I've heard that men can pursue women and even lie about how they feel so that their physical/romantic needs can be met. But they can then turn around and be getting their emotional needs fulfilled somewhere else. Long story short, I have an ex boyfriend who we're looking at reconciling. But, I don't want to resume with where we were at before. And, I'm trying to figure out if I had been fulfilling his emotional needs and he wasn't just lying to me. So, the question was, what do men need or think they need when they are trying to get their emotional needs met? What does a woman need to possess so he receives their needs from that woman?
It's different for every person. If your bf won't discuss this with you, there's not much you can do. You can try to guess, but without him participating, you haven't that much chance of figuring it out.
Willard Harley has a book and website that tells people how to discuss emotional needs.
I posted this here in response to a question, and although this is for me personally, you may find a nugget that might help:
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A man's emotional needs... hmmm... well, I'll take a stab at it. In no particular order:
Acceptance;
Respect;
Support;
Rational;
Fidelity;
Takes sexual initiative;
Clarity;
Punctuality;
Fiscal responsibility (thanks, Mz. Pixie, for this);
Sexual compatibility;
Open;
Good communicator;
Doesn't turn the house into a frenzy or b!tch me out unjustly during her period.
Tgrace, that's just one man's emotional needs. Another's might be completely different. I didn't see 'honesty' in that list or 'kindness' or many other needs that I know other men have. Really, tgrace, it makes little sense to act in a way to please Slub unless Slub's your guy.
Some guys are actually threatened by women 'taking sexual initiative', for instance.
Outcast is absolutely right. This list is just one that I came up with on my own. Now, to her points about honesty and kindness, I would personally lump those together under the heading of respect, but I suppose that's in one's interpretation anyway.
Fiscal responsibility, for me, means a partner who understands that it takes a long time to earn, say, the $100 in disposable income for that new sweater or fancy pair of shoes. Also, defining the difference between needs and wants is part and parcel of this. One may want a new outfit, but if there are 20 other outfits in the closet, all which fit and are in good shape, does it make sense to buy another?
Now, each person should, IMHO, have a completely discretionary amount that they can use at their leisure and without having to account for it. That's only fair; but I believe it's also important to have combined financial goals and work together to achieving them, and not have those goals put in jeopardy because one, or both, of the partners' extravagant spending.
Yes, it all makes sense. I was just looking for a general laundry list. I know that everybody's list is going to be different. And, it's all basically common sense. I guess I was looking for some aspect I had never thought of but I'll go with the common sense of it all. You all helped a lot, thanks!
I believe people can fulfill each other's emotional needs TO SOME EXTENT. The key is that the seed has to already be there. You can not get a grape soda out of a machine that is filled with orange soda. So don't let anyone make you think that you are only responsible for fulfilling their needs then if it can't be filled they start blaming you.
Doesn't turn the house into a frenzy or b!tch me out unjustly during her period.
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That is a good point. BUT at the same time, do not take every grievance she has and make it seem like its only because of her cycle. That is demeaning. Some grievances may be legit.
Be his best friend. Accept him as he is, love him for who he IS..not what you want him to be. Ironically, the less you try to change someone the more they
become what you want them to be.
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