My xH re-married a year after the D.
I have found love and lost it few times since.
He knew who he was and what he wanted.
I am still figuring out who I am and what I want.
I think it depends on how well you get along with your self. If you can offer love and communication, you will be more likely to find the true love. Just my opinion.
I don't know, I do know that I feel like most of the time I am going to be alone for the rest of my natural life! (I'm 28) I don't know that I'll ever be able to trust my heart with anyone again. Because the last time it got crushed, ripped out, then crushed again, and then burned, then, well you know. There I was thinking not that long ago "I've finally found the person I can spend my life with, thank god I don't have to go looking anymore." Now I am thinking, "how wrong was I, when am going to have sex again, let alone someone to trust my heart with!!!!!" I feel finished, I feel that at the age of 28 years old, I am done for good. I feel that I will never find a woman that will want to love me, or even give me a chance to love her.
I've thought about this, I was with my wife for 11 years, that means that I will be almost 40 years old if I was to get with someone right now, when I hit that 11 year mark again. I figure at least 2 years before I am really ready to try again, and then god only knows how long before I find another woman that 1) is attracted to me and wants me, and 2) a woman that I have a connection with. Then god knows how long before we get to the point of marriage, and then, I will be asking myself "will this last?"
So more or less I'll be 45 before I hit the 11 year mark again with someone else. If I am able to find someone! Hell, I know a lot of women that I'd like to date, fall in love with, etc. but I can't think of a single one that would want to be with me.
Then, most likely, I'll be hit by a bus or something before then.
Sorry so negative, but you asked how long, and from where I am sitting, I've got a long time to go before I'll find anyone!
LOL, you need to change your attitude. Do you have everything else planned in your life?
You married really young (so did I) and it didn't work out. And you got burnt again. So what. Learn from it.
Not all women are the same, you will find what you are looking for, but not with attitude like that.
You are going into a relationship thinking it won't last. Guess what, it won't . You give up before you try.
Good luck
I said that is how I feel now. From where I am sitting, in this time, at this place, that is how I feel.
It just hurts so much, and to even think about doing it all over again, kills me. I'm scared, ok, I am really scared that I will be alone, or if I do find another woman, she would just leave in the end too. I really believed that my wife was the one, and now to be destroyed by her, kills me. I am scared about giving my heart over to someone else, I am scared of trusting it with another woman, everything scares me right now. Sorry so negative, but it is truly how I feel right now.
Add to that, I wasn't Mr. popular in high-school, I know that was long time ago, but guess what that is the only time period I have to base anything on. What has changed since then? Well now I am a or at least I will be a divorced man, I have three kids--though most likely I'll get to see them less than I would like, I am older--out of the prime of my life perhaps not by much, but still. This is a scary time for me, I am sorry, but I can't help that. Will I be this way forever, I hope not, but right now, that is all I can see.
I just read some of your other posts. Sorry for your hurt and for what you are having to deal with.
You will be OK with time, but reading your posts I see where you are coming from.
Hang in there!
Thank you very much for your words of encouragement. I will hang in there, it just hurts right now. Thank you though, it makes me feel better knowing someone else understands, or at least gets why I feel the way I do.
tony--I am 29 and I still have hope that I will meet the right one.......maybe what jaye said is true about only finding love once, but ya know what, maybe you have not experienced love yet, so it is still out there! What you thought was "love" may not have been. That is how I feel now....hang in there!!!!
__________________ Don't put a question mark where God has put a period.
tony--I am 29 and I still have hope that I will meet the right one.......maybe what jaye said is true about only finding love once, but ya know what, maybe you have not experienced love yet, so it is still out there! What you thought was "love" may not have been. That is how I feel now....hang in there!!!!
I second Beth on this one....
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If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail.
Tony, I can relate to everything you've written. I think i'm the female verison of you At 31, I'm scared I'll be alone for the rest of my life. I dont want to be in a relationship ever again, and yet I'm scared that I'll never be in a relationship ever again. I was never the popular girl in highschool, have my own quirkiness that makes it sometimes hard to relate to people. I'm pretty shy, and never thought I'd be single again. I dont have kids, which makes things even more scarier, because I fear I might not have kids. But I try not to let these negative thoughts come over me. Try to focus on the positives in life. You now have the chance to find love again, with someone who wont cheat on you or leave you. You have a chance to change the things in your life that doesnt work for you. It's all about perspective. When you think positively, positive things happen.
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When you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock somewhere else.
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Thank you, for telling me to hang in there, and thanks for your hope. (you still have hope). Anyways, I will hang in, and hope, I am just scared thats all. Thank you, and I wish both of you luck in finding your true love, and good luck in what ever you do in life.
dgiirl,
Yeah, your right, I too don't really want a relationship (it would be hard right now anyways--I'm not divorced, and even if I found a woman that wanted to get involved with me now, I don't know what I could give her, she'd be nothing but a rebound, and I don't want that). It makes this better to know that I am not the only one that feels this way, thank you for posting your thoughts, and in a way I am glad we share something in common. It makes me feel better and I hope it makes you feel better.
That said, I wish you luck in finding someone that you do want to love, and not just someone to be with, but someone that you are happy with.
Thank you so much for sharing. And I am sorry for what whoever did to hurt you.
Last edited by tonyp56; 24th October 2005 at 5:31 AM..
Seriously, I think there are groups that come here in cycles. The separation and divorce class of 2005 or something. As a member of the class of 2004 I can tell you that it does get better. Just ask Yikes or MassiveAtom if you don't believe me! (If you can catch them on here anymore). We were all asking ourselves and each other these same questions.
Check this thread out. It was kinda like group therapy for us. Perhaps it will help you, or inspire you to your own thread of that nature.
Xs can do alot of damage to our self esteem. Especially since they are the ones we trust the most. They are in a position to hurt us the deepest. I spent 4 years in the Marine Corps, and I excelled in it. I had toyed with the idea of joining MENSA. And my XW managed to make me feel like the most worthless person on the planet. But all of you will get up again. You will find someone new that will make you feel good again. It just takes time. Once you get away from the poisonous relationship that was your marriage, the constant confidence beat downs, you will begin to feel good again. You will walk with your head up again. You will start to notice women looking at you, checking you out.
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I know the difference between right and wrong, I just don't care.
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Shut up, I'm not done blaming everyone who isn't me.
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"I have done that," says my memory. "I cannot have done that," says my pride, and remains inexorable. Eventually--memory yields.--Nietzsche
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. You give up before you try.
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