Ok this is a really complicated situation so I'll just sum it down as much as I can. I fell for this guy while I was with my fiance of 10 years (since we were teenagers). He had a girlfirend at the same time, but she was out of town. We became best friends, and then fell for each other. We ended up breaking off our other relationships, but he is having a really hard time dealing with his guilt because he is basically a serial cheater and has ended every relationship he has been in by cheating, and starting a new one with the OW.

So because this has never helped him (staying with the girl he cheated with) he thinks that by going back to his ex he will be able to feel less guilty and own up to flaws. (Change his pattern). Of course, since I'm the OW and am madly in love with him I hate this idea - I'd rather he choose her because she makes him happier or he loves her more but we BOTH know that isn't the case. He wants to go back so that if they do break up it's because of something else, and not me.

Does nayone have any advice? I suggested counselling to get to the root of the problem, but he just feels terrible, and I think wants to be punished.

[Breathe]

It shouldn't matter what his real reason(s) are for wanting to return to his wife. If you love him as you say, then let him go and leave him be. IF he loves you the same, he'll get a divorce and come looking for you.