I have read some recent messages here and some people think that if NC is done, the dumper will forget about us or think we don't care anymore.
I would love to hear some input from others and what they think.
Are those who have been dumped and did NC really forgotten by the dumper?
give your honest opinion.
I think it depends on the personality of the ex and why you broke up. If they broke up with you because they felt you neglected to spend time with them and showed too much indifference and lack of interest then yes strict NC would convey to them that you didnīt care about them enough to try to make more time for them. I think establishing to them to an extent that you are not indifferent to them is important but at the same time respecting the decision they have made. So yes NC could likely backfire on you in this case.
If on the other hand your dumperīs personality is such that they need reverse psychology to get them to do something then NC would not allow them to forget about you. I have been in a position of wanting to break up with someone (not really wanting to) and she used reverse psychology to get me back. I find that people need to use reverse psychology on me to get me to do what they want.
you cannot forget about someone no matter if you do NC or not.....can you forget them? No.....no matter how long or short the relationship, no one "forgets" .Unless they have some kind of amnesia!
I could never forget my exes...and I know they will not forget me.
NC 100% depends on the person you are doing it to. Some do not care and are glad you are doing it if they have somone else, others freak and end up calling you asking what is up after so long. My experience and my friends......exes always call or contact you over time......once things have blown over.......sometimes not to get back, but curiosity kills them!
__________________ Don't put a question mark where God has put a period.
I am trying no contact know. I want to get back with my ex, but she has stated that the possibilities are slim, and not for a couple years. We were together for five years, and engaged to be married. She left and said its over. She has been there done that, and wants something new. I hope by giving her space and working on myself, in a few months, like 6, I can approach her and try to reconcile with her, assuming I still want to. I think that if I don't let her go and have her space, she will feel like we have not been apart. I am going to do the no contact thing, except on major holidays I will call her to say hi. Once she has had some space away with no contact, I feel it MIGHT increase my chances. Keeping my fingers crossed. Yuo can read my story and "want her back, do I stand a chance?
Yeah iīm doing reduced contact with my ex gf now. I donīt plan on contacting her until thanksgiving. If she calls before then Iīll take the call. Since we are friends I call all my friends on the holidays to wish them happy thanksgiving, etc and I will do the same with her. The chances of us getting back together as lovers is 50-50. She too has been going to family and friends for advice on whether or not she should take me back. Some have told her yes others have told her no. I just hope that whatever decision she makes she makes on her own and not because of outside influences. Her parents seemed happy to see me when I visited her friday and they thought it was nice of me to buy her flowers. Her mom told me she sure missed me after 2 months. Thatīs nice that her parents still like me and all but I wasnīt dating them I was dating their daughter. No I am not getting them to talk to her on my behalf. She has to make those decisions on her own.
It's been almost 5 months of NC for me and I was the dumpee. This is our second big breakup. First time I was the dumper and he came back 4 months later and I ran back to him. We lasted 8 months but lost our connection - then I don't know what happened - he just decided he couldn't go on so I asked him "What do you want?" and he said it was over. I didn't beg or plead - I just said ok and that was it. It wasn't what either one of us wanted but my pride would not let me beg - I just walked away. Maybe he came back to turn the tables and dump me.
I thought by now he'd call but he hasn't. I still love him and I want so badly to reconcile and make it work. I've had time to think ALOT about things and I regret some things I did (I wouldn't commit). I'd give anything if he called - I'd even take him up on his previous offer of marriage.
As time goes by it gets worse - I miss him and I still love him but he dumped me and didn't seem to care. This hurt me alot. If I called him he'd be on a power trip over it.
I sit hoping one day he'll come back - we're both in our mid 40's so it's not like we're both twenty-something and can rush out and find what we're looking for. Pickin's are slim at my age (43).
Think he'll ever call again? He shocked me the first time we broke up - he showed up 4 months later and I thought I'd never hear from him again. He swallowed his pride and asked for me back. Now I don't think he'll come back. But I want him back.
What should I do? Sit and wait hoping curiosity gets the better of him? I thought about sending him a card - not asking for him back but saying I think about him and miss him.
But I also don't want to be rejected - when I've apologized in the past he's tortured me over it so I'm very leery. I've made it almost 5 months and if he rejected me now I'd be devistated.
He might be over me and not wanting to get back together - I don't know. You always imagine the worst (like they've moved on and are dating rock stars). I'm miserable without him.
something I have learned after doing NC again and again......you should not have to "trick" someone into wanting you....if someone does not wnt you now, chances are....they will not want you after NC. hy would you want to love someone that was not sure if they wanted to be with you?
your ex said she wants something new??? and you want her still??? why so that she can date someone else and come back to you when that does not work out???? THink about what you are saying? It is ok to walk all over me....if you are not what she wants now then YOU move on!
NC is more about moving on with your life and stopping a cyclic nature of pain and hurt. There is never a perfect solution to anything, and breakups are the worst thing to find reasons for.
Some people will accuse you of not caring, some will give you respect for not hounding them. I agree with Grace saying that if you were dumped for not paying attention then NC will enforce that feeling, however if it was because you were clingy, then NC might help.
Saying all that, NC should only be used for people to move on with their lives. Its not a solution to get someone back and regain their love. The memories will always be there.
Beth,
We were friends for about three years prior to going out. We moved in together in the same house as friends. We then became lovers and were engaged to be married. We have mutual friend, and she is not out trying to get into a relationship with anyone. Nor is she out hookin' up. She is rekindling old riendships and living her life. Believe me, my life is not on hold for her for a minute. I am living my life as a single, good looking, well to do peron that is just having fun and enjoying life. Just because there was a breakup, does not mean we are not meant to be. I love her, I st her free, and she wil return. I don't care even if she has hooked up with someone else. Who knows, maybe I will to. I am 26, she is 27, what ever happens happens, and I will love her regardless.
Often times, when you are true to NC form and display some serious self-control throughout...meaning you do not respond to half-a$$ed messages from the ex (lets face it, unless they are exclaiming they made a mistake, theres nothing to chat about anymore) and you dont reach for lame-o excuses to stalk them...then you are not only getting yourself onto a more respected foot (not settling for crumbs says a lot about your dignity) but youre also paving the way for a baggage-free future and a faster recovery.
As for the ex, they are DEFINITELY going to wonder about you and trust me, nothing short of amnesia (which you dont have to worry about unless youre on a soap opera) is going to allow your ex to forget you. If anything else, the very element of your disappearance is going to trigger curiousity and may actually cause them to seek you out to confirm youre ok (or perhaps more, as in my case).
Mystery can be a wonderful thing, cuz everyone loves a mystery.
__________________
Love makes you do crazy things...insane things. Things you never thought in a million years you would see youself do. - Wicker Park
Good judgement comes from experience and experience, well...that comes from bad judgement
Can I take this link and post it all over the place on this site to get the message across? I wish we had an entire section called "NO CONTACT" so those who have yet to see the light will do so very quickly.
Say what are the benefits of having no contact with the threads dealing with the subject of no contact?
The benefits? You heal and move on! My original question for this post was to know if those who dump people remember them...my question was answered.
I must say to J Dub, I have read many of your posts and really took what you said to heart and I am really happy you are offering advise...I still hurt abit but I have moved on. More importantly, I have regained respect for ME!! Keep posting!! You have a great gift to offer to people!
Just want to say thanks to a gem!
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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