[unintentional]

You're dumped...

totally crushed..and broken..

And the dumper..lets say..leaves you with saying that they still do love you and they wanted desperately to be with you but didn't feel it was right..(but obviously they didn't want it enough or else they'd still try..let's not be naive.)

...So the dumper loves you still...but doesn't contact you or anything. No phone calls..No messages..Nothing. Does that mean they are over you?

Are they even sad?
Do they care still?
Or..like us...are they just doing it so they can get over us??

Have any of you been the dumper before??
I have..but not in a loving relationship..just a fling thing...so I dont know where the dumper's stand...

[Tiny]

imo the "dumper" is probably too busy, getting it on with her/his new om/ow to give a **** about you, or your feelings. Personally i've always been the one who's been cheated on, but this is the way i see it.

[slubberdegullion]

unintentional:

Obviously it depends on the whys and hows of the end of the relationship, but in short,

Originally Posted by unintentional

Does that mean they are over you?

Not always;

Are they even sad?

Yes, probably;

Do they care still?

Yes, probably;

are they just doing it so they can get over us??

Yes, probably;

Have any of you been the dumper before??

Yup. For me personally, going NC with the ex is the only productive way I can move forward.

btw... love your avatar, it's very *ahem* evocative...

[ReluctantRomeo]

I'm with Slubber on this. I've usually been the dumper and staying away from a recent ex has nothing to do with not caring or not thinking of them.

In fact, the classic scenario for me keeping my distance is when I'm still attracted to them and am afraid I'll be drawn into acting on this.

[clarity73]

I am the dumper and I have been having a really hard time. It's almost like I am the dumpee because reading through these posts I have been going throught the same stages. Really bad. Anyway, to answer your question..yes they care and they miss you and if there is no contact it's either because yes they have moved on or because they are trying to get over you. Just because you are the dumper does not make you the bad guy all the time. Either way no contact I guess is the way to go to heal the quickest.

Feel better I know it stinks bigtime!!!!!

[Nikita20]

Reluctant:

I'm a bit confused by your last statement about being the dumper and contacting the dumpee. You stated that you are afraid on acting on this. What is it that you are afraid of?

The reason why I'm asking is because my boyfriend broke up with me. I didn't contact him. He called me 3 weeks later, but I wasn't convinced that he wanted to get back together. I haven't called him for a month and I fear that I'll never hear from him again. Do you think that the reason why he isn't contacting me is because he is afraid to call me? If that is the reason, that's pretty sad, especially since we had a 2 year relationship.

[clarity73]

He may be reluctant because he has not heard from you in a month and thinks you are not interested in getting back together since you rejected his first attempt. I am speaking as the dumper who has made attempts in trying to mend the relationship and dumpee is not interested. He contacts me every now and then to see how I am because he knows I have been weak lately, but I think it just makes him a bit happy to see that I am sad considering I left him. Weird situatiuon. I have not shared my story on the site, but maybe I will.

Anyway, back to your question. He probably thinks you moved on since you have not contacted him in a month.

[teethbrushes]

in my experience, unless the dumper is cold and heartless and never cared about you in the first place or something violent or serious happened, they always care about and miss you and go through ups and downs and wonder if they did the right thing. Even if the person chose to end the relationship, they're not always having an easy go of things. And not having that person there is something to adjust to in itself.

[Nikita20]

Clarity:

Arrrggggh!! I don't know what to do. People are telling me not to contact him, since he dumped me. I do want to contact him, however, I feel like I'd be shooting myself in the foot because when he called, he made no effort to try and get back together. And, if that happens, I'd be back to an emotional wreck, like I was in the beginning. I figure if he really wants me back, he would be jumping through hoops to win back my love. Plus, I just recently found out that he is seeing someone else, but, deep in my heart, I know this is just a rebound.

I don't know what to do. My mind is in a fog right now and I'm so confused...

If you care to read my thread about the breakup, here it is:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t72685/

It is long, just to forewarn you....

[Art_Critic]

If he is seeing someone else and he dumped you nikta20..

Then NO do not contact him..

you will just end the conversation hjurt because in reality he is doing her and going back to her after the talk..

Until he makes a genuine play for you and is single keep doing NC

[Nikita20]

Art Critic:

Yay!! You responded to one of my posts. I truly respect your advice that you have given to numerous people on this website.

You are right, he has moved on, no longer loves me and doesn't want me in his life. I'll continue with the NC, but it hurts so bad, but as time rolls on it is getting better.

What would you consider a genuine play for someone?

[clarity73]

Nikita,

I read your break up story and based on that i think you are right in not contacting him and suggest you stick to that. It sounds like you have been making positive changes in your life and even though you miss him it seems you have better things to focus your positive energy on instead of him. DO NOT CALL HIM! Focus on your new job (congrats 10K more than they offered!!! you are the sista with the plan

I know based on what you have written and by experience that this is all easier said than done, but just know you will get thru it baby girl. As I am writing this I am reinforcing it in my own head..so know that I know this is not easy, but it will get easier.

I am the dumper and I have just started no contact because its only makes me sad. So keep me posted because maybe we can be eachothers support with that.

I will be sending you positive energy

[Nikita20]

Clarity:

I love it. Ya called me baby girl. That's so sweet. Thanks for your positive energy. I need all the positive energy I can get.

To give you an update on the job, I'm still negotiating with them as far as salary goes. Overall, it is a pretty s***y package that they are offering. It is way below the industry standard. More than likely, I'm gonna walk, unless they give me what I want. However, I do have other job prospects.

This man was the love of my life. It's so hard to let go. But, I guess it has to be done.

[brittanyjean259]

i had a almost 3 year relationship...i dumped my ex...and i had said alot of hurtful things...well a week later he rebounded...found some one new with the same name...its been almost 3 months..and im still shocked...it hurts lord i know it hurts sooooooo much....we can support each other...i know what it feels like...


dont talk to him please dont, let him know you have moved on and your going to let this be the time where you find your strength....so much pain i know i feel it...but hold done to those good days!...things will get worse b4 they get better...but i guess its something you get used to....


dont hold done to hope eaither...but you can think in the back of your head" he might want me back some day...and regret it....but he broke up with you and rebounded".....let him go with that..and let him learn that it is not right and not healthy to go to one to another.....your learning to be alone...hes not>

[Art_Critic]

Originally Posted by Nikita20

What would you consider a genuine play for someone?

Nothing short of something along the lines of of " I want you back " " I made a big mistake "