I am a high school junior. Ever since I could remember, I have always wanted to become a surgeon. As I've been looking at colleges and I've become a EMT, I've realised that trauma surgery is my calling. I've been talking to alot of people about my future career. Real surgeons, doctors, etc. Here's my dilemma: I know that I want to become a surgeon. However, at the same time, it's been a dream of mine to be a loving wife and mother. There is something absolutely thrilling about picking my kids up from school, dropping them off at soccer/baseball practice, going to Thanksgiving dinner as "mommy", and just being a mother. Yet, at the same time, there is something thrilling about putting on scrubs, a white lab coat, standing in the OR working on a critical trauma patient, and then signing off on the papers with MD after my name.
Here's how I've heard it so far. I go to college when I'm eighteen. Graduate from college when I'm 22. Graduate medical school when Im 26. Get out of my residency when I'm 31-32. Fellowship possibly ontop of that. That puts me in my mid 30s by the time I'm a grounded, surgeon making enough money to live on comfortably. Having kids when I'm 35? Getting married through all that busy mess? For some reason I just can't see that.
I'm really not sure what to do. My fiancee, yes, I have a fiance. He's an 20 college sophomore whom I've known for forever, who is studying to become a teacher. We're planning on getting married when I'm older, like in college. He said he will support me in anything that I do. But, I know that he wants kids. He comes from a big family (8 kids). I really dont know what to do. Any advice, personal experience, words of wisdom you can offer me would be great!
Do what you are most passionate about. It sounds to me you are equally passionate about being a surgeon and a mother. Do both. Sit down with a counsellor and figure out a timetable. I think you can squeeze in (or out as the case may be) a child or two in between operations. On the other hand, you'll have to be on call to be paged for emergencies in the middle of a football or soccer game. Make sure the kids have an alternative way to get home...you may have to give up going to out of town games.
Nowadays, many mothers find ways to follow their bliss and lead a very successful family life as well. You can do it...your life just may not be as normal as some. Do what makes you happy!
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Tony
"I like the way you said that, did you know that?" - Mr. Rogers
No one has it figured it out this young. It's really not the smartest thing to pick your mate this young either. You're not finished growing up. By the time you're 20 you may want completely different things (people) in your life. Ask anyone over the age of 25 and you'll see that that's mostly the case.
As far as the mother/career issue. I'm of a mind that you really cannot have it ALL. Either one of you has to give up your career for a time OR you will have strangers (unless you have family) raising your children.
Do what you are most passionate about. It sounds to me you are equally passionate about being a surgeon and a mother. Do both. Sit down with a counsellor and figure out a timetable. I think you can squeeze in (or out as the case may be) a child or two in between operations. On the other hand, you'll have to be on call to be paged for emergencies in the middle of a football or soccer game. Make sure the kids have an alternative way to get home...you may have to give up going to out of town games.
Nowadays, many mothers find ways to follow their bliss and lead a very successful family life as well. You can do it...your life just may not be as normal as some. Do what makes you happy!
Yeah, you can "squeeze in" HAVING a child or two as you say...BUT you CANNOT squeeze in raising them. You are either raising them or you are
not. We can't always have it all in life. If you want to be a mom that badly, then don't go for being a surgeon. Set your career sights a little lower perhaps. I think it's sad (and terribly selfish) when people have kids only to have them raised by other people. Why bother having kids? Get a dog.
You can absolutely do it if you want to. The trick, I think, would be to pick a surgical specialty that would allow you to mainly work out of an office scheduling surgeries as needed. If you're a hospital surgeon, you'd be on call for emergencies but if you're not, you'll have much more control of your schedule.
Of course. You can do anything you want to. Doesn't make it right. You'd still be working long hours until you're established.
Yes, many people are doing this and our kids are suffering because of it. I just don't get this "I want it all and I'll have it all" mentality. It's so immature and selfish.
Of course it's MY opinion. Just as yours is YOURS. Duh!
As far as providing info....Puhleeze! Ask any child if they'd rather be raised by strangers or their own mothers or fathers.
I have FIRST HAND info on this. That's all I need. My child is doing much better in school and is a lot happier since we became a one paycheck household. It's all the proof I (and many other couples) need.
Feel free to state your views. But please do not attack mine. It's good that the OP can come here to see many viewpoints...not just yours.
Oh, and...you know what? You can come up with all the studies you want that say it does no damage to a child to be raised by strangers. In fact, I'll bet you can even find some that say it's BETTER to be raised by strangers in a daycare center. Studies, are meaningless. You really shouldn't take so much stock in them. For every study stating what you want it to say, I can come up with 100 more saying the opposite.
I'm not wasting my time with studies. Personal experience is all this mom needs to know!
Who said anything about being raised by 'strangers'? If someone's a married surgeon, it's a safe bet that they'll be able to afford a nanny, who functionally becomes part of the family. In this day of nuclear families we no longer have the close group of relatives around who used to help take care of the kids so we have to do the next best thing.
Yes, and the "next best thing" is to raise them yourself! A "nanny" is no substitute. I don't care how much one thinks of them as part of the family. Look, truth is only someone who has his/her own child could really comprehend this. NO ONE can take care of or feel for his/her own child like the parent. And children will never feel the same love and have the same kind of bond for a nanny that they do with their parents.
And no one attacked your views. Obviously they are diametrically opposed to mine. But I don't attack you for your views.
You telling me to come up with studies and that that is just one woman's opinion is obnoxious and rude. Did I ask YOU to come up with a study to support your views which I don't agree with? Did I state the obvious in telling YOU that your views are just YOUR opinion.
You're not helping the OP by arguing with me.
Oh, and just curious...have you ever heard of a parent who wished they'd have left their kids with a nanny or a daycare center instead of raising them themselves?
I've heard plenty though who wished they HADN'T. I rest my case.
Good luck, Sally in making your decisions. I hope you make the right ones for yourself.
Last edited by Hot Coco; 14th November 2005 at 12:19 PM.
Oh yeah you do. All the time. And I did not 'attack you'. I disagreed with what you said. There's a difference. And yes I can ask for proof of something you state categorically as though it were fact.
Oh yeah you do. All the time. And I did not 'attack you'. I disagreed with what you said. There's a difference. And yes I can ask for proof of something you state categorically as though it were fact.
P.S. There's a nice and courteous way to disagree with someone and an arrogant and rude way.
I second the nanny vote. My old oncologist was also married to an oncologist. Double doctor family. My oncologist had three children who she loved more than anything in the world. She was (is) one of the leading Oncologists in our State (Ohio). Should she be deprived of children? Of course not. Should she be deprived of using the God given talents she has? Of course not. If she stopped practicing, I might not be alive today. I don't think that the blanket of 'everyone should do this' or 'everyone should not do this' is very practical. Myself, I'm a SAHM because I know myself, there is no way in God's green earth that I could juggle a full time job and being a full time mom at this time. I know my limits. But my limits are not everyone's limits. Everyone has different comfort levels. The trick is to find where yours is and then live it. Good luck.
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