I did not respond to her email one liner birthday email! Having doubts?
Ok it's been 4 days since I received birthday email from her.
Her email was one line that said:
"I hope you are enjoying your special day.? Don't be surprised, I still think about how you're doing and if you are alright.? Well, take care, and don't be a stranger".
I took everyone's advice I have not responded, but it feels that I was not hostile and polite to email her back with a simple "Thank you, take care. Bye". That I do the right thing? I just want to know?
Her birthday is less than a week what should I do?
Last edited by jomaxfury; 21st October 2005 at 7:48 PM..
NC doesn't mean I'll sit on her text msg for 5 days then text her back.. If you do you will expect a reply and have given her all the power you will be at square 1 all over again..
Delete her text and delete her number off your phone
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if it has been that long, all she really wanted to say was happy b-day....nothing more. Otherwise she would have had a follow up messsage. I think that by responding, you are hoping for things to change for the best and they will not. PLEEEEEEEASE do not reply. It would be weird anyway 5 days later? On her b-day -do nothing. She does not deserve you! You are going to do whatever you feel is best, but sometimes it is best to not follow your heart.
__________________ Don't put a question mark where God has put a period.
Been in the same position in July when I got a text and greeting card from my ex with both having the same one-liner on them. I did not reply.
Not because of the 'rules' of NC or whatever, but because I knew I was not strong enough to be in touch with him yet and if I was going to reply I would hope for something in return more than a 'your welcome'.
His birthday is coming up in a week. Am I going to congratulate him? I am not planning on it.
I dont hate him or think of him as the bad guy. He just decided that we were not meant to be and he had to break it off. That's tough, had to do it myself in the past.
I hope one day we will be able to be friendly. i.e. sending an email once or twice a year and keeping each other up to date with our lives. Right now I am not ready for that though. Our breakup took place 13 months ago and I still need to time to heal.
If he should ask one day why I did not reply to his birthday message I am going to tell him that I was not ready for a friendship at this point, and if he is a decent human being, he will understand. And so should your exgirlfriend.
I dont believe in the rules of NC. It's not like it is a religous group or sect you subscribe to and if you break one of the rules you are kicked out. You have to decide what is best for you and review your decision every once in a while.
Do whatever is best for you, but if you are not able to handle a disappointment from her at this point, I recommend you dont congratulate her on her birthday. Maybe next year you will be able to.
Gottabestrong, Thank you,
I have given her so many chances. Dissapointment from her can't get any worse! When the red falgs were flashing in my face, I was selfish in not letting her go. She would come back crying...and thought she really wanted to be with me. The promises we did to each other I still think about, I think in her case she wanted security and not love...I felt helpless I was being drag into something that I couldn't fix in her life, in which she wanted to escape from. I was just not ready in handling such responsibility in my life...I told her let's take this day by day, when the time comes and were both are ready we will do it... .
You are right I am just not ready to be her friend. For me it doesn't make sense when I was there as a boyfriend and as her friend she didn't appreciated me, and now she wants me as friend...I am just not ready for that!
You are right I am just not ready to be her friend. For me it doesn't make sense when I was there as a boyfriend and as her friend she didn't appreciated me, and now she wants me as friend...I am just not ready for that!
Then why not just come right out and tell her that. That's the one thing about NC that screws up the other person so it seems. They don't get why the OP goes into NC mode and they're left wondering wtf? People post about it here all the time and maybe in your case be honest and tell her you don't know if you two will ever be friends again but definately right now it's best to not keep intouch.
Let me just preface this comment by saying: I maintained strict NC w/ my ex for a month, knowing his bday was coming up around the corner. It broke my heart but I didnt wish him a happy one because I knew in my head/heart that it would be pointless -- it wouldnt fix anything for me, esp the long ways I had made it thus far by staying away from him.
The day after his bday he came back to me. With full vengence. Not to say this will happen for you, but it just goes to show that when they want you back, they know damn well how to get a hold of you/find you, and when they REALLY want you back it'll be plain as day.
As far as responding to her bday wish, I see no point. Thats nice, she extended a gesture towards you, probably attempting to open the lines for communication - but look at it like this...unless she is saying "DAMNIT I NEED YOU BACK" you really have no reason to talk to her. And by saying thank you? Well, it goes without saying.
As for her bday coming up, just treat it like any other day. You owe her nothing, but you owe it to YOURSELF to maintain your dignity and respect you have gained so far by steering clear of her.
Right now's the time be selfish
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Love makes you do crazy things...insane things. Things you never thought in a million years you would see youself do. - Wicker Park
Good judgement comes from experience and experience, well...that comes from bad judgement
J dub, thank you!
On her birthday she is probably going to have fun with her new partner.
She wont even worry if I emailed her. I'll will not reply for her birthday even though it hurts but by not replying, makes you stronger and it feels like you a have a sense of control afterwards. The reason you feel stronger is that you have no expectations of receiving another email from the other person.
J dub everything you said made so much sense!
personally, being on the other side of this, I think it is rude not to reply. no contact does mean no contact, but at least say thanks.
I got my ex-boyfriend a card and he didn't say thanks until I came up to him and asked if he got it. And I felt like that was really rude of him and most of my friends thought "What a nutcase/*******." I know he was doing it for self-protective reasons, but if he would've just IMed, e-mailed me or stopped me on the way to class and said "Hey thanks. Talk to you later." I felt like that would have been a little polite.
personally, being on the other side of this, I think it is rude not to reply. no contact does mean no contact, but at least say thanks.
I got my ex-boyfriend a card and he didn't say thanks until I came up to him and asked if he got it. And I felt like that was really rude of him and most of my friends thought "What a nutcase/*******." I know he was doing it for self-protective reasons, but if he would've just IMed, e-mailed me or stopped me on the way to class and said "Hey thanks. Talk to you later." I felt like that would have been a little polite.
Teethandbrushes,
I think it doesn't get any more rude how she acted with me during the relationship! As for you, you giving him a card and him not replying. Made you wonder if he recieved it or not right? Why did you go to him, only to see if he got it to show your a better person than he is or that you still loved him? I think in your case I can assume sending him a card opened up some wounds for him. For your friends to say "what a nutcase/*******" for not replying and trying to move on, I think is really immature. If her friends think of me I am an ******* so be it, but she knows what kind of person I am and was to her. She asked for space I gave it to her. Now I just want to move on! Thanks for your post...know I am definitely not giving her any pitty email or call. Thanks.
well, he broke up with me quite a long time ago, so its kind of rude. And I was just being nice and I wanted to know if he got it...and was sort of offended he didn't say thanks. And it wasn't to let him know I still loved him at all...i think that's reading WAY too far into it. I felt like ignoring it was rude. He could've just said "Thanks for the card!" and that's it.
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