions in an "unproductive" manner. His counselor told him that the fact that he was actually concerned about it, indicated that it was highly unlikely to become a problem (which is hasn't). I believe the same applies to me, but I'm still gonna be careful.
When I grew up my Dad never called me by my name.. He used to call me by a nickname he had for me " shortround ".. I never understood what it meant.
I was also refered to in business as Herb's son or little Herb ( Herb was my dads name ) and never by my name..
He also called me stupid and names like that..
After he died I had a real identity problem that required me to seek counseling because all of a sudden I was me.. and I had no idea who I was..
I also have devoluped a hot button of name calling... the easiest way to piss me off is call me a name.. All because of my dad..
He crunched my self esteem growing up and I had no idea that it was happening.. until he died.
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~~ One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.. ~~
Bab
You are 95% on the way to not repeating the cycle by you seeing that it is wrong and your ability to identify the problem and how your mother had a negative impact on your life through her verbal abuse.
I too grew up in a "cut throat verbal" home. Some really really awful things were said to me.... take the positive out of what you learned. Make it work for you, seems you already have.
You learn to grow up quick in a home like this! Snatches your childhood right out from under you.
Bab
You are 95% on the way to not repeating the cycle by you seeing that it is wrong and your ability to identify the problem and how your mother had a negative impact on your life through her verbal abuse.
Thanks so much for the replies, and for the link provided, that helped alot. I know that what goes on at my neighbors isn't really much of my business, but it just tears me up to hear that mess. I can't even go out in my backyard sometimes to do my gardening, or raking etc, without hearing her scream at those kids with those kinds of names. Not only is her name calling bad its the way she does it too, her tone. Its plain out ugly.
I have been over to her house before to return a tool her husband let me borrow and she doesn't even care that someone is over, she will flat out tell those kids off. You can just look at them and see the hurt in their eyes. They are ages 11, 8, and 5. 2 boys and a girl. The girl is the oldest, right here at puberty too poor thing is having a hard enough time coping with changes going on she sure don't need that too. I want so bad to say something but I find myself biting my tongue. One minute I say its not my business then the next I think, well what about the welfare of the kids? The thing that gets me is she realizes she does it. She has made the comment to me before she shouldn't act that way to them. Maybe if her current situation is not good in her relationship maybe she should get out of it so the kids will stop suffering because of her choice. I dunno. Thanks again.
So glad to hear that you are getting a handle on it so in the future you don't treat your children the same way you was..You are always to be stern with your children and let them know you are boss but never to make them scared of you !! good luck hope things work out for you and you don't follow your parents footsteps!!
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