[Lishy]

Have you ever been persued by a girl/guy and not been that interested, so you brush them off a bit, make no effort, tell them you are busy, never contact them ... and then when they stop calling you all of a sudden realise you DO like her/him?

What did u do?
What was the outcome?

[MakeMeBeautiful]

It is happening to me right now. In the beginning I wasn't really interested. When I became interested, he stopped asking me out. I'm not doing anything. He knows that he should be the one doing the pursuing. I figure that if he is still interested he will stop being "busy". He sent me an email apologizing for not being good about keeping in touch. He has been working on a proposal 24/7 and hopefully he should return to the "land of the living" after he is done with the proposal. I hate the busy excuse. I don't think he is interested anymore.

[noclobber]

Originally Posted by Lishy

Have you ever been persued by a girl/guy and not been that interested, so you brush them off a bit, make no effort, tell them you are busy, never contact them ... and then when they stop calling you all of a sudden realise you DO like her/him?

What did u do?
What was the outcome?

Happens all the time Lishy! i feel its analagous to the NC effect. once the attention stops that's when u realize what it is that u r missing!!! u may have not liked the person initially but as soon as they give up on u and move on u will start thinking about them...

there have been many times when i never realized that a girl was interested in me... i cudn't even pick up the clues that they were giving me... but now, in retrospect, i realize what a fool i have been...

[wx3]

I would say its a mixture between these two sayings:

"You want what you cant have"
and
"You don't realize how much you appreciate something until its gone"

[noclobber]

Originally Posted by MakeMeBeautiful

It is happening to me right now. In the beginning I wasn't really interested. When I became interested, he stopped asking me out. I'm not doing anything. He knows that he should be the one doing the pursuing. I figure that if he is still interested he will stop being "busy". He sent me an email apologizing for not being good about keeping in touch. He has been working on a proposal 24/7 and hopefully he should return to the "land of the living" after he is done with the proposal. I hate the busy excuse. I don't think he is interested anymore.

makemebeautiful,

i am sorry that i have to ask a question unrelated to this thread but i am very curious about your post. u have mentioned that in the beginning he was interested in u but u were not.. but after a while u became interested in him. how exactly did u show him that ur feelings changed? i am precisely in the same situation except that the genders r reversed. the girl i was interested in was not interested in me in the beginning but now i am getting some vibes that she might be interested. but i am not able to tell for sure, especially b'cos of the fact that she was not interested in me initially. when we met couple of months back she was in an LDR. but last week she told me that she broke-up with her boyfriend. what clues can i possibly look for to ascertain that her feelings have changed.. right now i am reluctant to even give her a compliment let alone make a move.

[alphamale]

Originally Posted by Lishy

... and then when they stop calling you all of a sudden realise you DO like her/him?

it is human nature to want what is rare or unavailable. rare things have a higher value also.

it applies to precious metals, gem stones, and people.

ever notice how when someone dies their value goes up in your mind?

[Lishy]

what if you knew this person liked you and but you never called them as you was so sure they would contact you eventually ..... would you care enough to miss them when they stopped?

Or would you have just made more effort to call in the first place?

[Art_Critic]

Spill the beans Lishy .....

[Gold Pile]

GP and a former GF both agreed we should end it. Dang if we didn't get hotter for each other after that.

[MakeMeBeautiful]

Originally Posted by noclobber

makemebeautiful,

i am sorry that i have to ask a question unrelated to this thread but i am very curious about your post. u have mentioned that in the beginning he was interested in u but u were not.. but after a while u became interested in him. how exactly did u show him that ur feelings changed? i am precisely in the same situation except that the genders r reversed. the girl i was interested in was not interested in me in the beginning but now i am getting some vibes that she might be interested. but i am not able to tell for sure, especially b'cos of the fact that she was not interested in me initially. when we met couple of months back she was in an LDR. but last week she told me that she broke-up with her boyfriend. what clues can i possibly look for to ascertain that her feelings have changed.. right now i am reluctant to even give her a compliment let alone make a move.

