[downcydeguy]

I'm interested in hearing your stories about 2nd chances and whether or not they actually worked out.

My first serious g/f left me for another guy for 3 months. She then contacted me and wanted to meet. She apologized, blah, blah, blah, and we got back together. It was never even close to the same great relationship we had and it somehow lasted another 2 1/2 years before finally ending for good.

I'm just wondering if there are ever any "happy ending" stories about reuniting that you all may have had. How long were you apart? What caused it to work this time? (or fail?)

[Baz]

I dont think there is any one given true way, but without doubt communication is paramount. Usually this can only happen once the given parties have had time to heal. From the communication will come the early stages of a new friendship and from there you will have a more solid foundation to work from. It can happen if maturity and patience are applied I guess. But it can happen.

[lilmoma1973]

The main thing i can say is both parties have to be willing to overcome the obstacles that blocked them from the previous breakup!! Both parties have to be willing to be honest, loyal and never lie about anything !! Communication is a big must!!!Good luck hope

[Lonestar]

I've gotten back together with my ex-husband 3 times. The same issues that broke us up the first time ultimately break us up again. Each time things are fabulous for awhile, but then go downhill. Changes are slow to take place.

[Sailynn]

Originally Posted by Baz

I dont think there is any one given true way, but without doubt communication is paramount. Usually this can only happen once the given parties have had time to heal. From the communication will come the early stages of a new friendship and from there you will have a more solid foundation to work from. It can happen if maturity and patience are applied I guess. But it can happen.

I like your words. I'm going through this right now and indeed, we are trying our best to communicate effectively. There are no punches pulled and we don't stop until we've reached a resolution on a particular issue.
It seems to be working.

However, to get here, we had a lot of time apart to heal. With that said, we're approaching this thing through friendship, having a bit of fun, identifying roles, wants, needs, desires and a lot of flirty play.

My theory for breakups is that one party loses the "attraction". It is a good thing that I have studied what attraction is and have learned how to initiate the primal attraction that makes things interesting by being a man with status. Meaning, "I have a life, want to go with me?"

[pearlsasinger]

Originally Posted by Baz

I dont think there is any one given true way, but without doubt communication is paramount. Usually this can only happen once the given parties have had time to heal. From the communication will come the early stages of a new friendship and from there you will have a more solid foundation to work from. It can happen if maturity and patience are applied I guess. But it can happen.

I agree. You can't make it without communication, honesty, maturity and patience.

I'm in my second month back with my guy. We are more open and honest this time around. There have been obstacles, but I feel very good about us. I feel a lot closer to him.

It took us 6 months apart before we decided to give it another go. In my opinion the considerable time period was a good thing...because yes, you have some time to heal and you don't jump back into the relationship for the wrong reasons.

We gave it time and talked over everything that was on our minds, and I think because of this we were both able to enter back into the relationship with 100 percent commitment.

As one poster said (in another thread that I can't recall), you can't expect the relationship to automatically go back to the way it was. You have to leave those expectations behind and have patience. And faith.

Sometimes you just don't realize what you had until it's gone.

[Baz]

Hey Sailynn

I need to go and work on "attraction" like you did. That sounds very interesting. Want to share a bit of your findings...

I do feel very comfortable with the "I have a life, want to go with me?" man with status approach. I can feel my power and attraction when I remind myself of what I have and who I am. That is very weird but healthy especially for someone who has been kicked around by lesser mortals.

So carrying on with our discussion, it is easier now to understand what NC is about. To me it is about finding that self belief again through intensive healing away from the source of pain. ie the ex! Following that period Limited contact leading to improved communication and then a new friendship etc.

Does that sound right?