Hi guys,
so like most of the people posting on this forum, I have been hurt after my gf broke up with me. Like most of us, I look for help to cope with the emotional pain and distress. Like most of us, I hope to get better. Like most of us, I hope we will get back together.
Our break up is pretty recent (last week) and I'm sure you guys can imagine the nightmare I am going through. I have good days and really bad. I realise the week ends gonna be the worst because it is usually when she socialise and is more likely to meet someone.
Anyway, I am not willing to stay that way. I've been thinking a lot about myself and how I can be a better person. I have thought of just moving on but it is not as easy as it seems. I want her back and feel I might have a chance.
Why ?
Because she keeps contact with me, because she use words that express that she still might be in love with me and regret the breakup (or maybe just compassion). I have used the NC and as I said, so far, she is the one still contacting me.
Ok, here is my question...first, I'd like to know if some of you managed to get the ex back and if so how and after how long ? Then, I'd like to have an opinion regarding a plan that I have. I want to keep the NC for another 2 or 3 weeks and then send flowers...would it be a good idea or would it make me look like a fool ??? Thanks for your help.
What is the content of the conversations when she calls? It could be that she regrets her decision OR she could simply be stringing you along as she looks for another. I guess the more important question is: Do you want her back?
What is the content of the conversations when she calls? It could be that she regrets her decision OR she could simply be stringing you along as she looks for another. I guess the more important question is: Do you want her back?
Hi downcydeguy, first, let me thank you for your reply. Ok, before answering your questions, I gonna try to give new elements.
When she gets in touch with me, it is usually about random reasons. Sometime it is to say that she is here for me and she understand if I don't wanna talk to her (this was straight after the break up). Then, I had an invitation for a diner (that I refused). Then, it was to wish me good luck on my exams (I am at University and at exams period). All these contact are pretty basics but involved a language that is specific to feelings such as "love..." or "baby....".
Now a quick update following a conversation with a common friend. He talked to a close friend of her to know what was the deal with her (without stating he was calling on my behalf). One good thing is that she doesn't have anyone, that she is not willing to see anyone. Other "good" point is that she felt really down these last few days (I am not the only one?!?). Also, she apparently has doubt to whether or not she made the right decision.
Regarding the cons, she is scared of where the relationship was going (commitment is hard for her). Also, she is affraid of losing a certain freedom. Indeed, she likes to go out and has a friend who is an unstable nutcase. I know that this friend is a nice person but dont necessarly have a good stable influence on my ex gf. Altogether, I think that my exgf is just scared of moving in with me because she thinks she will have to justify every move she does and will have to choose between her friend and me.
Now, to answer the question of whether or not I want her back...YES I DO but...
...but at the conditions that she clearly identify her issues (the same way I am identifying mines). I will not jump straight back with her but will give time to time if necessary. Simply because I dont want to go back into a relationship in which the underlying problems will destruct us again.
Hope I'll get some good feedback from you guys. Cheers
I wouldn't send the flowers. It would signify that you will always be there as the fall back position.
It seems like you are doing fine as it is.
I think after a month or so of NC, you could create a sense of urgency by hinting (perhaps through mutual friends) that you are dating someone else. Nothing like jealousy to stoke the fires of attraction.
Sending her flowers is only going to send the message that you are ok with what has happened and it will lift any possible guilt she is feeling right now for leaving you. It's hard to say what her motives are for contacting you, however its possible she just wants to remain friends and/or an added bonus that she can string you along while she is out on the hunt for new prospects.
I agree with Tequila, flowers is not going to send the right message. I like the idea of sending out the message you are seeing someone else, but only if you really ARE seeing someone because otherwise theres that chance it'll backfire and you'll lose. Lying about something like that is often a bad idea because you are doing X to get someone else to do Y. Never, EVER do such a thing. Only do what can help yourself, not trigger someone else's actions. You cant control others - only yourself. That includes feelings.
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Love makes you do crazy things...insane things. Things you never thought in a million years you would see youself do. - Wicker Park
Good judgement comes from experience and experience, well...that comes from bad judgement
I think it's ok for you to send her flowers under certain conditions. First you make sure you are not expecting anything from her in return. If you do it then make sure it's out of the goodness of your heart and a token of appreciation. If you send flowers to manipulate her into coming back she will sense it. If your motives are sincere she will sense it too. Women are not stupid. I recommend sending a friendship card along with the flowers. Now there is a chance she won't accept them. You have to decide if you are willing to take that risk. That brings me to the second condition on which it's ok to send flowers. From what you have told us she doesn't seem cold and irritated when talking to you. In fact she's the one intiating the contact. So it would be ok to send her flowers in this case. Now if after that she is resistant at all then that's when you know it's time to stop sending gifts. Every woman is different. You know her better than I do so I can't really predict with absolute certainity how she will respond to the flowers.
Don't sent flowers, don't contact her. If she is calling you then you have not done NC yet. These calls do not mean anything. Remember she has lost her ex too, so she no doubt misses the closeness she had with you, it does not necessarily mean she wants to get back with you. If you let this go on like it is, you will be strung along for a few weeks or months in a semi hell until you find out she has met someone else.
You can not get someone back, no matter how much you want it. If she wants to be with you again she will make it clear. And from what you have said she hasn't yet. I'm guessing as your a uni student that you're late teens, early twenties, so perhaps you haven't had a lot of experience in break ups. And if she is around that age, look out as she might be yet another case of girls going nuts at that age.
Best advice you will get from anyone is NC. Short of her banging on your door in the middle of the night begging to have you back, do not fall into the trap of convincing yourself she wants to get back with you.
Hi, just though I would write and give a quick update...gosh, that one hurts so much !!!!
Ok, so today, I received a posted mail from her...reason why ? she had my wallet and she sent it to me after I requested it. With the wallet, a letter.
Instead of giving an interpretation of the letter, just think I'll cite and wait for advices from you.
"Dear David,
I really hope you can forgive me for making this decision + that we can remain friends.
I can understand that you have exams and this must be so hard. I'm here for you if you want me to be. I want that more than anything.
The last year has been so special to me. I have learnt so much from you...love, respect, hope (so much I can't even explain).
I just want you to be happy (I know I haven't helped here).
Please forgive me for putting you through so much hurt.
Godd luck with your last exam ever baby.
All Love
XXX, Lauren"
Here is the letter...what should I do now ? Reply to this ? I am now so lost, so much in pain. She already broke my heart once and I now feel she tries to get the pieces of it to feel better about herself.
In between, I also talked to friend of hers and they told me she is upset about the whole situation, that she is really sad which makes me really lost.
Hi, another quick update of the events happening hoping I'll get some help.
Last nit, I received a text message from her at 11.30pm, the messages said:
"Hi David Really want to speak to u but too emotional right now. Had a really strange week end not seeing you, not beeeing with u and not talking with u. When is your next exam? How was your week end? I really would like to c u soon if you want. Sorry if thats confusing for u. are you ok? xx
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