I was seeing Wes (my LDR, I met him when I went to visit my family in California). We were not that serious and never talked about being exclusive. I noticed that things were starting to change. His calls became less frequent. I met Gunnar towards the end of August. In early September Wes was supposed to come out to Denver to visit me but did not. Soon after he called me to tell me that he wanted to work things out with a girl from his past and our relationship had to change. I was devastated. Gunnar asked me out on a date and I said yes because I wanted to take my mind off of Wes. It was a rebound.

I saw Gunnar every weekend for several weeks. After our third date he sent me an email:

"If you'd be interested in getting together more, do let me know.
I would definitely like to get to know you better, but I'm
starting to feel a little concerned that I'm the only one pushing
this. If it's just a matter of you being a traditionalist and
wanting the guy to be the pursuer, then that's great, I'd be more
than happy to, but at the same time, if you're not really interested,
then let me know about that too." -Gunnar

He is a smart guy so he saw the signs. I realized that I needed to forget about Wes and concentrate on this virtually perfect guy. I told him that I was interested in getting to know him better. I was really trying. Wesley called me after about of month of not hearing from him. Despite Wesley's call I still had my mind set on concentrating on my relationship with Gunnar.

How did Gunnar know I was interested? There were small changes. I was more attentive when we spent time together. Before I always appeared to be a thousand miles away. I would make myself snap out of it but only when I catch myself. My smiles and laughter were forced. After about six weeks we finally kissed. The more direct clue was that I slept with him. The following week he took me to dinner at a fancy french bistro. Everything appeared okay. We came back to my place. I invited him to stay over but he went home at 11:40 that night. I haven't seen him since. I guess I was more interesting when I didn't show any interest. After I became interested, he disappears. After that last email I am quite certain he is no longer interested. I don't understand why a guy can't muster up the balls to say "hey i'm no longer interested in you. bye." they come up with the bull**** "i have a crazy busy schedule and that is why i haven't called you."

[noclobber]

thanks for sharing ur story makemebeautiful..

after reading ur reply i realized something.

The more direct clue was that I slept with him.

that one sentence stood out. do u think he distanced himself from u after he "got" u? some men are real *********$ that will put on an act to get the woman to bed.. now i may be wrong in judging ur guy but if he sent u such touching emails while courting u and then disappears one night that is just so disturbing..

so what is ur course of action now? r u going to pursue Gunnar or go back to Wes? i guess u need to put this behind u, take some time for urself, uncompress, and then start dating new people..

good luck!

[MakeMeBeautiful]

Originally Posted by noclobber

thanks for sharing ur story makemebeautiful..

after reading ur reply i realized something.



that one sentence stood out. do u think he distanced himself from u after he "got" u? some men are real *********$ that will put on an act to get the woman to bed.. now i may be wrong in judging ur guy but if he sent u such touching emails while courting u and then disappears one night that is just so disturbing..

so what is ur course of action now? r u going to pursue Gunnar or go back to Wes? i guess u need to put this behind u, take some time for urself, uncompress, and then start dating new people..

good luck!

I still don't understand men. At least Wesley had the courtesy to be honest with me. I was no longer a challenge to Gunnar. What else can I do? I'm not going back to Wes. I still talk to him almost every day. But he is in a new relationship and I already put him behind me. I am taking time to myself. I don't want to start dating new people just yet. I was at a halloween party last weekend and I knew I was pretty cute in my costume. I made more than a few guys go gaga. But I told myself that the only guy I would go home with at the end of the night was my roommate. I left the party without giving out my phone number to one single guy.

[noclobber]

Originally Posted by MakeMeBeautiful

I still don't understand men. At least Wesley had the courtesy to be honest with me. I was no longer a challenge to Gunnar. What else can I do? I'm not going back to Wes. I still talk to him almost every day. But he is in a new relationship and I already put him behind me. I am taking time to myself. I don't want to start dating new people just yet. I was at a halloween party last weekend and I knew I was pretty cute in my costume. I made more than a few guys go gaga. But I told myself that the only guy I would go home with at the end of the night was my roommate. I left the party without giving out my phone number to one single guy.

I think u did the right thing!! u need time for yourself... take some time out, catch up with all your friends, visit your parents...

then once u r ready u can always get back to the dating pool. but i guess this time u got to be wary of the predators and the smooth talkers that r only after getting into the sack.

[MakeMeBeautiful]

noclobber - good luck with your girl. relationships are hard!