[Mtn.mamacita]

I'm new to this site and what an eye opener!! Mine started 8 months ago. I was married w/ 2 kids. He has 3 and the standard "bad marriage". I have since filed for divorce for MYSELF not for MM. We met while vacationing w/o spouses, instant chemistry-never touched. Emails progressed to phone calls which progressed to 2 long wonderful w/e trysts. ( he lives states away) One while we were still w/ spouses and one while we were both separated. We felt everything the classic intense MM/OW relationship felt.....best friends, love of my life, soul mate, never felt like this, happens only once in a lifetime, compatible in every way, shape and form. We talked almost everyday at least once. We are so much alike it is scary!! He liked to talk of the future together and it sounded like a natural progression.
While we were both married we shared risk. I didn't consider myself the OW but I was. He was always telling me how awful the W is...You know the routine-they all sound the same! He was separated for 2 mths always saying they are divorcing, although never did. Then he finally did the inevitable and moved back to work on thing w/ W. I still feel those intense feelings for him, as strong as ever and I truly believe he feels those for me. I know he will never leave even though I can't understand why he would stay. I will always hope. We also could never stick to NC, it was too addicting (as you all know)

I WILL stick to my guns of NC this time. It's only been 2 days and i've never been longer than 3-5 without!!! The pain of loss is so great, I'm 38 and never experienced a broken heart before. I'm physically sick, can't eat or sleep. I could never have imagined feeling this bad. You all know the feeling.

But on the good side (you always have to look at the good side) what a wonderful ride I had! I'm so thankful I have been able to experience the beauty of loving so deeply. It was wonderful to know it is possible. But I want someone that can give that to me 100% of the time!! I believe we are all worth that!
I'm trying to keep busy with classes, new work, salsa lessons,skiing, running, trips planned to Mexico and Italy so far. Life is one big adventure....you only live once...get out now while you still have many years ahead. If they think you are truly worth it they will come find you! Statistics show the W is more worth it...sorry! Unfortunately we will always hope for more.

The true meaning of me writing is to see how long this horrible feeling of loss, sadness, and depression will last. Has anybody actually NC for more than 1 month?? I hear you suffer incredibly for 30 days then it SLOWLY diminished over the next 6 mths to 1 year and never truly goes away. I also hear that if there is contact before the 6 month "grieving process" is up, you start that 30 day suffering all over again!!!!! So hang in there. Anyone with experience on this?
And why don't I ever read about MM emotional distress (from the source) of breaking it off w/ OW???