[barfool]

So I've been dating a guy for a little while who I really enjoy being around. We have fooled around a bit, but have not yet had sex. Now I'm not really looking for a serious relationship as I have recently gotten out of one. Then again, I will just let what happens happen if I meet the right person.

Last night we were cuddling on his couch and he starts a serious conversation. He says he likes me alot, and I reciprocated, but that he is afraid that if we have sex he will "lose his mind" or some such thing. I guess he is afraid of becoming too into me. He said he wants to take it slow. I feel sort of like I am being pushed away, although we fooled around that night too.

He knows I am not looking for anything serious, so what is the big threat? Come on guys, have you ever done anything like this?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally Posted by barfool

He knows I am not looking for anything serious, so what is the big threat?

That's just it. He doesn't really know. The 'not knowing' is the threat. He can't be sure that if you and he get together, that you won't change your mind and decide you want a heavier relationship out of it than he wants.

'Take it slow' is his way of gauging for himself what direction this will take. If you want to be with him, you'll have to let him set the pace, and if 'slow' (meaning no sex and minimum commitment) is what he is setting you'll have to adjust your pace to his. If you try to change or question the pace, you may be getting the "I need space" talk in addition to the "take it slow" talk.

Just enjoy the time you share, don't get into heavy relationship talk - let him initiate the sexual contact and match his pace with that. Once he is more comfortable, perhaps he will be less inclined to be so "slow".

[AndrewJ]

barfool,

I think hes into you but doenst want to get to close to soon for fear of a torn heart strings.

He obviously picks up on your carefree attitude, maybee he doenst dig that vibe.

All the best

[barfool]

Thanks for the replies!

I'm kind of thinking that what he wants out of this is a long term relationship. He had asked me "where do you see this relationship going" and I left my answer pretty open. (It's so wierd to hear that question coming from a guy )

It's so weird, though. We are still talking and dating, but when we went out last night he gave me a hug at the end of the date. Wow, that was a huge back-step. I suppose it is kind of sweet to be in the "taking it slow" mode. It's difficult for me though because I wasn't really looking for anything serious but this kind of dating (not based on anything physical) makes it hard not to take this relationship more seriously.

Ugh