I see quite a few suggestions to seek counseling on this forum. Wondering what is going on behind those doors in a session? Those of you that have gone can you share your exp? What should you look for in a MC? Very curious......
It really depends on the counsellor, the couple and the issues that brought the couple to counselling in the first place. Generally, the first session or two sets the tone, hopefully of trust and openness; after that, it's common for the counsellor to see each person one-on-one, which helps define the perceptions of the issue. Once that's done, the couple go together and start to work on possible solutions once the communication dynamics are sorted out.
It's not a quick fix. There may be upwards of five or more sessions before the crux of the issue is even approached.
Back a few years ago, H and I had an ongoing issue that we thought we needed help with so we went to one. We came out of the first session and looked at each other and knew we wouldn't be going back. It was ridiculous. The counselor had no real grasp of the situation.
We ended up buying some self-help type books that had exercises on them and we worked the exercises and followed the book. THAT helped more than the counselor. It really helped.
It helps when a couple is in a power struggle or when both are very entrenched in their positions. The role of the counsellor is to try to work with and around each person's issues to help the couple work well as a couple.
You may, on occasion, run into an ineffective counselor just as you can find bad doctors, dentists, etc. In that case, you interview other counsellors.
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We ended up buying some self-help type books that had exercises on them and we worked the exercises and followed the book
Then it is likely you were not at the spot that many couples are at when they need counseling, which is often a point where neither can or will see the other's point of view and a marriage breakdown has begun. It is also possible that it was just a bad mesh between you and the counselor. It would be bogus to dismiss all counseling based on your one session.
It helps when a couple is in a power struggle or when both are very entrenched in their positions. The role of the counsellor is to try to work with and around each person's issues to help the couple work well as a couple.
You may, on occasion, run into an ineffective counselor just as you can find bad doctors, dentists, etc. In that case, you interview other counsellors.
Then it is likely you were not at the spot that many couples are at when they need counseling, which is often a point where neither can or will see the other's point of view and a marriage breakdown has begun. It is also possible that it was just a bad mesh between you and the counselor. It would be bogus to dismiss all counseling based on your one session.
ARGH! We WERE at the point where we couldn't see the others' pov which is why we sought help. Yes, of course it was a bad mesh with the counselor and I never dismissed ALL counseling based on the one session. I had pretty much dismissed all counseling BEFORE that! That one session just confirmed my thinking!
Hey, it's not for everybody. It seems to help some but I've seen cases where it actually screws people up even more!
I had a friend who went to counselling with her husband; they explained their problem, and the counsellor asked them to video tape 30min of their daily routine, every day, during one week. Then they went to about 3 sessions in which they analyzed the tapes all together. It was mainly about the way they interacted/communicated with each other, which was causing a lot of missunderstandings and fights. They were both very happy with the advise they were given, and said it was extremely insightful, because watching each other on a tape made them see things they weren't aware of in "real life".
But well, their problem was mainly how they talked and interacted. So I suppose this method would only work with a certain range of problems.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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