Email from exMM, after I suggested we get together on neutral territory and hash things out as he is perpetually confused.

Reminder, he is now D but told me he needed space and that he didnt think he wanted me in his life anymore. This has been very difficult to accept after almost 4 years of WAITING, even though he never promised me a thing:

"Yes I am confused and trying to get some direction. I must say you are still a very good looking woman and seeing you does not help me with my problems, it just makes life worse for me.

Yes I suppose this is the life I wanted. The problem I am referring to is where I have tried to work on this life of mine and move on with it. The big issue I have had is while I have being trying to get over what has happened and just convince myself of certain things, I came to the conclusion that I (maybe you as well) would never be able to trust you or should I say I would never feel secure with you either and therefore I need to stick to my decision and move on and accept whatever life has in store for me. The problem is that though all my self-righteous arrogant feelings, it still hurts to look at you and think how good we were, how much I was in love with you and how little I feel now. It just seems to have been a total waste. "

Comments?

From my perspective it just seems like more apportionment of blame (onto me of course.).
That he actually made a decision is news, and that he feels so little for me now is also news.
This hurts very much. No matter what he has done, i will always carry love for him in my heart.

No better motivation to make the NC stick!
I cannot take this pain anymore.

[sunflower1008]

Originally Posted by TiredOfWaiting

Yes I suppose this is the life I wanted. The problem I am referring to is where I have tried to work on this life of mine and move on with it. The big issue I have had is while I have being trying to get over what has happened and just convince myself of certain things, I came to the conclusion that I (maybe you as well) would never be able to trust you or should I say I would never feel secure with you either and therefore I need to stick to my decision and move on and accept whatever life has in store for me. The problem is that though all my self-righteous arrogant feelings, it still hurts to look at you and think how good we were, how much I was in love with you and how little I feel now. It just seems to have been a total waste. "

Tired, it sounds to me like he is trying to end it with you completely but in the same mode, make you feel like crap. That was a very hurtful statement..."It just seems to have been a total waste." I think he had to "stick it to you" to pump himself and his ego up. He doesn't sound very self-righteous at all, he sounds pathetic.

Remember, you have control of how you feel about yourself. No one can take that away from you. I was in a similiar situation recently, and the MM started getting rude and hanging up on me (which I never did to him). I finally got it through my thick head, that is was HIS problem, not mine. I'm the one that tried to end it with dignity and he couldn't do it. But I felt good about myself with the way I ended it, and it made me stronger.

I know this hurts...believe me, I know. You gave so much of yourself, and you can't believe that this is how he feels. It sucks, big time. But think about it....if he is saying these hurtful things to you now, what kind of person is he? Do you really want him? I think you deserve better. Way better.

Did you reply to this email???

[Leid]

... the man says he "WAS in love" with you. I don't know what else you want him to say.

I'm sorry for your loss, but to hold on to something that isn't there is only gonna hurt you more. He sounds very decisive that he doesn't want a rlp w/ you, and that's OK. He sounds confused as hell.. Who wants to be w/ a confused man? I hope you didn't reply to that e-mail...

Please move on with your life and stop waiting for someone who is NOT worth waiting for !!!!

Leid

[d.s.]

I just want to say something about this post because I feel like I was in this situation before. I was the guy though

I think that he still loves you but just feels empty inside. Maybe he is unsure with what he wants to do with his life and just needs time to himself to just make the right decisions in life. If you are unsure about his email maybe you should call him and ask him what he meant instead of coming to your own conclusions. Maybe he is just saying he doesn't love you just to push you away so that you can move on. Maybe he loves you so much that he can't bear to see you still holding on. What are your thoughts?

If you read my previou thread you may feel like I sound like the ex-MM, but infact my intentions are stated clearly and I do in fact love my x-GF. Sometimes it is just difficult to understand what the other person is trying to do or say.

Let me know what you think!

HTH

d.s.

[foolinlove]

TofW,
Sounds to me like your now D MM is very confused...perhaps even feeling guilty for what he has and have done to this point. He prolly sees how bad it was breaking his W heart to leave her, and feels guilty about having a GF on the side. So perhaps he feels like he doesn't deserve happiness because the D is just new. I mean really, it would KILL his W to know he ran straight to his GF after the D. Are there kids involved? Perhaps she is using that against him? Perhaps he wants the dust to settle and figure out things for himself before he moves on with his life?

I guess at this point, it would depend on the love you still feel for him? Do you still love this man even tho he could drop you just like that? Maybe it would be a good idea that if you are still in love with him to tell him you still love him, you are here for him, but you can't guarentee for how long. In other words, have hope that he may someday want to pick things up with you again, but don't sit around waiting for it to happen. Have a life of your own, do things for yourself, figure out who YOU are without him in the picture. Because i'm sure if you are anything like me, while waiting 3 years for MM to finally leave W. Then you are feeling out of connection with YOU. Who you were before you were so involved with this man who had a destructive aspect to your life. With me, I've had so many emotions stirred up in me, anger, grief, resentment and I had those feelings... i hate feeling this way. HATE it! I decided to not let those feeling take control of my life anymore and get back to the person I am. And if we are meant to be, then i guess we will be. If not, life is still going to go on. Best of luck!