[katheryn1]

im trying to save my marriage my husband is living with me but every time anything goes wrong he thinks about moving out ,

so all the effort that we are putting in seems to get wiped by him not knowing if he should be here or not i get worried about lots of things,we see y we split up diferantlly ,

i se he left because we were allways arguing bit why we were arguing it was my main problem and neither of us want to go through this again he normally reads most of wat i write on forums and a book i write in he also writes in a book,

we both have been treted for depression i have been on meds since march and hes been on his for about 9 wks ,

i know this is going to take lots of work but i need to be told that he cares im allways telling him that i love him he says he cant say he loves me untill he starts liking himself ,

our last row he said that if he left he would be stuck in a room on his own and would loose the kids,

i wouldnt stop him seeing the kids , so sometimes i wonder if he only came home because the ff didnt want him and he didnt want to be on his own,

if this is so we arnt going to get anywere because we are allready starting out on a lie , hes told me hes never stopped caring but is this enough.

[Tristram]

I could be wrong, but it would seem to me he doesnt want to be in a relationship with you. And that he is looking for a excuse to get out without actually having to face the actual reason. He may feel some kind of obligation or insecurities to be with you and cannot bring himself to end it himself. Therfor he will sabotage your relationship to get a reason to get out. As I said, I could be wrong. But that is a typical behavior.

[Alwaysunsure]

I have to say, I agree with Tristram. At the same time, I know how being depressed can mess with your mind. It makes you feel as if you never know what you want. So, this may play a part in his uncertainty as well.
However, if you have kids, you have to consider them as well. If you fight often, maybe it is better for your husband to not live with you. Maybe being away from one another will give you time to think and decide what will work best.

[glittergurl]

Punctuation is your friend, my dear. That being said; I think you two first need to treat your depressions. This will be a very good start. Once you're both over your depressions, you can finally start focussing on a healthy relationship.

[Outcast]

I completely disagree with Tristram - depression messes with your head bigtime and it's very possible that it's the depression talking when he says he'll leave. He's only been on meds a short while and likely not long enough for it to have really helped. Absolutely work on the depression first.

[katheryn1]

thank you for all the input, we have had a good couple of days and i have started steps to vist councilling either togeather or own my own ,

we talked a lot about some of my insecurities which i think he sorts of understands as he was felling some of these while he had this short relationship with ff ,

he knew what she was like but he went into a relationship with her and i think that now plays a big part on our relationship ,

as he only sees bad things at the moment which is down to depression if he starts to see we been back togeather 2 1/2 mths and in that time we only had 6 arguments but they all seem to be around the same subjact so we have to work on this we know the children suffer but try not to argue when they are around ,

he isnt a great talker never has been we have been togeather 16yrs its a lot to throw away , we also have some debts which are playing a big part in this.

again thank you

[Trimmer]

I strongly encourage you to follow through on the conseling, even if you do start out just on your own. The meds are one tool for the depression, but you can still use some emotional help to work out your relationship issues as well.