[Chewybrwn]

so i have been friends with this guy named shawn for about a year. Me, my best freind and him all became really close. i had never any interest in him romantically, just as freinds. than one night, we got drunk, and it happened. we ended up sleep together.

at first i was in shock. slept on it for about 2 weeks before i even had the guts to call him (and vice versa) and finally talked about what had happened. we were still cool, and neither one of us had regretted it.

then he comes over again. we chill, hangout with my best freind and some other freinds. then they all leave. we're are sober this time. nervous. and we end up having sex again. well aware 100%.

then i realize, damn. I really like shawn. and on more than a physical level. by then, the sex became frequent. very frequent. like everytime we saw each other, we'd have sex. and the sex is good. really good. very adventurous.

me being the girl, automatically started getting attached. because i think its wisest i told him how i felt in an email (since Im am out of town on an internship for the semester and only come home 2 to 3 times a month at most). his response to that email was amazing. very unexpected. it explained exactly how he felt about me, and was written in intense detail. it was written the exact way he would talk.

so i was ecstatic. I was glad that someone i liked, liked me back. so when i went home. i asked about a possible relationship. he said he wasnt ready for a relationship right then. because of full time school and work at hand he honestly mentally wasnt ready for the focus that goes into a relationship.

i was kind of dissapointed, but settled on that idea since im not going to be back permantely till the end of the year and i cant seem him everyday anyway. it seems most logical.

but heres my problem.....he is still so affectionate with me. he's becoeming one of my best freinds now. all sex aside. he takes me out on dates, he's considerate of my feelings, we talk for hours on the phone at a minimum of at least 2 to 3 times a week.

is this a time thing? do i need to be patient? im paranoid. he's wonderful, but i dont want to scare him off with emotions. i can t just do the sex thing forever. especially whenic ome home. any advice??

[morrigan]

I asked about a possible relationship. he said he wasnt ready for a relationship right then. because of full time school and work at hand he honestly mentally wasnt ready for the focus that goes into a relationship.

You wanted a relationship. He's given you his answer--he likes hanging out with you, he enjoys having sex with you, but he's not willing to put the time or effort into a relationship.

is this a time thing? do i need to be patient? im paranoid. he's wonderful, but i dont want to scare him off with emotions. i can t just do the sex thing forever.

If you're fine with just having sex with him, and not expecting anything more, keep seeing him. If you want a relationship, and he's not willing to be in one with you, I'd stop having sex with him and move on.

[allaboutchoices]

Originally Posted by morrigan

You wanted a relationship. He's given you his answer--he likes hanging out with you, he enjoys having sex with you, but he's not willing to put the time or effort into a relationship.

TO me it sounds like he is ALREADY putting time and effort into it - she mentioned that they talk for hours over the phone. Sounds to me like you are already in a relationship.

[fundamental]

he seems like he doesn't want the "label" ....relationship. Other than that, you guys are basically in a relationship.

[morrigan]

Here's a good thread on friends with benefits:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t72659/

[onekunghid]

Me being a guy that loves sex and respects women at the same time... if io was shawn i would say i was kind of scared of being in a relationship... next time u are about to have sex ask him on how he feels about everything and all ur worries will be replied