[April22]

I haven’t really posted on here much about relationships lately. In the past…… My boyfriend cheated on me last summer and I gave him a second chance. I know, I'm the idiot that went back to the cheater and got hurt again.. What a suprise.

Things have been GREAT since. He built his own house and I’ve been living there most of the time. We have been doing wonderful and so happy. I was going to move in when I graduate in May and were planning on getting married in the year after.

He has been acting really suspicious lately (getting strange phone calls from somebody that he never answers around me.. The other night he was not at all interested in sex, which is NEVER like him.. Usually he can’t get enough.. Lastnight he couldn't get off.. No matter what I tried. Well, he said he wasn't feeling well.. He had the flu the day before. Could that be just because he wasn't feeling well or because he already got off enough already that night before he came home.

I was really starting to think something was up and I decided to check out his text messages. I know it’s wrong to snoop, but I was really getting worried and was hoping to either find proof that my gut was right or find nothing at all and get over it.

Well, my gut was right. I found about 15 messages yesterday to his ex. Saying he wanted her to just hug and kiss him for an hour when they saw eachother because he misses her so much.. Then a few messages that were so sexual that I can’t even type them here.. Well, saying what he wanted to lick, ahem, and explained everything else he wanted to do to her.

Well I confronted him about it and started reading the messages off to him. His eyes started tearing up. He said, I didn’t cheat on you. I said, then why did you write all of those thing?! I don't remember if he responded, I was so furious. Then I said, you swore that you would NEVER hurt me again. I hope it’s worth it.. And I walked out.. He yelled for me to stop and talk to him, but I took off as fast as I could.

He texted saying: “Please don’t leave me. It’s not what you think. I can prove it. Please come talk to me.”
Prove it?! How can he prove anything about those messages?!

He keeps calling and texting me to please please talk to him. Don't worry, I'm not responding.

I don’t now why, but I’m not even mad or crying about this. I’m just in shock and don’t know what to do. I would sooo love to hear his “proof” (even thought I know it will be a big lie)

Last time when he cheated I left him he did everything to get me back.. Non stop calls, letters, flowers, and everything he could think of. I am wondering if he will try this again.. BTW, our 4 year anniv is on the 7th..

HOW can I get so mad that I loose the urge to talk to him. I don't want to even think about him ever again!!!!
I wish I could fall out of love with him. My mom’s fiancé cheated on her when she was very young and she said she flung the ring across the floor and fell right out of love with him when she found out. I feel the exact opposite.
I mean this is the second time he’s done this to me and I still feel confused and soooo hurt!!

I am such a mess and I hate myself for feeling weak.

Please, help me be strong!!!

[westernxer]

Anybody ready for Round 3?

[jhurtinct]

Your 4 yr, so is this an ex from 4 yrs ago before you or is this the one he cheated with? Sorry just want the story right.

I used to be so afraid to look because it would kill me to see something, that my bf probably got away with it, I would rather not know then go through the pain of seeing it. I'm so sorry your going throught this right now, just remember to say strong for you.

[April22]

This is not the girl that he cheated on me with before. About this ex he is now texting, they had a serious relationship around 7 years ago.. I knew about her and had met once before, but I had didn't even think they still talked.

I knew I was risking the chance of getting crushed before I read in his messages, but I had to know. It was weird when I was reading them I my stomach was burning, I started shaking, and I couldn't breathe. I'm still dying over here! But I'm glad that I found out now

[jhurtinct]

very true better now than when you moved in or got even further, but still that doesn't make it easier. Have you thought about letting him explain him self, just to see what he really had to say about it. I would do it face to face though so you have a better look at BS or the truth.

It's never easy to trust after its been broken, after 3 1/2 yrs since my bf's screw up I still don't trust him, and its causing major issuses right now.

just keep posting and reading and follow you heart but with your mind very close behind.

[April22]

I am dying to talk to him and hear what he has to say about it, but I think it will be all lies. He lied the whole last time we went throught this last year and I have absolutly NO trust in his words anymore.

He said I took those messages the wrong way and they were something else and maybe he's right... But I really doubt that.

This is not the kind of relationship I want to be in forever. I'm ready to settle down. So is he (he says)... If he can do this to me after being together 4 years, why would it be different in the future. Imagine being married to somebody like this. I don't want or deserve that. I need to smarten up

It really is impossiable to trust somebody 100% after it has been broken. And now I have proof that some people cannot be trusted at all ever after it has been broken.

I followed my heart the first time I took him back and gave him a second chance. Maybe it's time I listen to my head

[Lonestar]

Originally Posted by westernxer

Anybody ready for Round 3?

westernxer, it's obvious it annoys you when people make stupid mistakes, like going back to someone who previously broker their heart, but sometimes it would be nice to see you show some empathy rather than your one liner stabs, in a sense. We all make mistakes, and going back to someone you love hoping they will keep the promises they made this time around might be stupid, but humans hold on to hope when they really love someone. It's hard to let go, but even harder to accept that someone they were intimate with would continue to hurt them.

I'm guilty of going back to an A-hole more than once because I had hope that we could repair our family which was torn apart. April22, I understand the pain and shock your going through right now, but you did nothing wrong. You only made a mistake that hopefully you can learn from, and it will be a long time before you can repair your trust in others. You can get through this though and remember that there are no answers and no closure. The pain will eventually stop, but only if you completely cut him from your life. Listening to his lies and BS may only drag you back in for more. Cut loose, feel the pain, live the pain, remember the pain, and never go back.

[Nur]

You should listen to your head.

You know you can't live with someone like this. You are not even married yet, and he's already cheating on you! Imagine, if he isn't satisfied with the young attractive girl he plans on MARRYING, what will he think of his 40-year-old wife when some 25-year-old chick is flouncing around at his job?

This is a permanent flaw in his character. It will not go away, it will only get worse. Look at the pain and anguish it is causing you right now, and decide for yourself: is this guy worth constant doubts, fears, and uncertainty? Or do you deserve someone who is overjoyed to have you, and would never wish to be with anyone else?

I think your heart and your head should agree on the answer to that.

If you go back to him, you are only wasting time you could be using finding someone you deserve, and who deserves you.

[westernxer]

Originally Posted by Lonestar

westernxer, it's obvious it annoys you when people make stupid mistakes, like going back to someone who previously broker their heart, but sometimes it would be nice to see you show some empathy rather than your one liner stabs, in a sense. We all make mistakes, and going back to someone you love hoping they will keep the promises they made this time around might be stupid, but humans hold on to hope when they really love someone. It's hard to let go, but even harder to accept that someone they were intimate with would continue to hurt them.

I agree, but giving her a pat on the back won't help her see the error of her ways. He dealt her a low blow in the two previous rounds. Time for her to get pissed and TKO this relationship, unless she likes low blows.

[Lonestar]

Originally Posted by westernxer

I agree, but giving her a pat on the back won't help her see the error of her ways. He dealt her a low blow in the two previous rounds. Time for her to get pissed and TKO this relationship, unless she likes low blows.

No one is going to help her see the error of her ways, except herself, and she may possibly repeat the situation a few more times until she finally learns he's an idiot. I don't think any man or woman goes back to something bad because they "like" low blows. It more possibly has something to do with low self esteem and being caught up in a vicious cycle, and that can be something very hard to overcome. Some people never do.

Looks to me that right now she's learned he'll never change, but is dealing with the immediate crushing pain of that knowledge - which sucks.

[westernxer]

I completely agree with you, Lonestar.